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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Morphine Moderators: bert
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  Author    Morphine  (currently 21070 views)
spesh2k
Posted: June 4th, 2013, 1:10pm Report to Moderator
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Cool... it was a different ending because it was the one recommended to Carson, so I didn't want to change things too much... and it was on very short notice, didn't really have much time to think it through. But yeah, the ending is VERY different.

Thanks Pia!


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: June 4th, 2013, 2:54pm Report to Moderator
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Speshk...

I took a look at this about two weeks. I struggled with the piece.  At first i didn't know why, then it dawned on me...?

What was your thinking behind that scene where AGONY smashed the bottle over his head? Becasue it was shortly after this scene that I finally decided to bail... around page thirty-five.  It felt more like a dark comedy, but it's not.  It's a dark drama.  Now if this were a dark comedy... I would not have had a problem with that scene.  But Agony hitting him with that bottle, it just felt a bit out of place... way, way over the top.  I mean page #27, she has a pocket knife... why not just use that device instead.  If it were me, i probably would have had Agony.. just spitballing here... maybe cut him somewhere -- the hand, maybe his palm, ect...

...I just felt something like this would have worked better.  Then again maybe I'm missing something with that scene.  But it's not mine, it's yours... maybe thats what you was going for, if so... fair enough.
  
I had a bunch of notes, but decided not to post them.  Instead, I'll just give you my overall concern...
...If story is the backbone of your script, then, TONE is the heartbeat.  I only read to about page thrity-five and I hate to base my assumptions off these pages alone... so i will not go as far to say it suffers from an identity crisis...

...but beware that sometimes the wrong tone can ruin a story.  It can take a great concept or in your case... (a very interesting one) and screw it up.  Not that this is screwed up by any means, but yours seemed to switch tones... again when we first meet Agony.  That scene almost feels like a comedy... atleast that's the way it felt to me.  Contrary to popular belief... audiances are not tone-deaf,  they will sniff out a film that doesn’t know what it wants to be.

So, all I'll say, make sure you watch the tone... make sure it matches the subject matter...  a caveat, this is JMHO.  So take it for what it's worth. Most will probably enjoy this.

...other than that, congrats on getting Carson to review your script.

I hope all goes well... and If it does... it will not be because he reviewed it, but for the quality of the writer's work.

Good Luck

Ghost



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spesh2k
Posted: June 4th, 2013, 2:59pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Ghostie, appreciate it, man. Will definitely take your thoughts into consideration.

-- Michael


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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Ledbetter
Posted: June 4th, 2013, 10:00pm Report to Moderator
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What was your thinking behind that scene where AGONY smashed the bottle over his head? Because it was shortly after this scene that I finally decided to bail... around page thirty-five.  It felt more like a dark comedy, but it's not.  It's a dark drama.  Now if this were a dark comedy... I would not have had a problem with that scene.  But Agony hitting him with that bottle, it just felt a bit out of place...


I know it's not my place to interject...

But I'm gonna simply to say what I saw in this scene.

And if I'm wrong, Michael, you tell me.

Agony took great delight in inflicting pain. She loved to take it to new levels. This, to me was a moment where Early actually had someone who was really willing to test him. I mean really test him. She wasn't interested in cracking a whip. It needed to be over the top.

Kinda like...let's try out this bullet proof vest.

It will either work or it won’t.

This was a girl used to inflicting great amounts of pain. She didn't want to waste time building up to a safe word.

Neither did he…

They both had something to prove.

In fact, after this was when they began to bond in some ways.

I thought it was pivotal.

But I digress...

Shawn.....><

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ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: June 5th, 2013, 12:30am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Ledbetter
I know it's not my place to interject...


But since you did...


Quoted Text
But I digress...


Well, you certainly aren't the first, and almost certainly you will not be the last.

Sreenwriting is very suggestive... there's more than one way to skin a cat.  And I hate quoting myself, but... I'm pretty sure I mentioned somewhere in my review...

...if Michael's intentions were for that particular scene to be over-the-top, then fair enough...

And hopefully it works.

Ghostie


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AmbitionIsKey
Posted: June 5th, 2013, 4:39am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Ledbetter


I know it's not my place to interject...

But I'm gonna simply to say what I saw in this scene.

And if I'm wrong, Michael, you tell me.

Agony took great delight in inflicting pain. She loved to take it to new levels. This, to me was a moment where Early actually had someone who was really willing to test him. I mean really test him. She wasn't interested in cracking a whip. It needed to be over the top.

Kinda like...let's try out this bullet proof vest.

It will either work or it won’t.

This was a girl used to inflicting great amounts of pain. She didn't want to waste time building up to a safe word.

Neither did he…

They both had something to prove.

In fact, after this was when they began to bond in some ways.

I thought it was pivotal.

But I digress...

Shawn.....><



This is exactly how I understood the bottle scene, too.

Curt


"No matter what you do, your job is to tell your story..."

Short scripts

GONE
(6 pages, drama/thriller)
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spesh2k
Posted: June 5th, 2013, 10:56am Report to Moderator
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Curt and Shawn... yeah, that's exactly how the scene was intended. I know it was over the top, but the script itself is kind of over the top, so I thought it fit. Sure, there was a bit of humor to it, but I don't think it came across as slapstick IMO... thought it fit the tone. But that's just my opinion. There's much to be open for interpretation, as is the case with a lot of films/scripts/books. Guess it all depends on the audience member/reader.

-- Michael


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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Grandma Bear
Posted: June 5th, 2013, 11:29am Report to Moderator
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I'm typing up my comments right now, but had to jump in and say something here about Agony. Maybe I misenterpreted her completely, but she is not a sadist at all. That is a role she plays to earn money. She does not get any sexual satisfaction whatsoever by inflicting pain on others. Am I wrong?


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spesh2k
Posted: June 5th, 2013, 11:44am Report to Moderator
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There is some perversity behind her inflicting pain on others... she does enjoy it. All goes back to her upbringing... sort of a sense of power.


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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Grandma Bear
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I guess my interpretation of Agony was wrong. I would have liked to see her be the way I thought though. IMHO, that makes her more likable and vulnerable. No one really wants to cheer on a sadist, if you know what I mean.

I thought this story was a little slow going in the beginning and it didn't really kick in until Agony showed up.

I liked Early and I guess that's one reason I did not want him to end up with a real sadist. Tina wasn't that likable to me. As a mother she seemed sort of weak. When Early says something about her being happy about the new baby and loving it more, I thought, spot on. Maybe that's what you were going for. Winston didn't really work for me either. At first I couldn't figure out why he was such a big part of the story. Then it turns out he wants to hurt Early for not acknowledging him, I felt he was an idiot and I didn't like him at all. IMO, if you save a little kid from drowning, you should be proud of yourself, not wanting revenge when he turns 18 for not returning mail. I had a hard time believing he would hold this grudge for 13 years on a kid. Just go on. You're out of jail. Start over.

The over all story works. You have two outcasts finding each other and they sort of ride off into the sunset in the end. The ending was good btw. The only thing about this script was that it felt depressing. There was no sense of hope really. That was why I never liked 8MM. It wasn't the subject matter, I've written some disturbing pieces myself, it was the lack of hope.

The following are just thoughts and questions while I read and are in no way meant to sound negative.  It will be interesting to see what Carson thinks about it.

Cheers! Pia

Page 1.   Strong start on the first page. My only quip was "The HAPPY BIRTHDAY song is sung off key. Who's singing? On the radio? Just b/g sound?

Page 2.   I see…  

How old is Early here at the dinner table? Surely it's not the same day as when he almost drowned. Easy to stick a numbered candle on the cake.

Nice transitions.

Page 4.   Early wears a helmet and mouth guard on the swings? Reason I'm asking is because the way the playground scene comes off right now is that it happened in the past. Before the doc told her what was wrong with him. If that is a transition into the future then I was confused.

Page 5.   I still have no idea how old Early is here…

Page 6.   Finally we find out that the almost drowning was in the past and not something this is leading up to, but I still would like to know how old Early is now.

Page 9.   INT.  BEDROOM - LATER.   Where are we now? At the hospital? Someone's house? I'm sure I'll find out as I read along, but it wouldn't hurt to tell us the exact location in the slugs.

Page 12.  Another thing that's vague in your slugs is the TIME. You use MOMENTS LATER, LATER and CONTINUOUS, but don't tell us if it's DAY or NIGHT. We go from BATHROOM - DAY to HOSPITAL ROOM - LATER to HOSPITAL ELEVATOR to INT. BEDROOM - LATER to INT. DINNER TABLE - MOMENTS LATER to EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE - LATER. There is no time reference in hardly any of your slugs. This is a bit confusing actually and something you might want to address. Just my opinion of course, but…

Page 17.  A little hard to believe Steven who was inside the car would be more banged up than Early.

Steven should be a little more careful, IMHO. In real life, he would probably be pissed, but he would also worry about lawsuits. He hit Early after all, a pedestrian. That's a lawyer's dream case…

Page 18.  Is Early still in the hospital gown? It would appear so since he is also barefoot.

Page 20.  I'm not so sure I buy Early calling a number he found on a bathroom wall in a bar. Sure, we've been introduced to the issues with his pain, mental and physical, but somehow, this doesn't seem to fit. It makes him look really stupid, IMHO. Actually, quite a few things he's done so far make him look like he's not that bright.

Page 25.  Like the dialogue between Early and Agony.

Page 27.  I cringed a little at the line, "Are you some kind of psycho murderer or something?". That didn't feel right and it sounded dumb, IMHO.

Page 32.  I'm still wondering if Early is wearing the hospital gown…

Page 40.  After having read the scenes with Winston at the gas station and then saving Early, one thought comes to my mind, why did Early never open the birthday cards from Winston?

Page 42. Is Early still in his hospital gown? I'm only asking because you haven't mentioning him changing yet and I have a hard time picturing him still in that gown. Hopefully, he at least have underwear on.  

Page 45.  It's still his birthday? Long night…and the bars are still open.

Page 47.  She places his hand on his waist?

I'm wondering why Winston gets so much time in this script. Maybe there will be a reason later on, but to me it seems like he's in it for not enough reason. I know he saved Early fourteen years ago and he sent Early birthday cards and Tina made Early go visit him in prison once, but that's not enough of a reason for him to have his own storyline, IMHO. I wish we could spend more time with Early and Agony instead.

Page 49.  Nice fight.

Page 50.  Early might not feel pain, but to charge a guy with a gun is sort of reckless. I mean, just because he can't feel any pain doesn't mean he doesn't understand he can get injured or shot, right. Two separate issues.

I'm having a little bit of a hard time believing this guy who looks younger than 18, being a shy home schooled guy taking on and winning against the "bad ass" 30 year old Nathan while wearing only a hospital gown, no less.

Page 53.  I'm intrigued by what is going on here.

Page 54.  Typo -- Early comes follows

Some of these names are starting to sound weird to me. Early, Agony and Lovely. If she's Agony's daughter, it would have been nice if she gave the kid a more normal name to show that she wishes she and her life were not so fucked up.

Page 58.  Tina says to Winston, "a little late, Winston, don't you think?". I know I keep going on about this, but there has been a LOT of things going on this night. A LOT has transpired which makes me wonder just how late is this? IMHO, I think it would be better if you split it up over several nights because I don't see how there could have been enough time for all this to happen in just one night.

Page 64.  If Nathan is her brother, why would he hit her and tell her she can't leave? And why wouldn't Agony have tried to stop Early earlier when he was attacking Nathan?

Page 66.  I'm having some issues with Winston here. I realize he was put in prison erroneously for thirteen years, but Early was a four year old little child! What the hell does he expect from him. Right now I'm thinking he's a total ass. If that's what you wanted me to feel, then good. If not…

Page 72.  I just entered a script to Scream Craft titled "Scream For Me".  

Page 74.  I think the hospital staff would definitely know that a patient had skipped the place. Especially since the nurse called security too.

Page 75.  All ready?

Page 77.  Messed up family, indeed.

Page 78. Quite a shootout in a little motel room and everyone still has their hearing working.

Page 80.  Now this must be really really late in the night and the liquor stores are still open? Maybe they have 24hr liquor stores in NYC? That's possible, but I still think this night is too long. Too many things have happened and I just don't see how they can all be fitted into one single night. Am I missing something?

Page 81.  I don't know what's in the box yet, but I really liked how the vagrant and the gift box came back into the script.

Page 84.  Where is Agony? In surgery?

Page 86.  Pretty powerful scene with Early and Steven.

I liked the ending. Good job. I would probably have had Winston try to take his own life by jumping into the water then have Early save him.





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AmbitionIsKey
Posted: June 6th, 2013, 6:43am Report to Moderator
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Hey Michael, my good friend.  So, it was a long day on the day I read this.  Exam stress was killer.  When I got out of school, went to work, then got back from work, I remembered I had this downloaded and got stuck in!

So, here are my page by page notes.  Apologies if I repeat anything --

Firstly, I've been meaning to get to this for a very long time.  So, I was excited to get to reading.  Love the title, by the way.  

-- Not so sure about your opening slug.  "VIEW FROM A BRIDGE" -- is this really a slug?

-- You capitalize JOHN once when introducing him, then twice after that.  I was wondering if there was a reason for this?

Wow, love the opening scene.  Dramatic and disturbing and emotional.

Found the fact Early was wearing a mouth guard and helmet hilarious, gave me a giggle, I don't know if this was the intention but it did.  I think drama only works if there's a sprinkle of light-heartedness present somewhere.  Loved the fact Early was fascinated by the kid with the cut knee.

Jesus, the bloody finger-nails.  All this stuff.  He doesn't feel it.  I love this story already.  You have me hooked, man.

Liked the transition from Early underwater to his eighteen year old self at the sink.  Nicely done, I can see that beeing cool on camera.

I've noticed you sometimes tend to start off an action line without the character's name.  A few times, actually.  An example of this is when, say, FRED is speaking.  Then the next lines were: "Turns to Tina.  Touches her stomach." -- I don't know, this reads weird to me.  

If I were you, and remember this is just my opinion, I would include Fred's name.  "Fred turns to Tina..." et cetera.  I mean, including the name's, I highly doubt, will change the page-count majorly.

When Fred says: "Why does life go by so fast" -- loved it.  Liking all the dialogue so far.

Nice scene with Early in the elevator.

Nice foreshadowing early on with the piano.  Now, Early is playing one.

Page 11 -- wow, emotional shit.  So Early is adopted then?  Okay.

I think the "Dead! Dead! Dead!" was a little melodramatic.  I think one "Dead!" when referring to his real mother would suffice.

Page 11 still -- "Rises.  He hurries out.  DOOR SLAMS SHUT from OS..." reads real weird to me.  I'd suggest: "Early rises.  Hurries out.  OS the door SLAMS shut..." or something.  

Wow, I wasn't expecting a New York setting.  I recently went there in March, beautiful city, it was a Christmas present and Jesus one day I just want to bask there and live.  When I saw "UPPER EAST SIDE (MANHATTAN)" in the slug, I just got so excited.

I was in Central Park.  Gah!  Early is there.  I can imagine it so clearly.  It's so weird.

I've come to understand that your thing about starting action lines without the character's name must be a personal thing.  I writer's thing.  I'm kind of getting used to it.

JESUS.  Wow.  Was not expecting him to get hit by a car.  Okay, so far this story is fascinating and I'm visualizing it in my head as this great indie flick, and in my head it looks amazing.

I'm going to assume John is Early's birth father?  That's the vibe I'm getting.

You wrote: "Early opens the card... A check..." or something like that on page 15.  By "check" I'm assuming you mean a money "cheque" (?) -- or maybe that's how other countries outside the UK spell it, haha.

On page 15 you wrote "Early limps to her curious" and then a few lines later on a new page, you wrote "Early peeks into the room curious" -- just thought it was a little repetitive since they're so close together.  

LOVE the significance of the scene in the hospital with the girl and Steven and the pain and Early.  One thing that baffles me is how in the hell is the driver in a worse state than Early?  He was slammed by a car?  And the driver has worse injuries.  Maybe it's plausible.  Certainly, not impossible, just off and strange to me.

Like how your introduced Agony.

Page 22 -- oh my God this is hilarious.  "I'm constipated" -- Jesus, great line!

Ah!  He was born three months premature!  I was wondering why you called your main Early.  I know nobody with that name.  I thought it was interesting.  It's nice to know why he has that name now!

This entire scene in the diner reminds me of the scene with Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper in Silver Linings Playbook.  Not a bad thing, because I fucking love that movie to death.  Was wondering though if that's where the diner scene with Agony and Early was inspired from.  Or coincidence?

Page 25 -- "Agony pretends to checks her phone" should be "check her phone"...
Agony reminds me of a much more ruthless and amazing Tiffany from Silver Linings.  Man, I love her already.  Love all these characters.

Page 28 -- "Like fucking blueberries!" -- hahahahahaha.  I love this line.  Haven't got a single compaint about the dialogue so far.

So far, the "safe words" you've given Agony's (I'll call them "victims", lol) are hilarious.

Page 30 -- "You're kidding me, right?" seems too on the nose, regarding Agony.  I would drop the "right?"...

Page 31 -- when Agony says "You're lucky I don't cut your balls off right now and flush them shits down the toilet"... I don't get it.  Is shit meant to be straight or a different word?

The alley scene with Agony and Early!  I was hoping there'd be a scene where Agony tested Early's statement about him not being able to feel pain!

Though I loved the scene with the balls and the stun-gun, and thought it was amazingly well done... I still think it's a tad extreme.  I mean, I know he can't feel pain, but using a stun-gun on a guy's testicals is sure to cause permanent damage, no?  I dunno...

Like the revaltion about Early's mother dying giving birth.  Nicely done.  

Can't help but notice that on page 6 Tina says, "Everything.  It happens for a reason" and then Agony says it on page 37.  I likeeeee it!

I'm really liking the Winston side-story.  He's done someting bad, and I hope I find out why he's in jail.  Already though, I like the fact that's he'd been running from the police and saved Early's life.  He has a heart.  I like him.

Jesus Christ.  The scene on 40/41 with Tabitha-safe-word client was great.  I thought the scene on the train above East River was visually handled well. I imagine it well in my head.

Have you seen the movie Like Crazy?  That movie is a cool indie flick, and it looks amazing, has amazing cinematography.  In my head, I'm imagining "Morphine" would look like the way Like Crazy was filmed/looked on screen.

Page 44/45 -- drinking to Early's testicles?  Hilarious.  Genious.  I love this script.  Seriously.  Why didn't I read this sooner?!

I think at one point, when someone speaks you had it in the dialogue as "eighteen..." and then on 45 when Agony says it, it's written as, "You're 18..." -- It'd change it to the written form, not the numerical form, just for consistency within the screenplay.

Page 47 -- "The moment last forever"... should be "The moment lasts forever."

Wait, okay, Winston's out of jail.  Strip club?  Okay.

I loved how you handled the entire scene with Nathan, Early and Agony in the bar.  Pure emotion and craziness and, jesus, I loved it.

I'm going to assume Lovely is Agony's child.  I hope there's a reason she's given her child that name.  I'm not a fan, lol.  Wouldn't she want to give her a normal name to balance out the fact that she's got this weird name?

Page 57 -- my fucking heart.  What's going on?!  Is it "Daddy".  Seriously, shit isn't good.  This is so good.

Page 64 -- FUCK!  Um, hello?!  Can someone say revelation?!  Nathan is her brother.  Raped at 14.  I mean, I assumed she'd just fallen pregnant.  Wow.  The story is getting better.  This feels like such an emotional, indie drama.  You've got the vibe you're going for!

Page 64/65 -- and so the story thickens!  Raised stakes.  Poor Winston, POOR TINA?!  I love this scene already.

On page 69 -- "Nathan and Darko move aside to create a path..." -- then you go onto introduce DADDY.  I'd suggest splitting this up, because up until now formatting has been great and this is your first bit of action text to go over three lines.  It just jumped right out at me.  Just my opinion though.

Page 70 -- I knew it!  I knew it.  He's the father.

Random note here -- is there a reason "DADDY" is called "DADDY" and doesn't have a name?

Page 74 -- Winston asks about Early being missing.  It's only hitting me now -- is this a loophole?  I mean, if a hospital patient, who has been hit by a car and is eighteen, is in recovery and he escapes hospital would Tina not be contacted/informed?  

I mean, I recall someone getting security on his ass?

Page 75 -- when Daddy says "You think your hand hurts... I will shove this up your fucking cunt and blow apart your insides." -- I just find it pretty on the nose and overdramatic.  When people use the word "cunt" in a screenplay to refer to the actual part of a girl's body, I can never take it serious.  I would consider changing.

Page 75/76 -- WHAT?!  NO WAY?!  SHOCK TWIST!  Nathan is the dad?!  Jesus, not expected, at all!  Nice work on turning the story!

Although, straight after, the dialogue Daddy says about Nathan and protection to me comes off as very on the nose and unrealistic.

Also, during this scene, you need to mention DARKO a lot earlier.  The scene starts at the bottom of page 74 and Darko isn't mentioned once until the top of page 77.  I thought you'd forgotten about him.

I don't think you should SHOW the stumps that were Agony's fingers.  I'd maybe suggest having it covered up by a tie or cloth or something.

OHHHHHHHHHHH.  Early has her fingers.

Page 81 -- THE SUSPENSE!  What was in the gift box?!

Jesus Christ.  Talk about a way to end the night?!  Tina in labour?!

Not sure how to feel about the scene with Fred and Tina.  I like the idea of one life gone (Fred) and another brought into the world (Newborn) but it's been done to death, IMO (no pun intended).

Liked the scene with Steven and Early.

Finally, 88 -- he robbed banks.  Well, that's not so bad.  A life-saving, bank-robbing guy with serious issues.  I like him!

Okay, so I liked the ending.  Not loved it.  But I liked it, and thought it was a great ending considering that the lake was where it started, then where it ended.  I thought Winston was going to try and kill himself and Early would save him from the water.  It would have been even better considering the start.  

I thought some things were left empty.  I would have loved for Lovely and Melissa to make an appearance of some sort of got a mention.  I felt like they were in the screenplay for that one very tense and scary scene, then they vanish.  Melissa, Lovely and Tina all felt very one dimentional.

What to say overall though?  The story, the characters, everything was great.  I have little complaints.  But this definetley gave off the indie-vibe.  I imagined  itin my head.  I also would consider this the best feature I've read on SS to date.  I'm so happy I gave this a read!

So, have you had interest in this?  Is it getting picked up?  This deserves to be on the screen.  This would do so well at Tribeca and Sundance.  Michael, I applaud you.  I really, really enjoyed this.

Good luck my friend!  Hope Carson has good things to say!

-- Curt


"No matter what you do, your job is to tell your story..."

Short scripts

GONE
(6 pages, drama/thriller)
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spesh2k
Posted: June 6th, 2013, 1:04pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks guys, for all of the comments. The review on Script Shadow -- of course, I would have liked to receive a better review, but I'm grateful for the exposure, I've received considerable interest in the script despite the review and the hilariously hateful comments on that scriptshadow discussion board, haha.

When writing Morphine, I knew it wasn't for everybody. And I kind of figured some people, especially other screenwriters, would be against the stream of consciousness structure (no real story, no real concrete goals for the protagonist, everything abstract). I guess this script was kind of my "Wild at Heart" -- one of the most consistent gripes about the script was the melodrama. The over-the-top aspects of the script were intended... I'm just surprised the script has been as well-received as it has (even with the harsher reviews).

I will comment on the recent reviews I've received here on simply scripts later in the day, really backed up with a lot of things right now. And I will get to the scripts I've promised to read and comment on eventually -- didn't forget about anybody!

-- Michael


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: June 6th, 2013, 1:18pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Review wasn't too bad.

He gave you a lot of credit as a writer, even if he thought the script was a bit of a mixed bag.

Nice one.
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stevie
Posted: June 6th, 2013, 2:20pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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Yeah, some interesting comments too.

One guy suggested making the story told from Agony's point of view, which is a little different.

And it was interesting to read that apparently bolding your slugs is the 'new standard' according to the reviewer who went through a few points showing that Michael knew what was doing, as opposed to this being a first effort.

Good luck with it man!



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spesh2k
Posted: June 6th, 2013, 4:00pm Report to Moderator
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There were interesting comments indeed, a lot of them helpful. The story being told from Agony's POV was interesting, though it's not one I'm really considering.

I think Carson offered the most helpful and constructive criticism, even though I disagree with a few comments here and there. But overall, he was very helpful.

But there were some comments on the discussion board that were kinda funny.

One of the comments said that they didn't buy the mother dying giving birth to the main character (they googled it and no results came up, thus it must be implausible, haha) -- later saying that the writer (me) was manipulating the reader/audience. Very odd. But I'm grateful to have received such a strong and passionate reaction, good or bad.

A few other comments, I got the impression that I ruined their life in some way by "forcing" them to start reading the script, haha. They were genuinely, down right offended, haha. Can't please everybody I guess...


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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