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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Mulatto Queen Moderators: bert
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  Author    Mulatto Queen  (currently 5028 views)
Don
Posted: February 23rd, 2014, 11:51am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Mulatto Queen by Gary Lloyd - Drama - King George III signs contract to marry German princess sight unseen. When princess arrives in London, it's at once clear she's a mulatto. 119 pages - pdf, format


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Forgive
Posted: February 23rd, 2014, 7:28pm Report to Moderator
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Mulatto ... - you seriously still use this word??? Oh, and by the way, you title the script 'The Wedding of King George' on the actual script. Boy, are you starting to look dumb so soon. Your log-line's crap too.
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DustinBowcot
Posted: February 24th, 2014, 3:12am Report to Moderator
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I took a look at this, only because I've used the word Mulatto in my script too. I don't think there's anything wrong with the word when used in historical context. Personally, I don't follow PC crap anyway and don't believe there is anything wrong with the word at all.

Cracker and Red Neck are also racist terms... yet they are used frequently without admonishment. I bet I could write a script entitled Randy the Redneck and nobody would bat an eyelid.

Onto the script... I'll read the first ten as this isn't really my thing. Although I love historical fiction... that doesn't fall under kings and queens romance stuff. Maybe there is lots of action in this, but it seems like a girly film and you've listed it as drama... I just get the impression there isn't going to be much for me in this. If I saw it in a shop I would walk right by it... don't take that the wrong way. I prefer thrillers, action, horror or historical action and adventure.

OK, I'm on page 1 and I notice that you know what you're doing. You write actively, succinctly and you know how to use commas correctly. That's great news... however as I get towards the bottom of the page I notice Barricks. Do you mean Barracks?
Also, you've used the American version of Armour. May not matter to any Americans reading, but as somebody British, reading something set in England, with British Royal Family... I expect proper English.

Code

Elizabeth -- now with SWORD and SHIELD -- leads the
PREOBRAZHENSKY GUARD down the hall to Regent Anna
Leopoldovna’s bedroom. Three of the OPPOSING GUARD run into
the hall WEAPONS drawn.

GENERAL OF PREOBRAZHENSKY REGIMENT
Drop your weapons or die!

The opposing guards look at each other, then to the general,
then to Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH
My cousin will not be harmed --
this I promise you.

Realizing dying will accomplish nothing, the opposing guards
drop their weapons.


In the above scene, it isn't clear - from the initial action block - how many guards Elizabeth is with. I read her being with just one guard. However I now realise you must mean the entire guard, plural. I had to double back over everything, like rewind then come again. Your writing is really good though. I just think an extra line of clarity or even description to help better set the mood. Brevity is good but it should never be at the sacrifice of atmosphere. Add a sense of urgency here, imo.

Ah OK... well done. I was wondering how you were going to pull off the mulatto getting into the royal family as I knew about the portrait thing. They always saw a picture... but often the portraits would be an over-exaggeration. Is that where this story stemmed from? A worst case scenario with an exaggerated portrait? Obviously relative to the times... and probably today too come to think of it. Interesting.

OK, your first 10 are good. Then we get to your pivotal point... the portraits and how you've handled it is not how you should, which is why - I'm guessing - you've taken from page 11-23 to try and explain it. Why not just have Shackleton die in a convenient accident?

You explain the confusion over the portrait with him being drunk... but once faced with the king, he would rather admit the complete truth than risk being beheaded or hung. You have him drunk doing the painting etc... that's pretty good, but then an accident where only his paintings and notes survive would suffice, rather than all this conversation. 12 pages is a lot for one scene and you don't really pull it off... it actually descends into comedy which is not what you're going for, I imagine.

OK, I may come back to this later. Got some work to do. 1st Act is pretty good though. Some interesting characters... not sure how much of a part Shackleton plays later, I hope it isn't pivotal.
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Bogey
Posted: February 24th, 2014, 7:56am Report to Moderator
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Not a genre that interests me, but I read the first few pages just out of curiosity. The word "mulatto" got my attention, and not in a good way, but it did provoke a read.

Anyway, I thought the writing was surprisingly crisp and efficient. I couldn't hang with it, because the subject isn't my thing, but that's not a reflection on your writing, which is quite good.

As for the use of "mulatto", I suggest that using it in dialog is one thing, but a logline is your voice, not that of a character. It's like the confederate flag. It's ok to use as a symbol in a film to depict an attitude, but if you wave it from your house, that says something about you (at least it does to me). Yes, the use of the word provoked a read from me, but I'm guessing it would have the opposite effect on professional readers.  


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Guest
Posted: February 24th, 2014, 7:07pm Report to Moderator
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What the hell's a mulatto?  

I had to look it up and found out that it's a pretty archaic term and more modern uses are "mixed" and "biracial".  

LOL I was wondering why this guy was getting heat.

Bogey's got a point too with "voice."  Dialogue is one thing... that logline needs work.

The writing on display is surprisingly OK... but I only read the first 2 pages...

This subject matter ain't my cup of joe.


--Steve
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Forgive
Posted: February 24th, 2014, 7:38pm Report to Moderator
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How is red-neck a racist term? Lost me there, but I'm willing to be wrong on that one. Mulatto's certainly archaic, and likely pre-dates pc. QT used n1gger in a script - doesn't mean it isn't offensive; I cringed personally. And anyone else who did isn't necessarily from the pc brigade.

My feeling on this... how's the guy used a different title for the script? I think provocation personally, but again I'm open on that one. My question, is why use the term in the log-line? The log-line is not context based, the story is.
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Guest
Posted: February 24th, 2014, 10:06pm Report to Moderator
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I remember that about Django.  I think I read some comments on here.

I, personally, did not care about it.  I wasn't bothered.  Didn't take me out of the read at all.


--Steve
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DustinBowcot
Posted: February 25th, 2014, 2:00am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Forgive
How is red-neck a racist term? Lost me there, but I'm willing to be wrong on that one. Mulatto's certainly archaic, and likely pre-dates pc.


Redneck harks back to the white slave days.... when we were kidnapped by blacks and enslaved in Africa. Also redlegs, redshanks... quite a lot of red... because of how our skin went while being worked like dogs for our black masters.
Educated white and black people know full well the true meaning of redneck... yet it is just fine, even today, to call a white man a redneck. It's exactly the same as calling a black man a nigger. Yet none of the PC brigade bat an eyelid. They probably wouldn't even care... oh the horrors those poor black people must have gone through... doesn't matter that whites went through exactly the same thing. Doesn't matter that whites were the first to abolish slavery either, while it still continues in Africa today.

Indeed it took a couple of wars in Africa to stop them kidnapping our people into slavery. It stopped and we continued simply because we were bigger and stronger (in terms of arms and technology)... if the Africans were stronger then it would be a different world today. I believe the evidence also points to the British being in it with the Barbary coast... at least in regards to dumping our poor there.


In regards to the term mulatto... that is not a derogatory term outside of the US and even there it is debatable. Just because a word is old it doesn't make it bad.
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DustinBowcot
Posted: February 25th, 2014, 2:16am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Guest


I had to look it up and found out that it's a pretty archaic term and more modern uses are "mixed" and "biracial".  

--Steve


That's it... that's all mulatto means. Most were proud to be separated from the blacks. They viewed themselves as a separate race and traded in slaves themselves. Indeed there was a whole class system of Mulattoes. I find this guy is excellent... not only does he tell it like it was, but he's also black.

http://www.theroot.com/articles/history/2013/10/mulatto_slave_traders_who_were_they.2.html

If you look into the history of slavery in the US you'll also find the first slave owner (before that it was indentured servitude) was a black man. He won a court case to keep forever a black servant he owned, therefore enslaving him. He started as a servant himself... feck it... you can read it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Johnson_(colonist)
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DustinBowcot
Posted: February 25th, 2014, 3:40am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DustinBowcot


Doesn't matter that whites were the first to abolish slavery either, while it still continues in Africa today.


I'd like to expand on this point because it is a little unfair to Africa. Africa is a country that is kept destabilised so that we can reap the resources as cheaply as we can. It's one of the reasons (if not the largest) poor people here (in the West and East) can afford to get fat. It's the reason we can complain about a minimum wage while going on holiday to exotic locations.

Not that that is the fault of you and me, nor of the millions of Africans that would much rather be poor here than working 16 hours a day (and still not able to afford food every day) there. Or even the millions that are starving to death. It is the fault of the system we have created, and are creating every day. Public opinion rules this world and is the beast within, it creates the have and have nots because secretly we'd all want to be at the top... no matter how much we bullshit each other with politically correct bollocks to assuage our guilt.

I understand what is going on in this world... why it is the way it is. Maybe there is a better way. I know I'd be willing to give equality a go. Unfortunately, our society doesn't believe there is a problem, certainly not one that is its fault. It must be the fault of this person or that person, scapegoats, people we put in charge to take the fall when it inevitably goes wrong... time and time again, like a - really bad - soap opera.
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TonyDionisio
Posted: February 25th, 2014, 8:55am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Golly folks,

This stuff is heavy. The majority of people that go to the movies just want to be entertained for a couple of hours. How many people actually want to tackle this stuff head on while paying money to boot? Documentaries maybe.

Tony.
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Demento
Posted: February 25th, 2014, 5:47pm Report to Moderator
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I come from East/South Europe, Mulatto isn't considered a very offensive word here, maybe because there aren't many mixed people here but I've never heard anyone get offended by it.
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TonyDionisio
Posted: February 25th, 2014, 6:01pm Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Quoted from Demento
I come from East/South Europe, Mulatto isn't considered a very offensive word here, maybe because there aren't many mixed people here but I've never heard anyone get offended by it.


I guess you don't have the NAACP roaming around.
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Bogey
Posted: February 25th, 2014, 6:14pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from TonyDionisio


I guess you don't have the NAACP roaming around.


I'm sorry, but that's really an ignorant comment. The NAACP has nothing to do with the word being offensive. I've never heard it used in the states as a simple description, but rather only in a derogatory way, usually with a racist intent. Nobody to blame for that except the speaker.

To be clear, though, I'm not accusing the author of the script on this thread of anything. It appears they just didn't know.
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TonyDionisio
Posted: February 25th, 2014, 9:14pm Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Why exactly is it ignorant? Please explain? I'm curious indeed.
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