SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 3:43am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Taking the Reins Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 8 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Taking the Reins  (currently 4020 views)
Don
Posted: March 1st, 2014, 7:45am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Taking The Reins by Rick Hansberry & Gary Howell (Hawkeye) - Drama - A reckless equestrian struggles through personal and professional setbacks to try to make history as the youngest winner of the elite Rolex championship, but his destructive personality poses the biggest obstacle to claiming the title. 111 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
bert  -  March 1st, 2014, 12:46pm
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
TonyDionisio
Posted: March 1st, 2014, 10:41am Report to Moderator
Been Around


Damnit, get to the point!

Location
Tennessee
Posts
768
Posts Per Day
0.20
Hi Gary and Rick

On your title page you don't need to include revision dates or include legal disclaimers. A copyright or WGA number will suffice.

I cropped some examples of what I feel are unclear or inappropriate screenplay methods. Since the first couple of pages are ripe with issues,  IMO you guys have problems and this is not ready to go yet.

THUMP. Will releases his grip, alcohol winning the fight. He slides down to a sitting position with his back against the stall and squats outside the stall.
-alcohol winning the fight? You don't need to include actor sitting positions in detail. Sitting and squatting... Let the director/actors handle that. You should focus on moving the story forward.

Moonlight fades as clouds overtake and Will’s perspective darkens with every blink as he fights off collapsing.
- unclear run on.

Three attempts at unlatching the stall gate show some fuzziness in Will and his droopy eyes now further indicate that there’s alcohol behind the bruises.
-alcohol behind a bruise? Just say: Will appears so drunk that he requires multiple attempts to open a simple gate. His eyes bloodshot from excessive alcohol consumption.

Moonlight shines through holes in the roof, illuminates HEMINGWAY- a 12 year old Thoroughbred that deserves better.
- animals don't get capitalized intros like people do. No biggie.

Barely whispered and slightly slurred. Hemingway steps into Will, offers his torso for support.
- I think I understand what you are saying but your syntax is incorrect. This needs to be rewritten.

You have a realtor on site that is showing the property to someone that has already 'bought'  it? Who would buy a house and barn that they haven't seen yet?

I know I only read a few pages but why is this in sci-fi and fantasy?

Gl with the script.

Tony.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 15
Gary in Houston
Posted: March 1st, 2014, 12:30pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Texas
Posts
1306
Posts Per Day
0.32
Don, thanks as always for posting!

While my name appears as an author on this, that's a misnomer.  This is really 90% Rick Hansberry (maybe 95%. Ok, 99%.) and my 2 cents thrown in here and there.  I met Rick over on the Movie Poet site and we've been going back and forth on some projects, of which this is one.

It's really a story concerning equestrian eventing, which I had no real concept of other than having seen it on TV a few times during the Olympics. Rick can give you all the real impetus behind it all.  But I think it has a little bit of a "Rocky" feel as to the main character, Will.  Look forward to comments from all.


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned


Revision History (1 edits)
Gary in Houston  -  March 1st, 2014, 1:55pm
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 15
Gary in Houston
Posted: March 1st, 2014, 12:34pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Texas
Posts
1306
Posts Per Day
0.32
Tony, thanks for the look. We'll take a look at where those things can be tightened up that you mentioned.  Incidentally, you mention that animals don't get caps like people do.  In this case, it's appropriate, as Hemingway is as much a main character as Will is.  Much like Seabiscuit or Lassie might be.

Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 15
Grandma Bear
Posted: March 1st, 2014, 12:38pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7961
Posts Per Day
1.36
Congrats you two!

I don't really have the time to read this one right away, but it sounds interesting enough to me, that I probably soon. One of my daughters evented up to prelim. Scary stuff. I hope Rick knows the equestrian bits. I think I've seen him posting some horsey pics on FB so he probably does.

Anyway, sound cool and something I'm actually interested in.  

Do you want to do a trade? I have an action script that needs a read.



Revision History (1 edits)
Grandma Bear  -  March 1st, 2014, 12:48pm
Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 15
Gary in Houston
Posted: March 1st, 2014, 1:18pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Texas
Posts
1306
Posts Per Day
0.32
Pia, thanks, and absolutely!  I'm always up for reading a Pia Cook production!  Still in shock after the shower scene in Dead Ringer!  I think you have my email address, so just forward whenever you want and I'll give it a once over.

BTW, when is Dead Ringer scheduled for release?

Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 15
Pale Yellow
Posted: March 1st, 2014, 1:31pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Posts
2083
Posts Per Day
1.40
Wow...only read the first ten pages but you guys can write! I want to read on, but it's movie time for me. I really like this so far though!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 15
Grandma Bear
Posted: March 1st, 2014, 2:27pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7961
Posts Per Day
1.36

Quoted from Gary in Houston
  Still in shock after the shower scene in Dead Ringer!

BTW, when is Dead Ringer scheduled for release?

It will be interesting to see how they handled that scene. Usually people tone down my scripts though. Wusses!

Showtime wants to buy it, but they need to make it 5 minutes longer first. If that happens, it will be big for me because I would actually get a big paycheck. Which would be a first.

Thanks! I'll send you the script as soon as I tweak the last scene. I'm not happy with it.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 15
Forgive
Posted: March 1st, 2014, 7:47pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Let The Sky Fall

Location
Various, exotic.
Posts
1373
Posts Per Day
0.27
Hey Gary - had a quick look at this.

Liked the opening sequence - gives a good indicator of the key themes; but I did wonder if it ran a little too long. Two scripts it reminded me of: Warhorse, and The Horse Whisperer - maybe check them out for a comparison.

Scenes two - three got me thinking a little. I can see why you put them in as there is good dramatic effect. But I had to wonder, as the dramatic element is a downturn, and so soon in, you be looking at setting up the world/story, maybe not putting in a downturn so soon? Maybe better if you had them prepping for an event? So maybe there you have them setting up the challenge early, so we have an idea of the intent, instead of a challenge to the intent? It just felt like a bit of an ace card, and I wasn't too sure you'd play an ace so soon - like thingy says in that film - send you pawns out first. I can still see it working, but but without the dramatic element to it - right now, as we don't know the goal, it doesn't actually impact on anything that we the audience have invested anything in.

Okay - there writing's pretty good, but I think you miss story intent - to page nine, I'm not clear on the goal yet I've got a lot of stuff the suggests the goal's frustrated. There's elements on page 8 that I think should go earlier, but I think you need your goal stated amongst everything else you've put up.

I think I recall other stuff you've out here, and I think this is strong progress -- characters are coming across, you're getting in early, descriptions are generally succinct; just a couple of issues with structure that's crossing my mind - let me know what you think as you may have thought this out so --

Simon

Revision History (1 edits)
Forgive  -  March 2nd, 2014, 5:04am
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 15
Don
Posted: March 2nd, 2014, 10:18am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94

Quoted from TonyDionisio


On your title page you don't need to include revision dates or include legal disclaimers. A copyright or WGA number will suffice.


Tony,

While true, when submitting or pitching your script, you only want to include the title and the writer(s) name, however, my strong preference, when posting a script to SimplyScripts (and this may become a requirement in the future) is to have the legal disclaimer.  

On more than one occasion short scripts have been lifted from the site and produced without the knowledge of the author.  When caught, the thief usually claimes that he/she thought the work was in the public domain.  The disclaimer is to remove any ambiguity.

Don


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 9 - 15
Gary in Houston
Posted: March 3rd, 2014, 10:43am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Texas
Posts
1306
Posts Per Day
0.32
Simon, thanks for the read! I think the idea at the beginning was to set up two or three obstacles for Will that he eventually will have to overcome as he progresses along towards his ultimate goal.  So the alcoholism, bar fight, losing his job and his home are all things that he has to deal with -- granted, when I just wrote this out, I didn't think about him having to deal with them all in the first 10 pages!  I could see where that can lead to sensory overload.  I think Will hints at his goal when he's talking with his father around page 4, but I agree that there could be clarity around what we're ultimately expecting of Will (or what he's expecting of himself) a little earlier.

I'm going to make Rick Hansberry get on these boards eventually and give some comments as well as to his thoughts behind some of those scenes.  But I'm glad the first few pages got you to thinking and that you liked the writing for the most part!  Thanks again for the read!

Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 15
Grandma Bear
Posted: March 21st, 2014, 2:15pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7961
Posts Per Day
1.36
Thanks for reading $2 Million Cash, Gary! I sent it in Wednesday. I'll keep you posted on how that goes. Scream For Me started shooting yesterday, so that's kept my mind busy too.  

Rick and Gary,

congratulations on this one. I believe this is the first time I’ve actually read a good equestrian feature. I’ve read a couple long time ago, but they were not so good. They were written by produced writers who are great story tellers, but knew nothing about horses. That always shows and ruins the experience. I don’t claim to be an expert, far from it, but I was in the horse business for ten years and both my daughters competed. One more than the other. She evented too up to prelim level. The Florida Horse Park and Rocking Horse were our main venues for that. We came in contact with lots of eventers. Especially during the winter season since most of them would show and winter down here in Florida and Ocala where we had our horses. At that time, Darren Chiaccia and the O’Conners and people like them were the big guns. They often rode their younger horses in the same classes as my daughter. As my daughters went off to college, we sort of ended the horsey stuff. We still have one left. A Swedish Warmblood who competed in the Swedish National Championships in eventing in 2000. He’s 24 now and retired. Only telling you this so you know where I’m coming from.

On to your story. This script is written very well. Absolutely no complaints there. I wouldn’t expect anything less from the two of you either. The story is good too, but IMHO, it has the same problem as so many sports stories. What is the problem? We pretty much know how it will end. There are only two outcomes with sports stories. 1. The hero wins or 2. the hero loses. Even though the Aussie guy edges out Will at the very end, there’s still this big win for Will. All the people we’re not supposed to like get theirs. Alexa especially. It feels very neat and tidy. Too neat and tidy. You know what I mean? There are no surprise outcomes. So, that is one gripe I have with this story. It’s predictable.

Another gripe I had was that I did not believe for a minute that any of these riders would ever qualify for Rolex. They simply didn’t seem like good enough riders. This leads me to the question, who is your intended audience for this story? I think to people who know nothing about horses, they probably would think the story is just fine. Maybe great even, but to anyone with any equestrian knowledge, I think they would roll their eyes at Will and Cari at Rolex. Several times you show how crummy Will is at dressage for example. As you probably know, dressage is a very subtle sport and requires a bit of a trained eye to see some of the mistakes. Which is probably why it’s not a great spectator sport. For a general audience to be able to see Will’s mistakes, those mistakes have to be pretty horrendous, which is one reason I just couldn’t by into him going to Rolex. The dressage tests at that level are quite difficult. Another is when the reporter says something like how amazing it is that Will is at the biggest show in the US when he was only doing Novice last year. That really nailed it.

Also, it would probably be pretty hard to find actors and horses to be able to pull all this stuff off. I’m sure it can be done, but it would be difficult at this level. Have you considered making this fictional shows instead of Rolex? I think that would take away some of the unbelievability. But why would you do that? You want the BIG show. The creme de la creme of eventing. It’s up to you of course. I’m just telling you how I saw this.

This is a story about Will fighting/working hard to get to the top. I honestly didn’t really feel he was working his ass off. There wasn’t enough of a struggle, IMO. Sure, there’s a little bit about needing money and needing help from others with the riding and such, but it didn’t feel like it was THAT much of a struggle. Maybe because some times Will just works totally against himself by drinking and fighting and things like that. Make him struggle a little harder. Make us feel like everything and everyone is against him, but somehow he fights through that. Rocky, of course did this perfectly.

Last year I watched RUSH. That’s a different type of sports film where two people are competing against each other. The film is really more about their relationship than the sport itself. That’s something you could take onboard too. Adding the Aussie guy at the end felt odd since we don’t meet him until the end.

Anyway, I’m rambling on. I think over all, this was a great effort. I just would like to see Will work harder. Suffer more and for the shows not to be about Rolex. It was a bit of a stretch, to me. Maybe if Kathryn took on a bigger role as trainer. Show us how she works hard with Will and she teaches him and we can progressively see the difference in his riding and in Hemingway’s potential.

Good luck with this and I would love to see this. I’m serious! In fact, I even looked up the schedule at the Florida Horse Park to see when the next three day event is. Your script wet my appetite for some X-country.

Cheers guys!  




Logged
Private Message Reply: 11 - 15
Grandma Bear
Posted: March 21st, 2014, 2:15pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7961
Posts Per Day
1.36
This is the second part!!!


Page 1 - 2     IMO, the first two pages can easily be slimmed down. That scene is no more than a minute. I know both of you are great writers, so I don’t see why you are using so many words to get to simple visuals.

Page 6          At this point, I’m thinking, Will’s wife or girlfriend was killed by a truck driven by the boss’ son. Fine, I can see how that would upset Will. However, it also appears to me that Will himself, drives while not sober. That kind of makes him a little less sympathetic, no? I think Will could use a Save The Cat moment here. How about giving the horse some food?  

Page 8          Will is our hero. We’re supposed to if not like him, at least empathize with him. I can see what you are doing with the set-up. His wife/gf died in an accident. He blames his boss’ son. He’s depressed and drinks. He gets in fights. He has no money and he struggles to pay to enter these horse trials where people with money has it so much easier than him. He’s the underdog. I get that, but does he have to be a slob too? You’re pouring it on and it doesn’t work in Will’s favor IMO.

Page 9          Was the woman who died in the truck accident his mother?

                      Also, Kathryn has two consecutive dialogues.

Page 10        The first ten pages, The story is set-up well, with the goals ahead and his struggling situation and even some back story. I would’ve liked to know right away though that the woman who died was his mother and not a gf. And, I also would like to like Will a little better. Simple fix. Have him feed the horse and have him trying to keep his truck neat and tidy. That shows that even though he has flaws, he tries at least about certain things.

Page 12.       He tied the lead to his boot? VERY dangerous move that no experienced rider would do. Plenty of people have had their hands and arms pulled off from having had leads wrapped around them and the horse spooks. Happened to a girl where we had our horses too.

Page 14.       Cari sounds just like a writer who received notes s/he didn’t like.  

Page 15.       Somehow I have a hard time picturing this guy in a muscle convertible…with two missing teeth. Is there a reason for the two missing teeth?

Page 17.       I see. I guess Terrance was the guy in the fight> I had forgot his name.

                     Why can’t Will find a job as a rider? If he’s that good, he should have no problem. There’s always a need for good riders to train and start horses. At least in my opinion.

Page 18.       If Will is a good eventer, I bet he wouldn’t be aching from riding a bike. Besides, most event riders I know are tough as nails.

Page 21.       Is it important that Mr. T is an arabian? Just asking because they’re not known to be great jumpers.    

Page 25.       I like Kathryn best so far. A no nonsense woman who doesn’t play games.

                     Hemingway’s feet? I think it will give this script a more genuine feel if you called them hooves.

Page 28.       I can’t say I sympathize with Will right now. It really comes across as him not trying his hardest to do things right. Going out to blow the money on beer, getting drunk and over sleeping just doesn’t sit right. Maybe later on you’ll have Will do something amazing to fix this, but this is how I feel at this time in this script.

Page 29.      I don’t want to question some of your decisions here. I’m only speaking from experience, but it’s also been about 5 years since my daughter evented. Kathryn is an older event rider with lots of experience at the big shows. IMHO, a person like her doesn’t call the vet for a sole bruise. She would be able to examine and make her own conclusion on what’s wrong and what to do. This is just my opinion, so why don’t you have her take the vet’s place here?

Page 32.      Kind of an odd transition here. We go from Cari watching Will take Yaz to a paddock and in the next scene he is parking his truck in the farms parking lot as if he’s been somewhere. Why not have him walk to his truck instead and then notice Cari’s flat tire.

Page 37.      When Kathryn tells Will that the girls have worked harder, Will asks, and I haven’t? I felt he was being really stupid there. As far as I can tell, he has not.

Page 39.      That’s a very long phone conversation with Will’s dad. A lot of it we already know so it’s repetitive for an audience. It’s also a very boring scene visually. Maybe you can try to entertain our eyes some while this conversation goes on.

Page 40.      Will’s reads screens…???

                    Your characters seem to do a lot of drinking and driving. May want to be careful with that.

Pge 44.        I was wondering when Will was going to start working on his dressage. If he’s thinking he’s going to a 4 star event, he’s got to be good at dressage…and the horse too. There are some hard movements in those tests.

Page 47.      Nice transition going from the discussion of the x-country frnce to James jumping it.

                    I don’t quite get what was going on here at the bottom half of this page. Will is running to what cart? What ropes ar raised? Is he on Hemingway or just walking him? Maybe make this a little more clear?

Page 48.     Funny, but true about Cari thinking Will was gay. Sadly, most people, even riders often assume that male riders are gay. I had Jan Brink over for a symposium a few years ago. He said he used to play hockey when he was young, but he switched to horseback riding because that’s where the girls were and there was no competition.    It woul’d been nice to see Will’s response to Cari’s comment though.

Page 49.     Still having a hard time picturing an Arabian at this level…

Page 56.     I actually agree with Alexa here. It doesn’t seem to me either that Will adds a whole lot to the team.

                   Btw, you started the scene by saying that the riders sit apart. You might want to mention which riders are there. On the following page, I realized that Will must have been there too since he leaves. I first assumed they wouldn’t be talking about him like that with him there. Since he’s there, it would be nice to see some reaction from him.

Page 58.    IMO, you shouldn’t have Will drink so much. At least not to the point of passing out. It doesn’t do much for his character. It just makes him look like he’s not really taking this seriously and he’s also got a serious drinking problem. It doesn’t make me feel more sympathetic for him at all, which is what I think what you’re going for. Another thought I just had is who is your target audience with this story? As you know, most people into riding are females. LOTS of young teenage girls…and older women. You already have your characters drink and drive and Will’s continuous drinking problem. From a marketing standpoint, that might not be that good. The older women won’t care, some of them could probably drink Will under the table, but maybe the MPAA would.

Page 61.    Maybe I missed it, but what exactly does Bauer Industrials do?

Page 56.    Who is Roddy Will?

Page 70.    Why won’t Will let the farrier take a look? If there’s something that visibly wrong with Hemingway’s leg, it doesn’t make me like Will more if he ignores it. In fact, I think one thing that’s missing with Will is that it does not appear that Hemingway is as important to him as he should be.

Page 71.    Still having a hard time picturing this arabian at a three star event.

Page 76.    Good portrayal of the end of the x-country day. Soldiers being lead away from a battlefield.

Page 80.    Cari starts to sound whiny here. Also, if she’s that amazing of a rider, it hasn’t really come across so far in reading this script. I know she’s been doing good at shows, but she still doesn’t come across as an amazing rider. Neither do any of the others. I think needs to be fixed for this script to be believable.

Page 81.     Something about this whole Cari “opening up” here doesn’t feel right. It’s almost like we suddenly know her more than Will and he’s supposed to be our protag. Not saying it’’s bad, but if we learn this deeper stuff about Cari, we need to see more stuff from Will too. IMHO.

Page 83.     Missing word in Rex’s dialogue.

Page 86.     Kind of a bonehead move of Terrance to do the fireworks. Can’t he figure out that someone could get hurt and by him spray painting over the Bauer logo, someone at Bauer would be suspect? It just seems like an uber dumb move.

Page 88.     Not sure I buy that a local news station would do an interview with Will about something that happened awhile back and has been settled in court. After all, there are no new news here. They’re just going to let Will talk about what he “thinks” happened. That doesn’t seem believable to me. Are they going to have Terrance doing an interview later from his point of view?

Page 91.     Your series of shots seem a bit off in order. Will is packing his dressage clothes. Cari leads Yas into the trailer along with all their gear, giving us the impression they are about to leave, but this is followed by shots of Will practicing his dressage, Cari doing flat work while Edward and Kathryn watches. Then they all get in the trailer and leave. Nothing wrong with these shots, they just don’t seem to be in the right order.

Page 95.     IMHO, Kathryn’s little rant about Alexa seems a bit out of character. More like a whiny young girl rather than an older wiser event woman.

Page 99.     Sad isn’t it? But true. Stadium barely filled for dressage.

Page 100.   The way you set everyone up until now, I have a feeling I know exactly how this will end. Something bad will happen to Alexa. Either she gets hurt or something else, but she definitely won’t win. Will? He probably will win. That’s the problem with so many sports stories. The hero will always win which makes it predictable and less satisfying in the end.

Page 106.   Alexa dumping into the water jump felt very predictable and expected.







Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 15
Gary in Houston
Posted: March 21st, 2014, 10:11pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Texas
Posts
1306
Posts Per Day
0.32
Pia,

Wow. What great, great notes.  We really do appreciate the amount of time you spent reading it.  The notes are especially great coming from someone who has knowledge of the eventing world, so I truly take what you say to heart. I know Rick has a working knowledge of that world, as his wife and daughter are equestrians as well. So I have to admit that practically everything equestrian related comes from Rick. My knowledge comes strictly from watching the Olympic equestrian events on TV!

So I think we were aiming for a "Rocky" type feel, so it's interesting that you hit on that. The difficult thing is translating a theme like that to another sports genre and staying true to the sport. Of course, equestrian eventing is a difficult sport to convey competitively given it's not one on one, but horse and rider competing against the course.

Your criticisms are certainly valid ones, many of which I know we missed on some of the reviews. How could we have called Hemingway's hooves feet?  Doh!  And the character concerns need to be given serious consideration.  I think another reader also pointed out that Will's arc is achieved too easily and that both Cari and Will are a little young to be making Rolex.

As you know, some liberties had to be taken to try and heighten the drama and to make equestrian eventing appealing to those who don't necessarily know the sport, but I get that some of your concerns have nothing to do with the sport itself, and we need to take a hard look at those things in a rewrite.

Thanks so much for your read and valuable insight, Pia.  It's greatly appreciated!

Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 15
Gary in Houston
Posted: August 2nd, 2014, 11:57am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Texas
Posts
1306
Posts Per Day
0.32
Happy to report that "Taking the Reins" has been selected for the Featured Script of the Month of "Shootin' the Shorts' feature edition!

You can check it out here:

http://www.simplyscripts.com/2.....able-for-production/

Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 15
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006