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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Bonafide Moderators: bert
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  Author    Bonafide  (currently 1360 views)
Don
Posted: April 25th, 2015, 10:31am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Bonafide by Daniel J Santandrea - Drama, Comedy - A child soldier and a determined college student face tragedy, finding help in each other and the refuge of an influential professor. 85 pages - pdf, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  April 28th, 2015, 2:08pm
revised draft
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AdamV
Posted: May 7th, 2015, 12:49am Report to Moderator
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read part of it...i think the banter between the friends is authentic
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Anon
Posted: May 7th, 2015, 7:41am Report to Moderator
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Took a look at this. Bit of a misleading logline - and not delivering what a reader's expecting could turn people off. For instance -

SPOILERS

You say a student and child solider find help in each other. After reading this for a while I got frustrated that the two seemed to have nothing to do with each other. So I flicked through to discover they don't help each other at all. They literally just meet each other right at the end. Their stories aren't linked.

If you're sticking with that structure - I'd amend your line.
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