All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Stand Defiant by Patrick Gillespie - Drama - A Christian husband and wife, working as Doctors find themselves caught up in the turmoil of War in Syria. 78 pages - pdf, format
Don't worry about that Patrick. Haven't got any scripts on at the moment, but will have. Reading other people's screenplays is a learning experience for me also.
Pg. 17: Ruth KICKS can. I've read a lot about this, but I am still unsure when words need to be capitalized. Certainly when a character is introduced, but do we really need to do it for other things like significant events in the script. My rule at the moment, is use sparingly, like twice or less.
You should go over the dialogue. There are quite a few grammar issues and some unnatural or 'on the nose' sections like the example below. Fix that and make their meeting at the start a little more interesting/original and i'd read on. As it stands i'm out but good luck with it.
ELIJAH I can’t believe it has being almost two years since we all first met in this very room. We have laughed and cried together in this room. Even had the odd cross words.
RUTH But we have always managed to forgive and forget. We are such a tight group, we can not say a word and know exactly what the other is thinking.
I was going to mention this in my review. It seems to be a common theme in fledgling screenwriters. If I'm rushing to finish something I might do this, and the next draft I will try to find another way to express these things. Typos are clearly an issue I would agree. I'm finding it an interesting read though. It is a subject matter that is rarely touched.
The logline is misleading; the story really focuses on the Christian wife who is kidnapped by ISIS militants and planned rescue by FBI. The second half of the story is a hell of a lot stronger than the first part; almost as if the writer has concentrated on the second half of the script much more. I became really engaged with Ruth’s plight and building the plan to rescue her, it was really ‘Delta Force’ guys on a mission stuff. The story deals with some really dark themes about the misogynistic Jihadi views and asks a lot of questions, especially through Ruth. But as was mentioned before, the dialogue is on the nose, you need to find other ways for the characters to express themselves. Some of the most powerful scenes in cinema, there has been no dialogue (e.g. Bob Hoskins last scene in The Long Good Friday). I don’t know if you meant this to be a faith film, it does feel like a faith film, with a bit of Chuck Norris thrown in. The story did feel like a battle of religions, Islam and Christianity, where Christianity is the winner. Having Christian beliefs myself, I can’t complain about that. In fact I commend you for being blunt about this, because the liberalist view dominates in movies. There are typos throughout, and these are really distracting to the story. You should go through the whole script painstakingly before presenting it to anybody. I like the idea of a Southern American protagonist. I wouldn’t use accented dialogue unless it is vital to the story; there are too many ‘y’all’s. I think that you included the courtship of Elijah and Ruth to make us emotionally invested in that relationship, but it feels like we are being misled that the story is going to be about the ups and down of their relationship. I would suggest starting the story in Syria, in their new hospital, you could convey all that, and the love of their staff, all in Syria. It seems you want Ruth to be a strong female character, in the tradition of Sarah Connor and Clarice Starling, a woman who overcomes her struggles, who stands defiant. We do see her getting stronger as the story progresses up to her preparing for death, but she suffers most in regards to the conveying everything through dialog; there is no need for Ruth to tell Gomes how grateful she is, that’s obvious, having her break down and sobbing conveys all that. My favourite parts of the script where the ones dealing with FBI and White House staff (felt well researched), and I really liked the scene where the two special ops fight the ISIS fighters, felt like it was straight from a Vince Flynn novel. Because you are dealing with specific historic events (and Obama), I would suggest putting dates in. I would try not to go passed the 90 page script. I heard movie people say a spec script has a better chance of being read it is around that mark, as opposed to 115-120.
I hope these notes are helpful, the story does have potential.