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Vivan Bonafide (currently 778 views)
Don
Posted: October 1st, 2017, 6:01pm
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So, what are you writing?
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Vivian Bonafide by Dave Nelson - Drama - Two young girls which in horror as their parents are murdered in cold blood. They vow revenge by any means necessary. 87 pages - pdf, format
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eldave1
Posted: October 1st, 2017, 7:08pm
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Issues right out of the shoot.
Quoted Text
EXT. MARKET PLACE - DUSK
- Scene heading needs a little more than market place
- What is with the parenthesis???
- Momma should be CAPPED and intro'd as a character
- Don;t need "years old". Just state their age - e.g., (19)
Quoted Text
CHOW LEE
More parenthesis in the dialogue.
Quoted Text
CHOW LEE BONAFIDE, 72 years old and his wife MOMMA BONAFIDE,
Last sentence entirely unfilmable.
So - I'm sorry - but this needs work. Not ready yet.
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