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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Weight of the Wind Moderators: bert
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  Author    Weight of the Wind  (currently 824 views)
Don
Posted: January 17th, 2018, 5:19pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Weight of the Wind by Hayden Bownds - Drama - A suicidal man is taken on a time-traveling journey of self-discovery by God and Satan, forcing him to come to terms with his faults and enabling him to mend the wounds he’s left in his tracks. 90 pages

Beat Sheet; Synopsis - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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eldave1
Posted: January 21st, 2018, 2:24pm Report to Moderator
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Hayden - perused the first three pages - nothing major but you do have some tidying up to do - probably true throughout:


Quoted Text
JONAS V.O


Should be JONAS (V.O)


Quoted Text
LIVINGROOM


LIVING ROOM


Quoted Text
TAYLOR (PRE-LAP)


Pretty sure it's not a pre-lap

Quoted Text

CUSTOMERS O.S.


CUSTOMERS (O.S)


Quoted Text
Taylor chats with the manager. Jonas eavesdrops while holding
back a deluge of tears.


You have not previously intro'd the manager - should be CAP


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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