Jefferson City Confidential by Miguel Pelaez - Drama - FBI Agent Johnathan Caulfield moves to Jefferson City with his troubled girlfriend Katherine, his work catches up to him as Kat distances herself from him and ends up stabbing him in the back. 91 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Miguel:

There is an error in all of your scene headers. You're missing a space. e.g., this:

Quoted Text EXT. PORTLAND STREETS- DAY

Should be:

EXT. PORTLAND STREETS - DAY

Try to decrease the use of is and ares in your writing - it'll make it more efficient. e.g.,

Quoted Text The clouds are grey, the streets are slicked with rain, not a soul is nearby.

Can simple be:

Grey clouds. Empty streets slicked with rain.

Quoted Text KATHERINE YOUNGSTONE (20s) is a girl with deep scars, both physical and psychological. She's constantly drenched in a self imposed silence and mystery.

Most of this is unfilmable - you need to provide the above info through action or dialogue rather than telling us.

Watch out for the "ing" words. e.g.,

Quoted Text Katherine's eyes are dripping with her black make-up, she's looking out into the world, she takes a long drag of her cigarette and walks off the building.

Better as:

Mascara streaks from Katherine's eyes as she looks out into the world...

Overall - rather than:

Dave is typing comments.....

write

Dave types comments

All of the above issues are throughout.

Best of luck