ELDAVE1

Thank you very much for your input, effort taken to advise me on so much in just a few of my pagers. All will help me a lot in my rewrite.

Again thanks

Barry John  

Quoted from BarryJohn ELDAVE1 Thank you very much for your input, effort taken to advise me on so much in just a few of my pagers. All will help me a lot in my rewrite. Again thanks Barry John

You're welcome

Thanks Don, for posting the updated script.

Page 1

Quoted Text EXT/INT. KENYA - FARMING VILLAGE - DAY In the vast African bush plain - A scatter of mud and stone built homes. Grass thatched roofs. Goats, chickens, dogs - wander aimlessly. Not a human in site.

The above is pretty good tone setting.

You don't need "built"

Quoted Text On the outskirts of the village stands a humble and modest stone-brick church. It's large open double wooden doors are inviting.

I think you need a new header for the above

EXT.  OUTSKIRTS OF VILLAGE - CHURCH - DAY

Quoted Text The villagers are seated in tranquillity to the warm words of the village Priest, who is ending his sermon in pray.

You definitely need a new header for the above - you're now inside

INT. CHURCH - DAY

Quoted Text FATHER JOSEPH, 25, tall, African man. Abandoned at birth, he was brought up in a Kenyan catholic orphanage and school. He is of kind nature, soft spoken, warm kind hearted. Humble and modest, he is a TRUE BELIEVER. He has never studied to be a Priest, and as such is not. Not as a Priest we know to be... But, to the people of this village, he is their Priest. It's so been bestowed upon him by the people of the village and the villages master, MASTER JONATHAN. Master Jonathan, 45, a big man, white. Owner of this vast land in which the villagers live and work for him herding his cattle and ploughing his land.

All of the stuff I have bolded is unfilmable. It has to go.  eg., how does the Director film that he has never studied to be a Priest? etc. etc.

This info needs to be brought to us through dialogue or action - you can't just tell us.

If you can find no effective way to to that - I suppose you could use a NARRATOR

Hi Eldave1
Thanks for your read and valid comment. For all using a NARRATOR to tell of Father Joseph.

Re- scene heading. It seems a controversial issue across the board.
Some say; EXT/INT. KENYA - FARMING VILLAGE - DAY
- Is acceptable as a one scene header to include the church (INT) as the church scene is so short.
- And that outskirt of village is still part of the farming village.

Thanks again.  

Barry: IMO the answer is no on inside the Church -and it is not really covered by INT/EXT. The only time I have ever used INT/EXT is where I have a character on the inside observing stuff on the outside (like in a car - a character is looking at stuff outside his window). But generally, IMO you need a fresh header every time you move from outside to inside and vice versa. I would have written it like this:

Quoted Text EXT. KENYA - FARMING VILLAGE - DAY In the vast African bush plain - A scatter of mud and stone homes with grass-thatched roofs. Goats, chickens, dogs - wander aimlessly. Not a human in sight. A hundred yards off a humble and modest, stone-brick church. It's large open double wooden doors slightly open. INT.  CHURCH - DAY VILLAGERS sit in roughly crafted wooden pews. Their total attention focused on -- FATHER JOSEPH, 25, a tall, African man, head bowed, hands folded in prayer.

Then continue with the scene in the church.

I see...
Thanks again Eldave1

Quoted Text All of the stuff I have bolded is unfilmable. It has to go.  eg., how does the Director film that he has never studied to be a Priest? etc. etc. This info needs to be brought to us through dialogue or action - you can't just tell us. If you can find no effective way to to that - I suppose you could use a NARRATOR

Above quote. - Exposition. I came across an interesting post I thought Id share:

https://scriptmag.com/screenpl.....n-scene-ever-written

Quoted from BarryJohn I see... Thanks again Eldave1 Above quote. - Exposition. I came across an interesting post I thought Id share: https://scriptmag.com/screenpl.....n-scene-ever-written

That's a very good article - thanks for the link.