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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Robbed by a Stripper Moderators: bert
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  Author    Robbed by a Stripper  (currently 285 views)
Don
Posted: June 6th, 2022, 3:42pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Robbed by a Stripper by Rick Fraser - Drama - Having always desired for her own money, a stunningly gorgeous girl, in her second year of a Computer Science Master’s program, is working as a stripper and sees bags of money in the club’s manager’s office and decides she must have some of it. The problem is the club is owned by the mob, no one would be stupid enough to rob them, would they? 88 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice


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velera
Posted: June 8th, 2022, 12:40pm Report to Moderator
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Rick:

I think this might help:
**********************************
RUNNER
A computer science major by day and stripper by night steals  money from the club manager’s safe, only to discover she’s stolen from the mob – and they’re hell bent on getting their money back.

Rich

Revision History (1 edits)
velera  -  June 8th, 2022, 12:54pm
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LC
Posted: June 8th, 2022, 6:24pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from velera
Rick:

I think this might help:
**********************************
RUNNER
A computer science major by day and stripper by night steals  money from the club manager’s safe, only to discover she’s stolen from the mob – and they’re hell bent on getting their money back.

Rich


Nice tweak of the Logline.
I hope the writer comes on board to discuss.


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