The Mad Potter by Andrew Lee Shelton - Drama, Historical Biopic - Amidst the turbulent 19th-century Deep South, George E. Ohr, the Mad Potter of Biloxi, battles societal norms and personal demons to redefine art through his eccentric creations, risking everything to leave a lasting mark on the world of pottery. 126 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Thrilled to share the new A.I. inspired movie trailer for my script, “The Mad Potter�—a visual exploration of the incredible life of George E. Ohr. The video was created using @PicLumen, @RunwayML, @LumaLabsAI, @Artlist_io, and @Elevenlabsio with video production in @Apple Final Cut Pro.

Andrew, love this trailer! It served its purpose in making me eager to read your script. I love historical dramas and this seems to fit the bill. I’ll be back to comment after I’ve had the chance to sit down and read it.

Best,

Kathy

Hi Kathy,

Thank you so much for the kind words! I’m really glad the trailer sparked your interest—it means a lot, especially coming from someone who appreciates historical drama. I look forward to hearing your thoughts once you’ve had a chance to read the script.

All my best,
Andrew

Andrew, as promised I have read your script - first a quick read through to get a feel for it and then a second time to really soak it all in. Of course, in between the two I was Googling “George Ohrâ€� to learn more about his fascinating life (and also ogling  his “mud babiesâ€� that still exist which I now have a strong hankering for!).  

To be clear, I am not a “technicalâ€� reviewer at which some here excel, i.e. pointing out formatting errors, typos, etc., I prefer to concentrate on story value.  Maybe someone can come along and provide that more technical aspect, although I think they will have little to nitpick.

I am assuming this is not your first attempt at script writing.  From subject matter, to tone, to formatting, everything falls beautifully into place.  You have portrayed each scene so vividly that I could easily create it in my mind, from the scene of George and Josephine on the Ferris Wheel, to George’s cross-country adventure to learn the varied art of “clay throwingâ€�, to your portrayal of his heartbreak at the loss of his child.  All exquisitely laid out.  From your vision for this, it is so easy to step back into that era more than one hundred years ago.  You also paint a vivid picture of a gifted artist, with both genius and eccentricity.   I kept picturing DiCaprio in that roll, but that’s just me and my imagination  LOL.

As to originality, storyline, and overall excellence, I would not hesitate to give this a solid “A� and would recommend others here read if they are looking for a compelling and well-written historical epic.

In closing, the only technical thoughts I might offer are 1) in your opening scenes where 60 year old George reaches out and caresses the ceramic monkey, perhaps you could fade out and back in to the 3 year old George doing the same, thereby announcing the time hop back to his youth as well as the importance of that one piece to the story overall.  Also I wondered if when going back to his childhood you might want to insert another “SUPERâ€� of “Biloxi 1860", just to cement the fact of when/where we are at that time. Again, I will not go through pointing out typos - there were a couple, but nothing a quick polish won’t remedy, however, you might want to check page 30 and change “It wets my appetiteâ€� to “whetsâ€� - LOL, okay, just one nit.

Thank you for the pleasure of reading “The Mad Potterâ€�.  I wish you the very best with this work and hope you will continue to share your other scripts with us as you have them.  FWIW, there is a lot of traffic on this site and many have optioned and sold scripts thanks to that fact.   I wish that and more for you as well.

Best,

Kathy

Andrew, one more point that I had in my notes that I neglected to mention above. On Page 14, Joseph mentions that the first time he met George was “on the beach� after the storm, however, your earlier set up has them meeting in Meyer’s Pottery Shop when George is 3 and Joseph is 12. You might want to revisit that and adjust as needed. Just an observation.

Hi Kathy,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and detailed feedback. I’m thrilled that the script resonated with you, and I’m glad George’s journey and the depiction of his life came through so vividly for you.

I also love your visualization of DiCaprio in the role! Who knows, maybe someone will bring that vision to life one day!

I truly value your encouragement and the time you took to dive into the script. Knowing that you found it compelling and well-written means the world to me. I’ll certainly keep you updated on future projects, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this one with everyone on the forum. I can only hope the traffic on this site leads to great things for George’s story.

Thanks again!

Andrew

I wanted to share that my script The Mad Potter was recently named a Quarterfinalist in the Filmmatic Drama Screenplay Awards.

It’s always encouraging to receive recognition, and I’m grateful for the support and feedback I’ve gotten over the past few months.

Thanks again to those who’ve taken the time to check it out.

Woohoo! That’s awesome news, Andrew!  See, I knew I was right about this being a great script!  Glad it’s getting well-deserved recognition. Please keep us posted with any future developments. Wishing you much luck moving forward in the competition!

This is one of those that I hesitate to comment on because … ya know… You can write and anything I have to offer probably makes no difference in whether or not you sell this script. That being said, since I think this is close, so I am going to be nit-picky as hell on page one and let you decide what to use or discard.

IMO – lose the SUPERIMPOSE TITLE and the TITLE CARDS.. They are poison in spec scripts as they only serve to interrupt our immersion in the story.  

You are already at 126 pages and any trimming you can do can only help.

NOTE: I PERSONALLY BELIEVE A SCRIPT SHOULD BE EXACTLY AS LONG AS IT NEEDS TO BE TO TELL THE STORY WHETHER IT IS 80 PAGES OR 140 PAGES.

However…

The industry doesn’t.  A sad fact, but a fact nonetheless (unless you are already a big-time writer).  You are going to get groans and read resistance once they see the page count. Find a way to get this down to 115 or so. Like here:

OVER BLACK.

SUPERIMPOSE: “And the potter said unto the clay, be ware, and
it was.� George E. Ohr

FADE IN:

Could be trimmed to:

SUPERIMPOSE OVER BLACK:

And the potter said unto the clay, be ware, and it was.� George E. Ohr

Saving you two lines on the script page.

Quoted Text EXT. OHR HOUSE-DAY The sun creeps above the horizon. Somewhere off in the distance, a rooster CROWS.

First – all of your headers need to be corrected as there is suppose to be a space on both sides of the –

i.e., it should be:

EXT. OHR HOUSE – DAY

And this header and the absence of a description gives me no bearings. Is this an expansive ranch home? Suburbs? Is it in good shape or a piece of shit, etc.? If the answer is that it doesn’t matter, then the scene doesn’t matter either… i.e., you could just start in the bedroom. But I’m guessing it does matter so maybe something like:

EXT. OHR FARM HOUSE – DAY

The sun creeps above the horizon, illuminating a small, weather-worn, dilapidated farm house.

This …

Quoted Text The bed CREAKS underneath GEORGE OHR (60), who rises slowly. His feet dangle off the side of the bed. His long, grey beard is a ruffled mess, matching the thinning hair on his head. He begins to HACK and COUGH.

Is a bit inefficient/clumsy. You don’t need underneath.. and “who rises slowly� as a suboptimal way of saying rises slowly… So…

The bed CREAKS as GEORGE OHR (60), rises…

You don’t need “he begins to…. Just …

He HACKS and COUGHS as his feet hit the floor.

Quoted Text George shuffles towards an aging sink. He turns the knob and splashes his face with cold water. He stares at his reflection in the mirror. He is pale and his eyes are sunken.

Is this sink in the bedroom? If not, you need a mini-header (BATHROOM)

AND

How important is this scene really? Again, we’re at 126 pages – does the story change at all if I just cut from the bedroom to:

Quoted Text EXT. OHR HOUSE-DAY George straps up his suspenders. With a leisurely stretch, he raises his arms towards the heavens.

Think about it..

Quoted Text INT. SHED-DAY The rusty hinges of the shed’s door begin to SQUEAK as George

Here we are again with the begin again…. Go through your script and look for every begins or starts and nuke them. This should simply be:

Rusty hinges squeak as George pushes the door open.

Quoted Text He steps inside, his eyes immediately drawn to the centerpiece. WOOSH! He yanks back the heavy tarp,

You don’t need he steps inside… It’s implied. Just start with.. His eyes immediately drawn …

Okay…

So that’s page 1 and everything I said may be absolute crap. So use or ignore at your discretion.

What I do believe is that you are a talented storyteller and a very solid writer… I do think you can squeeze out another 5% to move you to the top-notch category.

Good luck with this in the contest.

Quoted from eldave1 This is one of those that I hesitate to comment on because … ya know… You can write and anything I have to offer probably makes no difference in whether or not you sell this script. That being said, since I think this is close, so I am going to be nit-picky as hell on page one and let you decide what to use or discard. IMO – lose the SUPERIMPOSE TITLE and the TITLE CARDS.. They are poison in spec scripts as they only serve to interrupt our immersion in the story.   You are already at 126 pages and any trimming you can do can only help. NOTE: I PERSONALLY BELIEVE A SCRIPT SHOULD BE EXACTLY AS LONG AS IT NEEDS TO BE TO TELL THE STORY WHETHER IT IS 80 PAGES OR 140 PAGES. However… The industry doesn’t.  A sad fact, but a fact nonetheless (unless you are already a big-time writer).  You are going to get groans and read resistance once they see the page count. Find a way to get this down to 115 or so. Like here: OVER BLACK. SUPERIMPOSE: “And the potter said unto the clay, be ware, and it was.â€� George E. Ohr FADE IN: Could be trimmed to: SUPERIMPOSE OVER BLACK: And the potter said unto the clay, be ware, and it was.â€� George E. Ohr Saving you two lines on the script page. First – all of your headers need to be corrected as there is suppose to be a space on both sides of the – i.e., it should be: EXT. OHR HOUSE – DAY And this header and the absence of a description gives me no bearings. Is this an expansive ranch home? Suburbs? Is it in good shape or a piece of shit, etc.? If the answer is that it doesn’t matter, then the scene doesn’t matter either… i.e., you could just start in the bedroom. But I’m guessing it does matter so maybe something like: EXT. OHR FARM HOUSE – DAY The sun creeps above the horizon, illuminating a small, weather-worn, dilapidated farm house. This … Is a bit inefficient/clumsy. You don’t need underneath.. and “who rises slowlyâ€� as a suboptimal way of saying rises slowly… So… The bed CREAKS as GEORGE OHR (60), rises… You don’t need “he begins to…. Just … He HACKS and COUGHS as his feet hit the floor. Is this sink in the bedroom? If not, you need a mini-header (BATHROOM) AND How important is this scene really? Again, we’re at 126 pages – does the story change at all if I just cut from the bedroom to: Think about it.. Here we are again with the begin again…. Go through your script and look for every begins or starts and nuke them. This should simply be: Rusty hinges squeak as George pushes the door open. You don’t need he steps inside… It’s implied. Just start with.. His eyes immediately drawn … Okay… So that’s page 1 and everything I said may be absolute crap. So use or ignore at your discretion. What I do believe is that you are a talented storyteller and a very solid writer… I do think you can squeeze out another 5% to move you to the top-notch category. Good luck with this in the contest.

Thanks so much for taking the time to look over my script and share your input! I appreciate your honesty and constructive feedback. I’ll definitely keep your suggestions in mind as I continue to develop the script. Thanks again for your time and thoughtful insights!"

Quoted from maverick1096 Thanks so much for taking the time to look over my script and share your input! I appreciate your honesty and constructive feedback. I’ll definitely keep your suggestions in mind as I continue to develop the script. Thanks again for your time and thoughtful insights!"

My pleasure - you have loads of talent