Slightly Mad by David Fell - Dramedy - Harry's parents die in a car crash and he and best friend Radio embark on a sex, drugs and alcohol spree that would put the Rolling Stones to shame. Then he meets Michelle, Granny steps into the fray and it seems like it's time to settle down. But, somehow, he just can't stop being Harry. 90 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work

David: Obvious from the start that you need to brush up on some of the basics.

Quoted Text Slightly Mad

Should be on a separate title page along with written by.

Quoted Text 1 INT HOTEL EDINBURGH NIGHT

All your scene headings are formatted wrong and you don't need to number them. The above should be:

INT.  HOTEL EDINBURGH - NIGHT

Quoted Text There is a happy wedding in full swing. A large ballroom entertains guests dancing gaily; a bride dips delightedly in tandem with her new husband, a good-looking super-hero of a young man, all teeth and muscles. HARRY, thirties, dark, dishevelled hair, good-looking in a gaunt, deep, intense sort of a way, bow-tie undone, smiles darkly at the proceedings and walks confidently up to a deserted bar and speaks to a smartly-dressed, middle-aged, equally dark-looking barman.

- Break up large action blocks into smaller bite sized chunks. Best when our eyes change from one action to another.

- All characters - even unnamed ones should be in CAPs when first into'd.

- Don't need unnecessary descriptions (e.g., we know a wedding is full swing from your description. Also if you add ballroom to your header - you don't need to add that in action.  

- You don't need to include stuff like speaks to when dialogue follows - the dialogue tells us that.

The above should be something like:

INT.  HOTEL EDINBURGH/BALLROOM - NIGHT

GUESTS dance

A BRIDE dips delightedly in tandem with her GROOM, good-looking, all teeth and muscles.

HARRY (30s) , dark, dishevelled hair, good-looking gaunt, bow-tie undone, smiles darkly at the proceedings as he strides towards a deserted bar manned by a smartly-dressed, BARTENDER.

Or something like that. Right now your descriptions/actions are written more novel like than script like.

Hope this helps