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7 Days in La Suerte by John Iannucci - Dramedy - A NY detective hides from his past by running a luncheonette in a small town near the Mexican border. When the bank is robbed (literally the building) he realizes his secluded oasis is not what he thought and is now faced withe the same type of choices that sent him into hiding in the first place. Once made, he awakes to find the first situation is still yoet tohappen. Armed with a new found sense of purpose his choices are now easy, including those as to his life style. 112 pages - pdf format
Hi John, First of all, congratulations on making the top 20% of the Nicholls! I hope it's the beginning of many great things for your career. I have the following feedback, I like to give it in a way that's similar to professional coverage. Please let me know if you have any comments or questions.
With its cast of characters from all walks of life, 7 Days in La Suerte has shades of the work of Martin McDonagh, The Coen Brothers and Guy Ritchie, even if it doesnít quite achieve the degree of character richness their films have. Thereís a good sense of humor that runs throughout the piece, although it often feels like it could be further explored. The writing style works very well, itís very clean and concise. The dialogue is distinctive to the characters.
The structure works for the most part, but it feels like the first act could work better in order to give the reader more of an entry point for the characters, more for them to connect with. Itís clear that Sam is a fish out of water in this town, but he doesnít really stand out as much of a character. The script seems to be more interested in the other characters instead of Sam and for large parts of the script, heís left languishing in their wake. His backstory is interesting enough for this to not be the case, but the script seems to depend too much on making this his defining trait instead of clearly defining him by action early on so we can go along on this ride with him. Also, unfortunately, the villains, especially the criminals come across as stock characters and stereotypes. The great crime movies often give us a look beyond those stereotypes but here they all behave and talk like predictable gangsters.
The script often feels as if itís going to detonate in strong conflicts and more explosive action, but it seems to stay away too much from pushing the characters and their conflicts to the limits. It often doesnít feel like it takes full advantage of its settings to do so.
Thereís potential to 7 Days in La Suerte; the premise is interesting, the settings and the situations lend themselves to good drama and humor, and the writer already has a strong ear for dialogue and a strong style. But more work could be done to push further the conflict and the characters for this to become a funnier and more enjoyable dramedy.