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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Dramedy Scripts  ›  CandyCellers
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Don
Posted: September 14th, 2018, 4:23pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
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CandyCellers by Benin Trotter - Drama, Family Drama, Gangster - Where "The Pursuit of Happyness" meets "American Gangster" in Late 70's Portland brought to life by Black female, ex-con, Harrie, ex-con who resorts to selling candy as she struggles with the system and ex, Big Dee, for custody of their son, P'nut. 118 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  November 18th, 2018, 6:09pm
revised draft
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ChrisV
Posted: September 21st, 2018, 11:26am Report to Moderator
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I'm no expert and waiting for my first script to post. I read the first six pages and noticed spelling errors. I get the dialogue uses a lot of slang, but I feel the ACTION LINES should use proper grammar/spelling. As I said, I'm no expert and still finding grammar and spelling issues even after going over my script 3-4 times.

ALSO...if you're using Amazon's free Story Writer, I've noticed after I corrected errors, I go back and the original errors reappear days later.  >

GOOD LUCK!
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eldave1
Posted: September 21st, 2018, 2:27pm Report to Moderator
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Don't do this:


Quoted Text
EXT. WOMEN’S CORRECTIONAL FACILITY - SALEM, OREGON - NIGHT
(SUMMER 197.

Douglas firs dominate a moist daisy-chain of illumination
encircling barbed security fences and rain-streaked
barracks.


Do this:

EXT. WOMEN’S CORRECTIONAL FACILITY - NIGHT

Douglas firs dominate a moist daisy-chain of illumination
encircling barbed security fences and rain-streaked
barracks.

SUPER: SALEM, OREGON - SUMMER, 1978



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Benin
Posted: November 26th, 2018, 5:36pm Report to Moderator
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Good suggestions. Made some corrections. Thank you
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eldave1
Posted: November 26th, 2018, 5:43pm Report to Moderator
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Location
Southern California
Posts
3857
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Quoted from Benin
Good suggestions. Made some corrections. Thank you


My pleasure


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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