SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 8:25am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    February, 2008 One Week Challenge  ›  The Crux of it All - OWC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    The Crux of it All - OWC  (currently 5665 views)
Don
Posted: February 23rd, 2008, 9:32am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
The Crux of it All by Mark Lyons (rc1107) - Short, Drama - An imprisoned man is given an extraordinary opportunity to bring retribution upon another inmate. - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  March 8th, 2008, 4:06pm
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
The boy who could fly
Posted: February 23rd, 2008, 11:36am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
British Columbia, Canada
Posts
1387
Posts Per Day
0.21
This one was very well written, and I thought it was an interesting idea.  I;m kind of unsure that the ex wife and lawyer would have the meeting in the actual prison cell, I think they have rooms for those, seemed kinda weird to me.  I think the dialogue between Ben and Melissa was a bit uneven, they just apologized back and forth together, I think after what Ben has learned he would be in shock for a bit, that is kind of a big whopper to be told.  I do think for the most part it flowed well and the writer here has some real talent.  The theme and genre are used well and the story moves at a good pace.

Nice job


Logged
Private Message Windows Live Messenger Reply: 1 - 24
Zombie Sean
Posted: February 23rd, 2008, 11:55am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Colorado
Posts
1547
Posts Per Day
0.23
I have to agree with Jordan about the dialogue between Melissa and Benjamin being a bit uneven. And that he should have been in more shock than he already was.

The rest of the dialogue flowed well, and your descriptions were great. I was seriously about to cringe if Benjamin actually hit Arnold in the Adam's Apple because that hurts. And I found it comical when he peed himself. That was funny. But raping a 6-year-old? Now that's messed up...


Sean
Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 24
Mr.Ripley
Posted: February 23rd, 2008, 1:02pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Writing

Location
New York
Posts
1979
Posts Per Day
0.31
Talking about a Stephen King moment. I like your mention of King's character and the turn of events after that. But I doubt that the guards and Haywood would agree to allow this trangress as they did. Probably if you put a period on when this happened, maybe it can happen such as technology wise. The guards and the type of guys such as Haywood will have their own means of exacting revenge for an inmate without getting people in trouble.

Hope this helps,
Gabe    


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 3 - 24
BPeterson
Posted: February 23rd, 2008, 4:29pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
rockford illinois
Posts
40
Posts Per Day
0.01
This one was very well written and easy to read. There were two main things that bothered me a little though. As mentioned above, the meeting between the lawyer/prisoner/ex-wife was odd especially for a maximum security prison. Also, I don't believe wardens really have any sympathy for prisoners, guilty or not. That's just an opinion though.

On the other hand though, it was entertaining and there's a nice bit of foreshadowing with the last dialogue.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 4 - 24
greg
Posted: February 23rd, 2008, 5:28pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Oh Hi

Location
San Diego, California
Posts
1680
Posts Per Day
0.24
This is the second one I've read today where it takes place during the Rumsfeld era.  I thought this was well written and I was almost able to buy it completely, but I fell kind of short.  I actually thought the dialogue between Ben and Melissa was pretty good.  Most of the dialogue I think was.  I even almost bought Haywood's reasoning for giving Ben 15 minutes with Watts, but I agree with Peterson that I don't think a warden would have much sympathy.  I know it turns out that Ben is innocent of the really bad crime he was accused of, but the whole deal of letting the wardens beat other prisoners...I just can't buy it...though Haywood's reasoning was a valiant effort.

I like how you described Watts as a "squirellish."  After all, he is a pedophile, and from what I hear, they usually do get their asses handed to them in prison regardless of the situation.  

I also liked Haywood's final line.  It was a good way to wrap the story up.  Overall it was nicely told, but the loop with the allowed beating...eh...I guess I can go either way.  Morally I guess it was right because Watts is a creep and Haywood feels empathy for Ben, and I can't say that I wouldn't allow the same in that situation, but at the same time it's very Rumsfeldian.  Good job overall.


Be excellent to each other

Revision History (1 edits)
greg  -  February 23rd, 2008, 6:46pm
Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 24
Hoody
Posted: February 23rd, 2008, 6:40pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Canada, eh.
Posts
90
Posts Per Day
0.01
As good as your writing is, I find it so hard to believe anything that happens in this for a second...and there's little changes you could of easily made to make it believable.  I think you're just trying to make things more dramatic and it completely kills the story for me.

1) Why do they have to talk in the cell?  It could of just as easily been set in the visitation room.

2) Why does the warden have to tell him where the guy is and say he'll turn his head?  I think it would be easier to believe with a guard.

So to finish this really short review off: your writing is good, but this story doesn't do it for me.


Please, read Elvis The Goat or Cold Turkey.  Thanks in advance and I'll make sure to review your script in exchange.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 24
ReaperCreeper
Posted: February 23rd, 2008, 8:41pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Wisconsin
Posts
974
Posts Per Day
0.15
This one was well-written. A little too wordy for my taste, but well-writen nonetheless.

There were a few minor inconsistencies--one, Ben would've had to be tied up and secured during the meeting no matter what. And two, the meeting wouldn't have taken place in a prison cell. No prison does that. Maybe they could've talked to him from behind the bars, but as it is here, it is completely wrong and no prison would ever allow it. Eventhough he did not do anything wrong save for the manslaughter charge inside the prison, security should still be a must. When this is all over and if you choose to rewrite this outside of the OWC rules, you might want to have this take place in the Visits room with Ben cuffed against a chair.

Ben's dialogue as well as the lawyer's was spot on, but I think Melissa's needed some work. I felt like some of it would not sound well when said out loud.

About Haywood, I liked him. But I think he was only there to push the plot forward. I saw him as a drone other than a character, you know? He was well-written and his dialogue was good, but I felt he was otherwise a blank slate. But you can only do so much with twelve pages so I'll cut you some slack.

Possible goof with Arnold--When you first introduce him, you say he's hand and ankle-bound; but I don't recall you saying he was gagged too until Ben removed it. It just popped outta nowhere. You might wanna check on that.

The whole hitting-someone's-Adam's-apple-with-a-baton-thing made me so quasy it's not even funny.lol.But that's a good thing. Don't worry.

The way Ben was allowed to beat the crap out of Arnold by Haywood was dirty. Arnold was scum-bag rapist, so I didn't lose any sleep over it. It did, however, made me lose some liking for Ben and Haywood.

I would've liked more closure with Melissa.

That's pretty much it. I thank yuou for an entertaining read!

--Julio    
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 24
chism
Posted: February 23rd, 2008, 9:02pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
1053
Posts Per Day
0.16
This was an interesting read. Most of the problems come from sections of the script being a little too wordy. Characters talk for too long after they've already made their point, or take too long in getting to their point. The script can be made a lot shorter by trimming the dialogue down, because there's a lot of unnecessary words in there. The same can be said of the descriptions, they're a little longer than needed. Go through the script and trim the fat, it'll be a big improvment.

The scenes with Melissa were pretty nice. Some of the dialogue was kind of corny, but in an emotionally intense situation like the one they're in, that's pretty much unavoidable. It was certainly dramatic, so it fit the genre very well.

The only other complaint I would have is that I think a better job could be done of setting up the scenario with Watts. I like the idea of the scene and you did a pretty good job with the encounter itself, but Haywood just letting Ben stroll in there just because he can imagine it being his own daughter was pretty flimsy. Haywood being paid off would've been a lot easier to swollow. Money is an extremely powerful motivator.

Other than that, I liked this script. Fit the genre and theme very well and it flowed very nicely. Congrats.


Matt.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 8 - 24
mcornetto
Posted: February 23rd, 2008, 9:58pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



This one took the genre/theme seriously.   You did a very good job with it and any comments I could come up with would be merely nits.   Though personally this wasn't my cup of tea, I give you the first GREENLIGHT.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 9 - 24
BryMo
Posted: February 23rd, 2008, 9:59pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Orlando
Posts
212
Posts Per Day
0.03

Your story flows and is easy to read. But I didn’t really like anything else. The story for me personally seemed like a mellow drama. I think a strong reason is the dialogue, its good but you sort take a while to make a point. Maybe even once you get a point you just seem to take it too far going in to detail.  I say trim things and kee it short.


Shorts:
Good Golly Miss Molly
No Place Like Home
New Moon Rising
Yuno - BRAND-*SPANKIN*-NEW!
The Ballad of Uncle Sam: An Anarchists Melody
Toy Soldier
This Modern Love
A Virgin State of Mind

A GUIDE TO MY LITERARY BABIES
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 24
pwhitcroft
Posted: February 23rd, 2008, 10:58pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
157
Posts Per Day
0.03
In reading this one I was distracted straight away by the “Flourescent lights
luminate off of the limestone floor from the ceiling” line at the beginning. Where would lights be other than the ceiling and don’t they luminate by definition? May be I’m being fussy but that line is odd.

Why would a lawyer be hanging around in a cell waiting for a prisoner and then a visitor arrives as well. I suspect you forced the venue and the time line to stay at the prison cells just for the challenge but actually it would work better with other locations and time between the events.

The idea is not bad and the dramatic scene at the end works but overall this is forced and a little contrived.

Philip


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 24
stebrown
Posted: February 24th, 2008, 7:39am Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Newcastle, England
Posts
881
Posts Per Day
0.15
H, this one is probably my favourite so far. Fits the criteria perfectly and you couldn't have put anymore drama into it.
Haven't got anything critical to say at all. I'd say the front runner for the win from this batch.


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 12 - 24
cybercelt
Posted: February 24th, 2008, 10:00am Report to Moderator
New



Posts
21
Posts Per Day
0.00
Well written and presented. The only flaw is the logic. Some of those can be accepted given the "one room" stage play setting required. Given the time to research the subject to remove the problems mentioned by others here, the authors style and voice show a lot of potential.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 24
Old Time Wesley
Posted: February 24th, 2008, 2:37pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Location
Ontario, Canada
Posts
2908
Posts Per Day
0.38
As far as I'm concerned films always defy logic. Especially prison films. The show Oz had a lot of things that you may call unbelievable but at the end of the day people watched it as entertainment and weren't trying to compare it to real life.

I enjoyed this short because it has a main character who isn't just out for revenge and has bigger goals in life than killing the ones who did him wrong.

The idea is played out. Seems to use all the same elements as the story goes and has nothing to make it stand out other than good writing.

The short works as a short and is a good read.


Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 24
sniper
Posted: February 24th, 2008, 3:46pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


My UZI Weighs A Ton

Location
Northern Hemisphere
Posts
2249
Posts Per Day
0.48
I really liked the angle here, a good story about choices (thinking with your head instead of your heart - how ever much dissatisfying it may be). The ex-wife scence got a little too mushy for me though, in fact, I would lose that scene altogether and focus on Ben's emotions about his duaghter and her killer.

A couple of things rubbed me the wrong way:

1) The scene with the Warden seems unbelievable. If he really is a by-the-book kinda guy it seems out of place that he would offer that chance to Ben. Also, why would the Warden, personally, feel sorry for Ben's wrongful conviction. I mean, he just did his job - he was sent a convicted felon and acted accordingly. I can understand if the DA would feel sorry though.

2) If you're wrongfully convicted - and kills a fellow inmate while incarcerated (in self-defense) - I think a DA would have a very tough time keeping him locked up another second. I mean once Ben's story reached 60 Minutes he would have been out of there - and let's not forget the massive lawsuit he would file against the state.

To who ever wrote this, if you haven't already, I suggest you watch "True Believer" with James Woods and Robert Downey Jr. While it's not a prison film per se, it involves a similar situation.

Cheers
Rob


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
Logged
Private Message Reply: 15 - 24
Dr. McPhearson
Posted: February 25th, 2008, 2:40pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
76
Posts Per Day
0.01

Quoted from Hoody
As good as your writing is, I find it so hard to believe anything that happens in this for a second...and there's little changes you could of easily made to make it believable.  I think you're just trying to make things more dramatic and it completely kills the story for me.

1) Why do they have to talk in the cell?  It could of just as easily been set in the visitation room.

2) Why does the warden have to tell him where the guy is and say he'll turn his head?  I think it would be easier to believe with a guard.

So to finish this really short review off: your writing is good, but this story doesn't do it for me.


I'm with Hoody on this one. None of this really seemed very realistic to me, at least in terms of the logistics.

As so many others have brought up, the idea of meeting with his lawyer and wife inside of a prison cell sounds less like a nice stage-setting, and more as if you were simply trying to stick with the OWC's preferences. Also, despite the fact that Melissa's dialogue tells us that she was a witness against him so many years ago, I felt her role in the "crux" of this really wasn't necessary.

Also, as Sniper mentioned earlier, this warden is said to be by-the-book. Even if he had sympathy for Ben's situation, I doubt he would allow to let happen what did. Instead, consider this possibility:

Perhaps the warden briefs Ben with his condolences and his situation, and then asks the guard to transfer Ben to his new minimum-security cell. However, taking the situation into his own hands, Moretti takes Ben to Arnold's cell and explains the real situation to Ben. Something like:

BENJAMIN
(re: Arnold)
Who is - ?

MORETTI
You want vengeance, here's your chance. They brought him in this morning.


Wow. Okay. So, maybe the dialogue could be better, but I hope you see what direction I'm headed in. Instead of Haywood granting Ben this ten-minute privelege, Moretti could fill that slot in the plot, and I feel it would make it a tad bit more fluent and believable. Just a thought.

I did, however, like the chronology of the storyline, in which everyone asks for Ben's forgiveness and mercy, and then him showing his daughter's killer that very thing in the conclusion. He realizes that beating this man won't bring her back, and instead trades vengeance for mourning. That's very bold of him... honestly, I don't know of anyone who wouldn't choose the former.

Nice descriptions though. Consider this: many screenwriters I have read (and spoken with) say that commas are a nice replacement for conjunctions. For example, with your description "Bragg stands and helps Benjamin to his feet," they would probably say "Bragg stands, helps Benjamin to his feet." Not much of a difference on first glance, but according to them, the second technique is a tad more aesthetically pleasing. At least, that's what they tell me.  

The title doesn't exactly intrigue me personally, much in the style of You Can Count on Me. Even knowing that its a synonym for "heart" or "core," I still find "crux" to be an awkward word to use in a title. Maybe I'm alone, and that's perfectly fine.

In conclusion, though I think this script (as is) breaks a few walls of reality, it stands within the boundaries of the OWC. Good luck.






PLEASE review my first SimplyScripts submission....

Re-Right (short comedy)
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 16 - 24
Abe from LA
Posted: February 27th, 2008, 3:03pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Downey, California
Posts
556
Posts Per Day
0.08
OK, i think many of us will be guilty of pushing logic to the edge or beyond in this OWC.
Yes, much of what have been said about this story is true.
I especially agree that the Warden seems highly unlikely to be a part of this revenge tale.

Would a pedophile even be imprisoned in the same facility as the father a victim?  Hmmm...

I also agree that the dialogue between Melissa and Benjamin ran long and had too many"I'm sorrys."
There should be more of an edge to the conversation and it could be way briefer.
But I do like the course of action Benjamin takes.  I just wish I could have seen the revelation or point in which he realized that he couldn't kill Watts.  I think you cut away from that action to preserve the twist ending.
If you rewrite this from another angle  (shorten the wife scene and dispense with the Warden part), you'll have more time to explore Benjamin's story.  Maybe he and the guard Moretti have an understanding.  It should be Moretti who gives Watts the opportunity for revenge.

I just finished another OWC with a similar revenge theme, but that story was set in a more obscure, futuristic, Matrix-type setting with the powers that be very unconventional.  Your story is set in today's society, so you can't get away with things like having a "middle-aged warden" being chummy with a convict and bending/breaking the law.  That is too hard to swallow.
So, while the story line needs tweaking, I know where you're going and that isn't a bad thing.  Nice effort!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 17 - 24
Zack
Posted: February 27th, 2008, 3:16pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Erlanger, KY
Posts
4487
Posts Per Day
0.69
I really like the writing style, but for me the story fell flat.

It was just too unbelievable. C'mon, the warden is part of it? Not likely.

There have been numerous posts telling you about the story flaws, so I won't bother there.

As for the writting, it's very good. The descriptions are sharp and the entire thing is well formated. Some of the dialohue was a bit rough.

Overall, I really don't know what to say. I kinda enjoyed it, but I also didn't. This on'es on the fence for me.

I'll give it a C

~Zack~
Logged
Private Message Reply: 18 - 24
Blakkwolfe
Posted: March 5th, 2008, 11:02pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Florida, USA
Posts
706
Posts Per Day
0.12
Good. I liked that Benjamin decided to take the high road and value freedom more than vengeance for a change...Thought that Adam's Apple was gonna get smashed, but the fact it didn't provided a better twist. The dialogue was ok, though a little soap opera...Might suggest showing some of the action instead of just talking about it.  
At least the part where he was fighting to help another inmate-that's a good, visual side of his character.

Descriptions were OK, although usually lawyers don't meet in the cells; however most of the other prison culture seemed accurate enough., although I'm not sure that the prison officials would have given him the opportunity to face Watts.


Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 19 - 24
James R
Posted: March 6th, 2008, 11:45am Report to Moderator
New


Supper time!

Location
Arizona
Posts
219
Posts Per Day
0.04
I really liked this one. Great characters and powerful emotion. I can't say much about technical issues surrounding prisons and visitations. And though the warden allowing someone to exact revenge by turning his head for a few moments has been done to death in this OWC, this one is the best of the lot.

There has been mention of the Melissa character and her dialogue. I think this character served a purpose (getting us to root for Ben) but could have been cut out entirely and the story would not have changed.

And I didn't get the line that Braggs said about the sheets?

A little wordy, but a very good script. A front-runner for me. Nice work.

James


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 20 - 24
d.e. jett
Posted: December 15th, 2008, 8:27pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Virginia
Posts
20
Posts Per Day
0.00
I know I'm coming late to the party on this one but I wanted to return feedback, so here goes,

I think you have a real knack for painting a picture in your readers minds. Your descriptions are spot on and in my opinion move the story forward. I don't feel that the descriptions are too wordy for me at all - if anything I would cut back some of the dialouge that TELLS your readers whats going on and try to describe that same information instead.

I think people over-analyzed this one a bit. For instance, back to what I was getting at before with not telling so much in your dialouge and describing more - Whose to say it's unbelievable for the Warden to allow a murder to occur under his watch. In fact just this last year in PG County a cop killer was mysteriously found murdered in his Jail Cell no more than 24 hours after running over a police officer in a stolen vehicle. This stuff happens!

Maybe the Warden HAS a six year old daughter of his own and can relate. I don't think you neccessarilly had to have the Warden explain his personal motivations. You could have just as easily shown a quick shot of him touching a family photo on his desk or something just as an example and later on have him give the go ahead by shutting off the camera system to the jail or something along those lines.

Anyways, goodluck. Hope to see some more work soon!


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 21 - 24
rc1107
Posted: December 16th, 2008, 10:36am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Youngstown
Posts
1241
Posts Per Day
0.20
Hey D.E. Jett.

Wow.  It's been awhile since I've been back on Simply Scripts and I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond to this thread.

Thank you, D.E., for the compliments on the descriptions.  I don't know if you know how good that statement actually made me feel, but it feels real good.

While the scene about the lawyer visiting Benjamin may have been a little embellished, the rest of it is based on a true story that actually happened.

A father was accused of raping and murdering his daughter and was serving his sentence.  Years later, the true perpetrator did confess to the crime and the warden let the father go, in spite of a crime he did commit while incarcerated.

I find it funny that the result my story took, that the father had to finish serving his time for the crime incarcerated was too far-fetched for most people to believe, when in real life, the warden let him go Scott-free.  It makes me wonder what I can actually get away with.

However, this was an OWC and I'm very glad for people's true responses to this story.  The lawyer visiting him in the cell was very far-fetched, so I do know I have to change that.  (I lose one of my favorite lines about cum-stained sheets, though).  Oh well... Like I heard Bert say once...  "Sometimes you have to kill your babies."*

- Mark

*  -  That line will stick with me forever, Bert.


Logged
Private Message YIM Reply: 22 - 24
Craiger6
Posted: August 14th, 2010, 4:40pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Staten Island, New York
Posts
239
Posts Per Day
0.05
Hey Mark,

Thanks again for the read on "Flashes".  I figured I would return the favor and this title jumped out at me from your signature line.

I've not read all of the comments in depth, but I see that this was a OWC, and taking that into consideration, I think you did a terrific job.  In fact, even if it wasn't a OWC, I still would have really enjoyed this.

I see that a number of reviewers touched on the believability factor.  I can see where they are coming from, but at the same time, I didn't get to bogged down in this.  Before the reveal, I was thinking to myself, "they would never allow a woman on a cell block unescorted", but after the reveal, I was fine with that.

My "believability" gripe had more to do with the extra 5 years he would have to do as a result of the fight he got into.  I know you touched on it briefly when the Warden said that the DA was being a prick, but I'm not sure any DA in America, including Texas, could be that much of a prick.  

Still, I think you used that to your advantage, and by the end I really found myself feeling for this guy.

As far as the dialouge betweeen Archer and Melissa, I think I might tend to agree with some of the other reviwers in that I found it a bit stilted.  Then again, I guess it probably would be after all that they had gone through.  Still, I think I would have liked to see you take this another direction.  Have Archer tell her to "fuck off".  I mean, she never believed him and married again, wouldn't he be in the right to be pissed.  Plus, this would add more suspense to the scene with the "torture" scene.

I liked the Warden and Guard's sense of vigilante justice.  Maybe not in real life, but its fine for a script.

Anyway, I enjoyed this Mark, and thought it was a very nice effort.  I look forward to reading more.

Craig


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 23 - 24
rc1107
Posted: August 18th, 2010, 10:47am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Youngstown
Posts
1241
Posts Per Day
0.20
Hey Craig,

Thanks for taking a look at this one.

Yeah, it was written as a One Week Challenge, and I wish I would've had a lot more time to clean it up and get rid of all that doesn't make sense, but thanks for saying that you would've enjoyed it even if it wasn't an OWC.

It's been awhile since I've been on these boards, (and, while I was gone, unfortunately I had to spend a little bit of time in the prison system.  Not too long, though.)  During that time away, I've worked a lot on some short stories, and turned this one into a short story, brushing up a little bit that was farfetched and what not.  But after being in the system for awhile, I was surprised to find out that this wasn't very far off.  The warden probably wouldn't show up himself under that position, but you'd be surprised at how much people turn their heads in prisons and jails.  (There's probably more drugs in prison then there are on the street.)

I'm thinking about going back to the script and basing it more on the short story I wrote, but that won't be for awhile as I've got so many other projects going right now.

Thank you very much for taking a look at this and telling me what you honestly think about it.  I'm definately interested in taking a look at some of your other stuff, too.  Just give me a little bit of time on that, though.  I've been using my library's internet so I can only get on during their hours, but I should have my own in the next week or two.

Thanks again, Craig.

- Mark


Logged
Private Message YIM Reply: 24 - 24
 Pages: 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    February, 2008 One Week Challenge  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006