The Dark by Steve McDonell (stevie) - Short, Fantasy - A mysterious warning drives a man to the brink of insanity... - pdf, format

Exceptionally uninspired title, and while there is a time for SS-inspired scripts, I do not think this is that time.

Some of the humor is amusing, in an absurd sort of way, more skit-like than true horror -- but then descends into raunchiness that I found less funny.  I mean, a magic wand from his ass?  Come on.

I felt like you were not really trying to produce a serious entry, and there will be a lot of entries, so I am kind of disappointed for the first one I read.

This one earns a D.

Bit of a misfire for me, this one.

I commend you for putting the available props in there, but they seemed to come up almost at random and the story was built around them in a rather haphazard fashion.

Seemed more like a comedy than a fantasy to me as well, and didn't really fit the mood of what the challenge was about.

Hello A,

Initially, I thought I'd disagree with the comments of bert and decadence, two reviewers I tend to agree with, but then the script sort of took a wrong turn. To be honest, it just meandered along without any sense of cohesion after a bright start. IMO, you chose the easy way out with the ending.

The one clear thing is that you can write, but it felt like you didn't really give too much to this - almost as if you lost your way with it and though "f**k it". Some amusing moments, though.

Andrew

I thought this was a fun read. It's obvious the author didn't take it too seriously and niether did I.

I enjoyed the haphazzard, tacked together feel of the script. Given the story, itself, it's fitting. And the random use of availble props was a hoot.

Given that most of these scripts will have a dark tone -- which at some point, for me, anyway, is going to get tedious, a little levity here and there isn't a bad thing.  

THE DARK

A tongue-in-cheek parody of the limited number of props available from Moviestorm.

Felt way too forced as the story went along to check off each prop even the BADGEM WALLET. It might have been interesting if many of the props had actually been used rather than just mentioned in dialogue.

Very creative as an idea (I did chuckle once or twice) but needs better execution.

GARY

EDIT: Maybe if it had been done as a treasure hunt?

Not a lot here, really. I smiled a couple of times, but it wasn't funny enough to make it a worthwhile parody. I agree with Gary; your execution let you down.

In every OWC there are a handful of entries that clearly haven't taken it seriously - this is one of those. And, like I say, this just isn't funny enough to be worth it.

"Theme: The Dark -  A complete story that sheds light into the darkest reaches of the mind, into deepest shadows of the imagination and into the blackest void at the end of the universe.

Genre: horror, supernatural thriller, fantasy, or science fiction"

That was the assignment. You totally missed that.

Other than that though, I thought it was okay. Quick read with amusing parts and a clever idea. I was a bit annoyed however at the capitalizations of the props in the dialogue.

Not so sure I liked how you portrayed Cornetto though. I've never heard him use that word before, but I enjoyed that he was the director.

Hmmm.

This one seemed lazy to me.  Actually, the idea with the beggar and Darcy basically being the end to himself is pretty well thought out.  But those two concepts are drowned out in a series of silly randomness.  A nice effort with trying to get all the props in here, but it just seemed over the top and unnecessary.  By the end when Darcy's "ending" was revealed, it felt like you just gave up.  

As I said, there's some good skeletal stuff in here and some of the humor was amusing, but this missed the mark for me.  Sorry.

Greg

What the hell? Is this a comedy? I'm really confused and don't know what to make of this script. Some of dialog is flat out HORRIBLE. Unless you meant for it to be bad, maybe you were trying to be funny, but that's also a problem. Comedy isn't the genre for this OWC.

Some of the stuff that happened was just random. Like when Leila pulled out a knife and started carving wood mid-sentence. WTF?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Wow. I think I like this script after reading Leila's comments about her pussy and pubic hair. Just... WOW. Hilarious.

A christmas party in April!? My God. Whoever wrote this thing must have been completely baked out of their mind.

This is the most random script I've read. And it's fucking hilarious. Really golden stuff. I really hope you are trying to be funny or I'm gonna feel bad. Too bad the OWC genre isn't Comedy, or this script would be hugely successful.

5/10

~Zack~

Someone' having a little fun here. I'd take a guess, but it's too early. I gotta admit, i laughed out loud a couple of times. It's as if you wrote a story around prop placement. Fun watching them all pop up one by one.

Definitely missed the Challenge criteria, entertaining nonetheless.

James

This is terrible, IMO!  Utter waste of time.

Using the word "arse", kind of points a finger at the author.

I don't see any reason to even say anything else here.  This kind of shit shouldn't even be posted, as it takes away from other serious efforts.

I wish I could pull a wand out of my arse and make this disappear.

This seemed like a case of a writer trying to be too clever for his own good.  It wasn't so much a story as it was an exercise in checking off every possible moviestorm prop.  There was just no coherence at all.  And, it didn't conform to the parameters of the challenge at all.  Even the title is a throwaway.   So, I'm afraid this one didn't work for me.

Damn! Why didn't I think of doing this?
This is obviously a huge pisstake of the challenge, which some of the above reviewers haven't twigged at.
There's some good lines in here, though Leila's constant 'remember' gets a bit grating after awhile.
Maybe the author should've indicated it was a comedy? I seem to recall one like this in a previous OWC, could've been Shelton?

On another note, i didn't think the scripts were being posted till Sunday US time? Good job Don!

Oh boy, I actually laughed out loud for your creativity. You actually put in all of the available props in the script!

I think we all knew who wrote this, and I'm sure the writer is just screwing around with us, as this script doesn't fit the theme at all. Even the writer knows the story doesn't go anyway. Seems like he put down the first thing that comes to his mind.

Nothing much that I can add to the story or characters.