Kinda funny, I wrote a script called Shamrock and changed the title at the last minute.  I'm glad I did.  As for the story, I can somewhat understand where the Author was coming from...I mean who hasn't screamed at God at one time or another?  

Personally I would've added a twist like maybe when he pulls the trigger the gun misfires. I.E. God getting the last word...as he always does.  

Nice effort.

P.S. - My only question is what part of "8 to 12 pages" didn't you get?

If the minimum page length is 8 pages, why was this accepted?

For what its worth, this has potential. The writer does an ok job of showing the guys's torment and dark side.

It might be only four pages but it works for me.  It's dark fits the challenge and I liked it.

I believe this is one of those extra entries.

It would of been nice to read more.  I think a flashback would be fitting.  The moment he talked about that killing a flashback would add to the darkness.

Good luck in the OWC.

Didn't work for me. not gonna harp on it too much, there's already been plenty of that. I just don't think the writer was trying for a serious entry here.

James

Too the writer...

Yes, I know their were some constraints to this challenge but to be honest, your only limited as your imagination.  In this piece, you could have done so much more with it.  Four pages more atleast to salvage something.

This really wasn't a story IMO. Dialogue will only carry a script so far.  Havind said that...

congrats on attempting the OWC.

Ghostwriter

So is he talking to the picture? Honetly, I think I know what you're going for here, and sometimes a monologue show works, but this one just isn't visual enough. It's all talk and some dude crawling around a room. The logline establishes the conflict as this priest having killed someone and then struggling with whether or not to take his life. The script shows that he's already decided and he's just milling around before he does it. The logline gives a great potential for conflict, and I was actually looking forward to it. The final product was a bit of a disappointment.

Work on more of a story. It can still be a one man show, but you've got to give us more visuals and more conflict so that it is interesting. We have to feel the struggle he feels. We have to really wonder whether he will do it or not. We have to think that maybe he won't before he goes through with it. That's what this really, really lacks. Best of luck.

I agree with George. I think we should wonder if he is going to kill himself. Give us some hope that he might not. Maybe have him look at other pictures, childhood photos??? and have him cry, too. ??? I don't know... Just thinking...

I thought it was very good for how short it was, and I think I may know who wrote this one, too. And with that being said, I am left to wonder if it was written for two reasons. One for the challenge, and the other for a five page or less contest.

Yet for one week, I think it was really good.

Cindy

An agonizing soliloquy for a decadent character. I couldn't feel much for the guy. There was dark, although it didn't explore the visual spectrum like it could have with flashbacks or dissolves. Glad to see the guy go. Too bad it was so confined to the monologue.

I didn't care much for the first one and a half pages but Sham's dialogue in the last half just about saved this for me. Loved the line about God's throat.

That being said, more has to be added here. Flashbacks, something so we're not watching a guy talking to himself in a room the whole time. This could be very good if you can find ways to add more scenes around what you already have.

Nice effort!

Brian

Interesting concept but poor execution. You tell too much. And it's really short. I like the insantiy angle but it needs more development.  

Gabe

Thanks for the reads. This script went through many iterations. Originally it was a zombie / virus story. That, though, given all the action involved, wouldn't work with Moviestorm. Eventually, I tried to make it as simple as possible -- one character, one location.

A few reviewers complained about the low page count, even asking me what I "didn't get about it." I got it. I, too, was concerned. I spoke with Mcornetto about it and he encourged me to submit it anyway.

Bert, who I have bunches of respect for, wrote  "Not too long, and I like entries that do not try to fill the full 12 pages simply because they are there to fill."

What gets me, though, is that few complained about scripts that were written without any regard to the challenge itself. No one complained if an action sequence was incompatible with Moviestorm.

Still, I understand that this story failed becuase it wasn't a complete story. It wasn't well told. I stepped outside of myself and tried to do something I normally wouldn't. But, hey, that's what One Week Challenges are about.

Next time you can bet I'll submit somthing more conventional.