Ass Rhino? Ouch!

Hey Greg,

I was just going down the list of all your work you posted here on SS, and how am I not supposed to read 'The Ass Spider' next?  You do have a lot of log lines that I find very interesting, though, so I'll be checking out 'Addiction' and a couple others very soon.  Not to mention 'The Scorcese Club'.

All right, Ass Spider.  What the hell, dude?  Did you really have to say it was about the size of a hamburger?  I was seriously going to Steak & Shake for lunch in about an hour for a guacamole burger.  :-)  Luckily, I have a strong stomach and you'll have to do a lot worse than that to put me off my appetite.

I know you weren't going for it, but I honestly thought this was pretty funny.  Both in the dialogue and the descriptions, honestly.  Yeah, the descriptions were disgusting (I'm a big fan of disgusting, by the way), but at the same time, comparing it to a hamburger made me giggle.

LOL.  I do have one question, though that I can't for the life of me figure out.  What was the theme of the OWC this was written for?

Quoted from Dr. Cucamonga You know when your stomach growls and you feel vibrations going throughout your body? That’s it. You know how when you get a sharp pain in your stomach when you haven’t eaten anything? That’s it, biting and eating your tissue. You know how sometimes you see funky colors in your stool? That’s it, the results of its little pincers poking and prodding at your insides.You know those skidmarks you might get on your underwear? That’s it just saying hello.

I love stories that try to explain how things were created or evolved, so I found this bit of dialogue interesting.  More funny than interesting actually, but I thought it was creative nonetheless.

I think you would've nailed the ending if Zag was forced to nail Dr. Cucamonga to help him live.  As it is now, that's really the only disappointing part of the story for me.  True, the coffee sign explains why the ass spiders come out of hiding, but I'm sure you could've worked that way in somehow, too.

So, eventhough you weren't going for it, I still thought it was pretty funny and entertaining.  I still can't think what the theme could've been, though.

- Mark

Oh jeez, it's resurfaced ha-ha.

Thanks for the read, Mark.  This was "The Dark" theme that you see Cornetto's videos for.  The criteria was for the script to be simple enough to animate, horror/sci-fi/thriller genre category with dark undertones.  It fits those parameters but, yeah, it is kinda funny.  Since there were 40+ submissions I wanted to get mine to stand out.

Thanks again for the read!

Greg

Hey Greg -

....ah, okay.  Next time I see a log line that says "don't read this one", I'll take it seriously.   Really seriously.  ))

That said, the writing was pretty clean, so I'll give you that one.

If you *were* to rewrite this, I'd suggest making Dr. Cucamonga more of a serious character - like a dead-pan riff on the scientists you see in 50s B movies.  It'd play well against the over the top comedy factor.  And actually  - make the Starbucks explanation stand out a little more?  I honestly didn't get it until I went back and read RC's review...

I promise to read at least one more of yours, for comparison.  I'm sure this one ain't exactly representative...  

Janet,

The arachnid that keeps giving.  Thanks for your read and review.  This script was mostly marketing as I wanted it to stand out from the 40 or so other entries.  Needless to say that if I'm putting together a portfolio this one would most likely not make it.  

I did flesh it out into a more "serious" short where Cucamonga is a legit doctor and the potty talk is reduced.  But I lost interest with it and haven't posted it.

Thanks again for the read.

Greg