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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    Scarefest Script Club  ›  Discuss Your SSC2WC Script Moderators: Zack
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Zack
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 9:30am Report to Moderator
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Talk about what you are writing. Anything you are struggling with? We are all here to help one another.

~Zack~
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Steven
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 9:33am Report to Moderator
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My story follows Patrick Bateman after the events of American Psycho. He tells his buddies from Pierce & Pierce about his new diet, and offers to cook for them.

I wanted to really nail Patrick's voice, since it's pretty unique, and I think I did a good job. I'm eagerly awaiting feedback.
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CameronD
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 9:33am Report to Moderator
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I gave mine the once over yesterday. Trimmed it to 15 pages exact, ran my spellcheck, tightened dialogue a little.

For an idea I've had for awhile I'm pretty pleased. My story is very much in line with the 80's horror movies I used to watch as a kid, Jason, Freddy, Myers etc. I'm just worried it might be too cliche. But then again, what horror film isn't drowning in them? It's all about execution.

I must say, for a genre I really dislike, (horror movies do little for me) it was quite fun to write.


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Steven
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 9:38am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from CameronD
I gave mine the once over yesterday. Trimmed it to 15 pages exact, ran my spellcheck, tightened dialogue a little.

For an idea I've had for awhile I'm pretty pleased. My story is very much in line with the 80's horror movies I used to watch as a kid, Jason, Freddy, Myers etc. I'm just worried it might be too cliche. But then again, what horror film isn't drowning in them? It's all about execution.

I must say, for a genre I really dislike, (horror movies do little for me) it was quite fun to write.


I grew up watching horror, still watch a ton of it, but never wanted to write in the genre for whatever reason. Even though I took from an existing universe, it was still fun to write a couple of gross scenes.
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Zack
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 10:57am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from CameronD


For an idea I've had for awhile I'm pretty pleased. My story is very much in line with the 80's horror movies I used to watch as a kid, Jason, Freddy, Myers etc.


Right up my alley.  

~Zack~
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 1:01pm Report to Moderator
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I've written an entire page but I don't like it ;-(

I'm a little short of time as I'm writing a feature for hire, but will have some time on a train tomorrow, so we will see if anything happens...

I do like my idea, just struggling to find my way into it!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Zack
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 1:03pm Report to Moderator
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What don't you like about it?

~Zack~
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Dreamscale
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 1:55pm Report to Moderator
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Doesn't look like I'm going to be entering, after all.  My pisser classic needs too much time and research to get it all right, and I doubt anyone will really appreciate it anyways.

If I was going to go for an actual script, it would have most likely just been the opening scene to something I never started, other than basically completely writing it in my head many years ago - as in, not a single word ever made it to the page, even though I spent a ton of time researching and pre-writing.

I'll read and review, though.

Sorry, guys.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 2:00pm Report to Moderator
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The opening scene is too bland... needs a stronger hook...


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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DanC
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 2:34pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Steven
My story follows Patrick Bateman after the events of American Psycho. He tells his buddies from Pierce & Pierce about his new diet, and offers to cook for them.

I wanted to really nail Patrick's voice, since it's pretty unique, and I think I did a good job. I'm eagerly awaiting feedback.


I hope that you keep in mind to write it from the perspective that someone isn't familiar with the story/characters etc.

That's a sure-fire way to lose an audience.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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DanC
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 2:51pm Report to Moderator
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Killing villains since 1980!

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I'm a child of the 80s too.  Hey, how old are you guys?  I am 51.  So, the 80s were my heyday.

Actually, the idea for this short, and the feature was born out of one of those stories.  

If you guys who are too young or  don't know, there was a plethora of copycat stories in the 80s.  You have a hit with the Howling, suddenly, you have 10 other werewolf stories.  Same with Vampires and Zombies.

I got bored with the "Oh my God, how do we kill a vampire/werewolf/zombie" line.  We all know those rules (only if the zombie can be killed, some, like in Return of the Living Dead, were basically immortal).  So, I had an idea.  Write a story about a supernatural creature not often showed on TV.  

I also was heavily into Dungeons and Dragons.  I just loved that game.  And, if I ever sell anything, it will be due to that game.  I first got interested in writing because I was forced into being the DM (creator of the adventure).  

So, I knew of the Rakshasa.  I had used it in an adventure to great success.  They are awesome villains.  

You know, I wish I had read some comments to my problem before I wrote the story.  I love the idea of having a prelude to the movie.  15 min to show what happens that leads everyone to where it ends.  I would have focused in on the terror that small community had in dealing with it.  And how that ends is where the movie would pick up.  If this bombs, I might consider altering the story to that concept.

The feature-length has a lot more paranoia in it.

For those who don't know, a Rakshasa is a supernatural creature that dines on human flesh.  It can consume an adult body in mere seconds.  But, that isn't the worst part.  The worst part is the powers it possesses.

I had this great line about human fingers being much tastier than chicken fingers, but, I had to cut it.  Pity.

It can read minds.  It can use magic.  It can morph into any shape it wants to.  So, a favorite tactic of it this:

It sees you walking down the street, alone.  It reads your mind, finds out that you are really close friends with Brad.  It shape changes into Brad, but, only as far as you "know" Brad's physical characteristics.  In other words, if you think Brad is right-handed, but he's left-handed, unless the creature has consumed or seen Brad, it won't know what hand Brad is, see that you see Brad as right-handed, instead of his true left-handedness, and it will use its right hand when it is disguised as Brad.  I use that in the movie version.  

So, it approaches you as Brad, can talk to you, knowing what you know, it can "guess" to Brad's responses, get you to relax, go someplace private (for a conversation) and BAM! it kills you.  

It's got superhuman strength, reflexes, speed, oh, and its fangs and claws have a poison that is quite painful and fatal.  

And I forgot the best part.

Ask like the 2 thugs in Tangled.

"What's the best part?"

It only can be killed in ONE WAY.  Although it does recoil to any religious object, it only has one weakness.  Oh, I'm not giving that up.

Oh, and I forgot one other thing.  Anyone know what Enmity is?  I always found the concept of immortal beings that hate each other so much that it rises from the level of hatred to that of pure enmity.  And the Rakshasa had declared enmity on Fred, the story's protag.  

So, in the words of Kolchak, the Night Stalker, if you see an old friend you haven't seen for ages, is it really your old friend?

Sleep tight, kiddies.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan

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DanC  -  February 21st, 2017, 3:04pm
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Zack
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 3:03pm Report to Moderator
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Sounds great Dan. I've heard of that creature before and it sounds very creepy. Can't wait to see what you do with it. And I could see how paranoia could play a big part in your story.

BTW I was born in 89, so I guess that makes me a 90's child. Still prefer 80's movies and music though!

~Zack~
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DanC
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 3:08pm Report to Moderator
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Killing villains since 1980!

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Quoted from Zack
Sounds great Dan. I've heard of that creature before and it sounds very creepy. Can't wait to see what you do with it. And I could see how paranoia could play a big part in your story.

BTW I was born in 89, so I guess that makes me a 90's child. Still prefer 80's movies and music though!

~Zack~


That's cool Zack.  What are some of your fav movies and music from the 80s?  And I agree, the 80s were much better than the 90s.  

Thanks for the kind words.  Hopefully, you like what I did with the story.

If it does bomb out here, would I be permitted in the rewrite to do what a few had suggested, have a prelude?  Or do I have to stick with the current version?

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Zack
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 3:16pm Report to Moderator
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I love the early Friday the 13th films, The Prowler, The Thing, Hell Night, Predator, the list goes on and on. As for music, I love me some Motley Crue and Dio.

And yes, you can rewrite your script all you would like.

~Zack~
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CameronD
Posted: February 21st, 2017, 3:45pm Report to Moderator
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That is a good idea to use a Rakshasa. I'm vaguely familiar with it. Aren't they kinda lion or tiger faced?


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