I'm wondering if the "DING-FLASH!" bothered anyone else as they read this...
I like the idea of using a "DING-FLASH" but using it so much takes the special-ness of it away. It could've been a technique to take the story to another level yet in a way it holds it back.

I'm thinking about this...if made into a film, would it be a good one? The dialogue reads a bit too mechanical with little to no emotion. I would suggest reading it out loud when you're finished to make sure it sounds natural.

Now, trying to ignore those "DING-FLASHes" I can see good pace and flow. I would suggest editing out the supermarket scene though. It isn't needed in my opinion but It's your choice.

Good luck with your writing!

-Bryan

I feel like I'm just missing the whole point to this one. The logline allowed me to know a bit, but I was really disappointed in the read. To be honest, it actually made me feel angry and like chucking my my Apple across the room. I really think you overdid the DING! FLASH! This is a good example of overkill and it really didn't work for me at all.

I do love the title and I love the idea behind this, but its the execution that is messed up for me. I'd love to be supplied with more context before all the Ding/Flash and know who they are searching for and why right off the bat. Then maybe I care and I'll be willing to put up with a little Ding/Flash. On the positive side, I think that I'm going to use Ding/Flash in the future to describe abrupt actions together with overkill.

It's one of those sweet memories that comes with reading a lot of scripts, I guess and becomes part of Simply Culture. I'll try and come back to this again, but right now, yes, I find myself highly irritated by it.

I noted this:

GWEN Late nineteen fifties build, a
street light, center of the window.

*I was thinking Gwen had a 1950's style to her dress.

And this on page 2:

Page 2

He crashes out. Who is “He”?

Is there a man on page 2 that I missed?

Congratulations on completing the challenge.

Sandra

It's a bit fragmented for me. And old woman seeing things is a nice idea but the action keeps shifting too much. And who is this old woman? - Gwen is just 30.
Like here
"EXT. BUNGALOW - NIGHT The hot hatch surrounded by devastation. Reese falls unable to walk.
REESE Keep running, Brandon!
Brandon flees down the street."
Which street - is it all in Intercut mode.

Then all these DingFlashes... - D W --what does it mean?

The idea of seeing stuff is very good, reminds me of Minority Report. Minority Report written simply, why don't you simplify the writing in yours too. -just a suggestion, I rarely comment on writing but this was hard to read.

I have to be honest...the DING-FLASH thing really distracted me from the story.  I had a hard time focussing.  I have ADD...that might be why.  Hopefully it's just me.  If not, you may want to tone down the "loudness" so people can get to the meat of the story.

Pros

Memorable lead character.

Strong concept.

Very good use of the Banshee type character.

A bold effort.

Cons

Story slightly less than the sum of its parts. It's got the legs, not quite the execution as yet.

The Ding thing has been commented on. It made the story very fragmented and unecessarily so. I think a slightly easier and controlled system of "divination/second sight" would help you to smooth the story and allow you to focus more on the story mechanics.

Keaton raised a good point about the two story types. Personally I think the mystery, suspense type approach works better than the all out action.

Also like to see more backstory to the phenomenon...what it's trying to do, it's motivation and a stronger theme.

There's definite potential there though.

This one was hard to follow.  After a second read, it's still a little unclear to me exactly what was going on.  

The banshee attack in the car was cool, but Reese's death didn't make much sense.  And Brandon takes off running and that's the last we see of him.  The ending had more of an action feel to it than horror.

As for the now-notorious DING-FLASH, I understand what you were shooting for.  The bell tolls and the woman has her visions.  But when it got to Ding-Flash(D), (W) and (T), I was just lost.

A very creative entry, but I wish it had more clarity and focus.

It's far too cumbersome to read.  It's too cluttered and when, in the rare event it wasn't, you had the absurd DING and FLASH bit to worry about.  Your script is so jammed packed, screaming in my face to breath that I couldn't continue it past page 6.  It just didn't do anything to keep me trudging through it.

Your format needs work.  Space.  You need to learn how to convey these DINGS and FLASHES in a way where it doesn't weight the reader down.  Jwent said something along the lines of it being boring or tedious to read... I agree with this 100%.  

Another thing I noticed, Gwen starts of over 80% of the action bricks. Change up Gwen to she or just use the action she's doing first.  You need to variate and switch up to keep pace and flow flowing.

This was tough.

The barrage of various flashes toward the end is where I officially gave up on understanding.  There was like 5 characters having flashes - I just didn't get it, nor did I really get any of the characters for that matter.

Dialogue was another rough spot as they're saying important things but it's presented so blandly that it contributes to all of the convolution going on.  That was another thing - there's A LOT going on and I honestly couldn't tell which way you were trying to go with this.

I think there's something good buried somewhere in here.  I picked up on the mythological stuff and I thought your logline was interesting - but this is way overwritten as it is and was a project to get through.  Rewrite this because I think you're probably onto something, but as is it's a tough one.  

Nice effort though.

Greg

DAMN! FLASH-

This wore me out. The story was Okay but the very tedious means why which I have to pull out the story did not make for an enjoyable read at all.

The story was good but lost in the writing.

I never want to work that hard just to get to the end.

Shawn.....><

I read this yesterday and was completely distracted by the DING, FLASHES.  So much so, that I found myself unable to concentrate on the story.  I gave it another try today and I have to say the story kind of rocked.  

The use of mythology was very cool with the addition of the crippled clairvoyant (is that what she is)?  I liked the turn where the banshee inhabited Fionn's body for revenge against Gwen/Reese.  Cool turn with Reese sacrificing himself to help Gwen defeat the banshee.  

Great job on this.

EDIT: This is my favorite of the first 10 scripts released.

The writing here was competent and self assured. I found the DING FLASH professional, but it interrupted the flow. FIONN is a man's name! Interesting take on the Banshee tale. I liked the heroine, it was atypical and nicely thought out. Good story. Great job on completing the OWC.

WOW, WTF?  No...no...NO!

Sorry, can't get past page 2 here.  Way too distracting with those damn DING FLASH things.  Way too staccato.  Way too difficult to read, understand, and enjoy.  Many lines made no sense to me.  Much of the dialogue seemed completely unnatural.  Slugs were buried inside DING FLASH's.  Basically, really fucked up.

You went for something unique and new, and when you do that, you're going to get 2 ends of the stick...people will either love it or hate it, based on the way it's written and looks.  Because of this, story really doesn't even matter.

I hated it and couldn't get through 2 full pages even. IMO, this is not the way to go.  Tell your story and do it in a way that isn't going to alienate people from your script.

Bold move, but a big whiff as far as I'm concerned.

I am determined to come back to this story soon. I feel like I might be missing out on a good story by a good writer due to flaws in my own ability as a reader. Maybe tomorrow.

Sorry to the writer but I didn't have the gumption to get past the DING-FLASH thingy.

It's almost like you are telling the film editor how to do their job. Which for me is even more of a no-no than telling the director what to do.

Unless I'm missing somthing. I dunno, this confused me.

I had a hard time with the ding flashes, I wasn't sure what you meant. I never really got into this. By page 8 you had lost my attention and I stopped reading. Sorry, just being honest.