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Really good action on the boat IMO. Reminded me of the Stephen King story that they filmed for Creephow..where they swim out to a jetty and a weird oil spill thing attacks them...the tension really worked.
The "collection" was very interesting.
Cons
A bit expositional.
Didn't really get the Grant's dad is a big shot kind of thing...seemed a bit out of step with the the mythology. Maybe try and find a stronger thematic reason for why she wanted him.
Thanks for (most of) the reviews and helpful suggestions and also to that one person who voted for this. LOL. I appreciate it.
I had the idea milling around in my head since the day the challenge was announced but unfortunately I just couldn't get any quiet time to write, so I ended up writing it in 4 hours before the deadline.
I've since come up with a much better character story. Maybe I'll rewrite...who knows. Anyway, thanks.
I'm sorry to see you've deleted your account. I'm going back through and keeping my promise that I'll read any who read mine.
This was well written. For the short time you had, the characters were easy to tell apart. It had a nice eerie flow to it.
Grant's line of "Don't you know who I am?" may have worn itself out. I'd like to see why he's so high on himself. Is he rich? famous? mob?
I liked that he got it in the end though and Ian and Duncan were let go. Some very good visuals towards the end. Good luck. Would be nice to see you back here someday. You know how to write IMO.