SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 2:48am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    February 2011 One Week Challenge  ›  A Hazing at Dead Lake - Feb 2011 OWC Moderators: Grandma Bear
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    A Hazing at Dead Lake - Feb 2011 OWC  (currently 3556 views)
Scar Tissue Films
Posted: March 4th, 2011, 3:04pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Posts
3382
Posts Per Day
0.63
Pros

Nice setting. Very in keeping with the mythology.

Really good action on the boat IMO. Reminded me of the Stephen King story that they filmed for Creephow..where they swim out to a jetty and a weird oil spill thing attacks them...the tension really worked.

The "collection" was very interesting.

Cons

A bit expositional.

Didn't really get the Grant's dad is a big shot kind of thing...seemed a bit out of step with the the mythology. Maybe try and find a stronger thematic reason for why she wanted him.

Overall a tense and eerie ride.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 15 - 18
RayW
Posted: March 4th, 2011, 4:24pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Freedom

Location
About a thousand years from now.
Posts
1821
Posts Per Day
0.36
Hi, Per Petter   (WTH?)

Turn off your program's (cont.) feature, unless you like that.  

By page 8 I want to smack Grant with my shoe.

I very much like your dialog with the boys. Well done.

Pretty nice creep story.
THAT would be great around the campfire.
Not so much horror, but definitely creepy.

Excellent. Congratulations!




Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
RayW  -  March 6th, 2011, 10:55am
Logged
Private Message Reply: 16 - 18
wannabe
Posted: March 5th, 2011, 11:07pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Thanks for (most of) the reviews and helpful suggestions and also to that one person who voted for this.  LOL.  I appreciate it.

I had the idea milling around in my head since the day the challenge was announced but unfortunately I just couldn't get any quiet time to write, so I ended up writing it in 4 hours before the deadline.  

I've since come up with a much better character story.  Maybe I'll rewrite...who knows.  Anyway, thanks.  
Logged
e-mail Reply: 17 - 18
jwent6688
Posted: March 6th, 2011, 10:53am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Wherever I go, there Jwent.

Posts
1858
Posts Per Day
0.33
Marnie,

I'm sorry to see you've deleted your account. I'm going back through and keeping my promise that I'll read any who read mine.

This was well written. For the short time you had, the characters were easy to tell apart. It had a nice eerie flow to it.

Grant's line of "Don't you know who I am?" may have worn itself out. I'd like to see why he's so high on himself. Is he rich? famous? mob?

I liked that he got it in the end though and Ian and Duncan were let go. Some very good visuals towards the end. Good luck. Would be nice to see you back here someday. You know how to write IMO.

James


Logged
Private Message Reply: 18 - 18
 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    February 2011 One Week Challenge  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006