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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Contests - Screenwriting and Filmmaking  ›  A Feeding Frenzy Screenwriting Competition Moderators: Don
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  Author    A Feeding Frenzy Screenwriting Competition  (currently 837 views)
CindyLKeller
Posted: November 17th, 2007, 6:31am Report to Moderator
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I entered this one because of its record on moviebytes, and because they offered feedback.

I was extremely happy with the feedback I received yesterday. Amy went well beyond what the basic coverage that I had paid for.

I received 10 pages of notes that will help in my rewrite.

This is one to enter if you are looking for a contest.

Cindy

{Don's edit  - link: http://www.afeedingfrenzy.com/ }



Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama

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Don  -  November 17th, 2007, 6:56am
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dogglebe
Posted: November 17th, 2007, 7:32am Report to Moderator
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Ten pages of feedback is a helluva lot of notes.  I'll have to look into it.

Which script did you enter?


Phil
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CindyLKeller
Posted: November 17th, 2007, 6:09pm Report to Moderator
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I entered a new draft of "Halloween Games".
I paid $95 for the entry and the feedback.

Amy said that she was giving me a little bit more than what she usually would because she thinks the script is almost there. I had entered it into their contest early, too.

She told me what worked, and what needed work, so I'll be working on it some more, and maybe enter the new version into their contest, too... that is if I get it completed in enough time. BUT she did tell me that I was still in the running for the contest, this was just the feedback that I asked for.

Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama

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CindyLKeller  -  November 17th, 2007, 6:34pm
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dogglebe
Posted: November 17th, 2007, 8:00pm Report to Moderator
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Did she tell you to kill what's-his-name, like I've been saying all these years?

I received my feedback from the New York City Horror Film Festival, regarding The Burnout.  I don't agree with what the judge said.


Phil
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CindyLKeller
Posted: November 18th, 2007, 7:04am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from dogglebe
Did she tell you to kill what's-his-name, like I've been saying all these years?


Nope. She said she noticed and experienced many funny moments throughout the script, but there were far too many to mention in this brief critique. But some of the interactions between Chuck and Gloria were hilarious.

She started it with - Good job on your script. I enjoyed reading it. You are a talented writer and have a solid grasp of the major elements that comprise a screenplay. While we'd all love to hear that our scripts are ready to go as is, the truth is that writing is all about rewriting. I went into more detailed notes than you ordered because I think you're very close to reaching your scripts full potential.

Please be aware that all feedback is very subjective. However, these are the kind of notes I would give to any studio executive or producer looking to further develop your script. When working on a rewrite my opinions should never supersede your gut instinct. This is your baby and you know it best.

She wrote about layering the characters. Getting inside their heads more, especially Susie. Susie's character should have an internal as well as an external ride throughout this script.

She commented on premise, theme, characters, plot, structure (each act),dialogue, presentation, and the logline.

She ended the notes with - I know this is a lot of information, but you've already done a great job and you're very close. I think this is an interesting project with potential. Keep at it!

She also said that if I had any questions, I could e-mail her and she would be happy to clarify.

Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
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dogglebe
Posted: November 18th, 2007, 7:34am Report to Moderator
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If she didn't say to kill what's-his-name, then I have no faith in her critiquing experience.



Phil
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MacDuff
Posted: November 18th, 2007, 7:58pm Report to Moderator
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I should be writing...

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Quoted from dogglebe
Did she tell you to kill what's-his-name, like I've been saying all these years?

I received my feedback from the New York City Horror Film Festival, regarding The Burnout.  I don't agree with what the judge said.


Phil


What do you disagree with, Phil? Overall feedback or certain aspects?

Was this a competition and if so, how did you fare?

I've always liked The Burnout, so I'm interested in what they had to say about it.

Stew

PS - Congrats, Cindy. It looks like you are on the home stretch with this one.


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dogglebe
Posted: November 18th, 2007, 9:07pm Report to Moderator
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This is all just a running gag between me and Cindy.  I hate one of the characters in Halloween Games.  What I write is no statement on the competition or Cindy.

But Chuck really has to go.  I mean, really.  He has to go.



Phil
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: November 18th, 2007, 11:06pm Report to Moderator
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What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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This is a really good thread because it speaks of the perseverance necessary in writing; that writing is all about rewriting.

The internal and external struggles which were mentioned to Cindy in her critique are very important aspects which not only writers play, but actors do as well, particularly  when they play a scene or even an entire movie against the grain.

I wasn't watching it because I was working on my novel, but my husband had it on in the background and I found myself looking up. **note: Usually, I'm too much involved in my work to be pulled away.  My goodness!  I almost forgot to say the name... Truthfully, I did forget.  This is one of the moments when I'm glad that I I do a lot of rereading: Insert:  Anyways, it's called: Night Listener.  This one is on my list of "to watch."  Mind you I do love Robin Williams.  But I'm getting away on myself...

I don't want to put any spoilers here so I'm not going to say what is happening, but one of the characters plays a particular part which is definitely against the grain of what's happening externally and maybe even in her own mind.

Anyways Cindy... keep at Halloween Games.  I'm really swamped right now, but maybe in a month or so I can read it.  Maybe I can read Halloween Games for Christmas.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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CindyLKeller
Posted: November 19th, 2007, 10:12am Report to Moderator
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I started this script back in 2004.
It has been through a lot of rewrites because it was my first script I ever wrote and it was pretty much a mess when I started with it.

The newest draft "is not" posted here.

I know Phil doesn't like Chuck,   and that's okay. Chuck is a jerk. He's a single guy who drinks too much, not very educated, and a loud mouth, but on the other hand he does care about his friends, and underneath it all he's really a softy.

She also suggested that I start with a new beginning. Have Susie start out as a 1, lacking something and at a low.  Have her work her way through the script coming up against obstacles, how she deals with them, until she is finally a 10 (realizing and living her goal).

I now know how to show what is going on in her mind, who she is, where she is coming from and where she will end up, and it won't be through flashbacks. It will be through her dialogue, and her actions to each situation. I think I finally got it.

I just looked at their website. There is no way that I'm going to be able to do this before the last entry date for their contest, since I'm working pretty much full time now, but I am going to finish it soon. Might be a few months. Then I'll send it in to Don.

Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
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