Pages: 1, 2 : All |
Author |
Your first 10! (currently 1064 views) |
Grandma Bear |
Posted: June 18th, 2020, 9:00pm |
|
|
Administrator
LocationThe Swamp... Posts7961 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
|
LC |
Posted: June 18th, 2020, 9:16pm |
|
|
Administrator
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts7582 Posts Per Day 1.34 |
Nope. Comp sounds interesting... Btw, love your title, Pia. What's your genre? Just curious. It's probably a RomCom. |
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 1 - 16 |
|
|
Grandma Bear |
Posted: June 19th, 2020, 7:01am |
|
|
Administrator
LocationThe Swamp... Posts7961 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
Nope. Comp sounds interesting... Btw, love your title, Pia. What's your genre? Just curious. It's probably a RomCom. |
I thought it's actually a pretty cool idea and might be very competitive since most writers can write a GREAT beginning. Rom-com??? Me??? . No. A thriller. I'm currently working on a second draft. Thanks to amazing writer friends, I had 26 pages of feedback. Big shame on me if I can't make this one better. |
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 2 - 16 |
|
|
Yuvraj |
Posted: June 19th, 2020, 7:56am |
|
|
Been Around
LocationWhy you wanna know? Posts779 Posts Per Day 0.50 |
Think I heard about this somewhere. Maybe from one of the Sorkin's interview. |
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 3 - 16 |
|
|
MarkRenshaw |
Posted: June 28th, 2020, 6:02am |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationUK Posts2335 Posts Per Day 0.59 |
Let us know how it goes. I had a look into it and it's run by a Hollywood tourist podcast site, so I'm not sure how much of an inroad into the industry competition this really is but always worth a shot. http://wherehollywoodhides.com/ |
| For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK |
|
|
|
Reply: 4 - 16 |
|
|
Grandma Bear |
Posted: July 1st, 2020, 8:24pm |
|
|
Administrator
LocationThe Swamp... Posts7961 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
Ok. Heard back. I thought getting feedback on the first 10 pages was a great idea as a contest. I submitted my thriller Desert Tears. These are some of the highlights...
Category: Drama Now this is interesting since it's definitely is a thriller...
"To be perfectly honest, this script felt quite redundant. The story doesn’t offer anything new in comparison to films and shows released before it.
Also, it isn’t clear why the writer chose to specify the ethnicity of the victims and criminals as Hispanic.
Some of the character descriptions are longer than necessary.
Overall, however, the story does not entice you to keep reading but largely due to lack of character and plot development.
The writer spends a great deal of time on character descriptions as opposed to creating a visual read of each scene and – as mentioned above – creating depth when it comes to plot.
The story is missing a significant hook that would entice the reader to continue.
The story needs to offer something unique and interesting to keep audiences engaged. It is currently missing that element whether it is in an intriguing protagonist or exploration of an unthinkable crime.
The concept of this story has great potential but the execution of it doesn’t offer anything engaging to keep the reader wanting to continue past the first 10 pages. Nora’s character is underdeveloped and the intriguing conflict - without a backstory - is not enough to present as a hook. "
Seven people have read this one by now. A first draft, but still. None of the feedback reflects the feedback I got from this competition. I can take negative feedback. I'm thick skinned by now. I honestly felt that this reader was not a real "script reader". Seemed to me this person wanted to know everything in just the first ten pages. I will not submit to this comp again.
|
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 5 - 16 |
|
|
LC |
Posted: July 1st, 2020, 8:45pm |
|
|
Administrator
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts7582 Posts Per Day 1.34 |
Pia, I'd go with the general consensus of seven in this case.
Was there anything positive? It seems incredibly negative, and not balanced, except for: 'great potential...'
And the ethnicity bit? Weird.
P.S. They don't sound like a pro-reader to me just by their own repetition of 'character descriptions'. Obviously I haven't read it but I have read your stuff before and you're not one for elaborate overdone character descriptions. |
| |
|
Revision History (1 edits) |
LC - July 1st, 2020, 9:02pm | | |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 6 - 16 |
|
|
Grandma Bear |
Posted: July 1st, 2020, 9:05pm |
|
|
Administrator
LocationThe Swamp... Posts7961 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
There were some positive's things, but they contradict some of the negative comments. I honestly felt this was read and commented on by a newbie. Maybe someone fresh out of film or screenwriting school, but certainly not a studio reader. |
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 7 - 16 |
|
|
Yuvraj |
Posted: July 2nd, 2020, 1:11pm |
|
|
Been Around
LocationWhy you wanna know? Posts779 Posts Per Day 0.50 |
Well, Pia,
Although I didn't read the script(I would surely read it if I find it, lol). But the idea of getting the review on the first 10 pages seemed to me not that great. Since considering that a story can't simply be judged on just a few first pages. Every writer has got his/her sense of pacing, character development, and story progression. Some do it fast while others take time. Sure a 120-page screenplay has to be tight, on the point and condense but at the time it has to emote the same as a 500-page novel would. But this doesn't make it justifiable to cart out your review solely based on the first 10 pages. This is absurd.
The review seemed not too professional. I mean what the reader wants? He/she isn't able to layout the proper grounds for their judgment(which is not possible by just reading the first 10 pages). I get that everyone looks for an idea that is interesting/new to read but that interesting/new idea can be entirely subjective. Most of all, an amazing execution of a very simple idea can change things. Here the reader just wants an idea. That doesn't make any sense. Ridiculous. |
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 8 - 16 |
|
|
eldave1 |
Posted: July 2nd, 2020, 4:27pm |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.95 |
Ok. Heard back. I thought getting feedback on the first 10 pages was a great idea as a contest. I submitted my thriller Desert Tears. These are some of the highlights...
Category: Drama Now this is interesting since it's definitely is a thriller...
"To be perfectly honest, this script felt quite redundant. The story doesn’t offer anything new in comparison to films and shows released before it.
Also, it isn’t clear why the writer chose to specify the ethnicity of the victims and criminals as Hispanic.
Some of the character descriptions are longer than necessary.
Overall, however, the story does not entice you to keep reading but largely due to lack of character and plot development.
The writer spends a great deal of time on character descriptions as opposed to creating a visual read of each scene and – as mentioned above – creating depth when it comes to plot.
The story is missing a significant hook that would entice the reader to continue.
The story needs to offer something unique and interesting to keep audiences engaged. It is currently missing that element whether it is in an intriguing protagonist or exploration of an unthinkable crime.
The concept of this story has great potential but the execution of it doesn’t offer anything engaging to keep the reader wanting to continue past the first 10 pages. Nora’s character is underdeveloped and the intriguing conflict - without a backstory - is not enough to present as a hook. "
Seven people have read this one by now. A first draft, but still. None of the feedback reflects the feedback I got from this competition. I can take negative feedback. I'm thick skinned by now. I honestly felt that this reader was not a real "script reader". Seemed to me this person wanted to know everything in just the first ten pages. I will not submit to this comp again.
|
Well, being one of the folks who have read it - I can safely say the above comments are inane and in the WTF category. How do you determine a story is redundant in ten pages (as a note - it was actually quite unique). How do you determine it is not necessary to identify the ethnicity of the characters (this one really sounded like an overly woke, politically correct comment to me). I could go on and one - but the point is that the comments were just stupid. This was a very quick read and a hell of a script - they are clueless. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 9 - 16 |
|
|
BarryJohn |
Posted: July 3rd, 2020, 12:45am |
|
|
New Who am I? A man with a hundred stories..
LocationSouth Africa Posts349 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
Mmm... Just a thought?
An interesting topic, COMPITETIONS. Controversial at times... Here on SS home page, top right corner is an unused area: OPEN SPACE. Maybe Don can make it a COMPITITION THREAD? |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 10 - 16 |
|
|
LC |
Posted: July 3rd, 2020, 1:07am |
|
|
Administrator
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts7582 Posts Per Day 1.34 |
I don't get it, BJ. This is a competition/ contest thread. ??
You mean additionally? |
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 11 - 16 |
|
|
BarryJohn |
Posted: July 3rd, 2020, 3:05am |
|
|
New Who am I? A man with a hundred stories..
LocationSouth Africa Posts349 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
Hi LC
You right. I read more into this thread, and it is as such. Disregard my above post. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 12 - 16 |
|
|
Grandma Bear |
Posted: July 3rd, 2020, 10:18pm |
|
|
Administrator
LocationThe Swamp... Posts7961 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
Thanks Dave. You're being very kind. This thing was relaitively inexpensive, so I'm not too upset. I did pay extra though, $29 for studio notes and I do NOT feel these were studio notes or anywhere near. I would not be surprised if this comp fails and fades away. |
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 13 - 16 |
|
|
MarkRenshaw |
Posted: July 4th, 2020, 5:05am |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationUK Posts2335 Posts Per Day 0.59 |
This is why there are so many movies and TV show out there which starts off with an exciting scene and then goes
SUPER - THREE DAYS EARLIER
Because script readers want EVERYTHING in the first ten pages. Character development, hook, plot, depth, voice and of course, you don't always get all of that at the beginning of a story... but they expect it all in ten pages. It is so frustrating. |
| For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK |
|
|
|
Reply: 14 - 16 |
|
|
eldave1 |
Posted: July 4th, 2020, 10:57am |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.95 |
Thanks Dave. You're being very kind. This thing was relaitively inexpensive, so I'm not too upset. I did pay extra though, $29 for studio notes and I do NOT feel these were studio notes or anywhere near. I would not be surprised if this comp fails and fades away. |
It just kind of pissed me off Pia - you're an experienced seen it all writer - can you imagine how they are crushing talented newbies who are taking their advice seriously?? The first ten pages in particular were delicious. There is no effing way you can read them and not want to know what happens next. I agree - they are going to FADE OUT as a competition. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 15 - 16 |
|
|
eldave1 |
Posted: July 4th, 2020, 11:05am |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.95 |
This is why there are so many movies and TV show out there which starts off with an exciting scene and then goes
SUPER - THREE DAYS EARLIER
Because script readers want EVERYTHING in the first ten pages. Character development, hook, plot, depth, voice and of course, you don't always get all of that at the beginning of a story... but they expect it all in ten pages. It is so frustrating. |
It is true - but idiotic and deforms natural storytelling. I've read a ton of scripts that lull at the midpoint because the writer shot their wad in the opening ten pages. I have empathy for them as I know why they bastardized their story from it's natural order. The paradigm has somehow become that you must effing sell your script within the first ten pages. It should simply be that by the time you get to page 10 - you want to continue to page 11 - rinse and repeat. I know that is not the world we live in - but it should be. It's like if they wanted all singers to open their songs with the closing crescendo. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 16 - 16 |
|
Pages: 1, 2 : All |