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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  I, The Rotting Moderators: bert
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  Author    I, The Rotting  (currently 3908 views)
Don
Posted: February 21st, 2004, 11:12pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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I, The Rotting by Michael Beaujean - Horror - The Millers are your all American 1950s family.  As a favor to one of their relatives, they promise to stay on the cemetery grounds with the intentions of watching after the dog.  However they're met with a legion of flesh eating zombies.  Trapped in a garage, they slowly loose control of themselves and the situation.  Gorey, stylish and beautiful. - doc** format.


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max81790
Posted: February 22nd, 2004, 4:31pm Report to Moderator
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I thught it was kick ass! I loved it, gory beyond belief which is a good thing and I thought it rocked, it could maybe be a bit longer  and a few more characters but it was a 9!
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Mordecai
Posted: February 22nd, 2004, 9:06pm Report to Moderator
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Hey, I wrote "I, The Rotting".  Thanks for your comments.

On the issue of its shortness, its intended to be a shorter film, I probably should have put that down.  This is my first completed script, so I didn't want to take on a full length movie just yet.

As for their attitudes toward Jimmy, you can see that Dave is skeptical of Jimmy at first, but out of desperation for Stacey's life, they decide to trust him.

I think you're right that Mary seems a bit too calm.  Just picture her crying with blood all over her clothes while she's talking.

And there are a few mistakes in the screenplay.  I'll fix those up and try to get the revised version posted.

Thanks again.
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FSKessler
Posted: February 24th, 2004, 1:24pm Report to Moderator
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Ok...let me be the voice of dissent here.

This script is terrible for a  lot of reasons:

1.  The dialogue is terribly weak.  There is more to writing horror than cramming in as much gore as possible.  John's reaction to the death of his wife is absolutely ridiculous.  He's totally calm and collected as Jimmy, who is a total rip off of John Coffee in THE GREEN MILE, consoles him.  "Consider your wife already dead!"  What?  How would any man in his right mind simply blow THAT off?  Are you married or do you have a girlfriend?  If so, would you simply blow off her violent murder at the hands of a monster that, until five minutes ago, you believed to be a work of fiction?  Also, why set this in the 50's?  That touch makes it seem even more like a parody.  They talk like a circa-1955 TV family at the beginning and then suddenly they don't.  Why this time period?  If you're going to write in that period, do some research and use phrases and terms common to the period.  "Golly-gee" and "Dang" don't make me suddenly care that it's set in the 50's.

2.  It reads like a parody with absolutely no character development whatsoever.  Am I, as a reader, supposed to give a shit about these people?  Driving nails into the foreheads of the dead isn't going to keep the attention of anyone, outside a select group of people who find that interesting.  Half-way though I wasn't sure if this was supposed to be funny or serious.

3.  Did it really have to be a chainsaw at the end?  Haven't we all seen THE EVIL DEAD films?  Don't you think that that particular zombie-slaying weapon is a bit of a trademark for a certain Bruce Campbell character?

4. Do you really think that Dave would jump onto his mom's back and start attacking her and shouting "Keep away from my dad!"?  Nonsense.  You can't release your emotional attachments to someone in 3 minutes just because some Wise Stranger (who talks like a bad racial parody) tells you so.  C'mon man!

5.  I'm not trying to be mean or talk shit.  I'm trying to give you advice.  Here's a kind piece of advice: don't post an incomplete script.  If you're going to expand this, wait until it's finished to post it.  As it is, it's reads like a re-write of the middle of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD.  This has been done to death lately (zombies, I mean).  If you're going to jump onto this bandwagon, do it with some style.  In its current form, this script is weak and incomplete. 

I'd focus on a plot and dialogue, for starters.  This script has neither.

Thanks!


FS (Scott) Kessler
"Get excited Motherf**ker!" -
Rocco in The Boondock Saints
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TheParadoxicalShaman
Posted: February 24th, 2004, 10:44pm Report to Moderator
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He wanted to talk, I wanted to shoot...

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hahhahaha

how subtle.....shatter his dreams and aspirations why don't you?

ahh....that made my day....thank you

havne't read teh whole thing, but from what I hear, i'd like it neways....


He wanted to talk.  I wanted to shoot.
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FSKessler
Posted: February 25th, 2004, 12:17am Report to Moderator
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Heh...I'm not trying to shatter anything.  When I take the time to read a script, I hate coming away from it feeling like the time was wasted.  It's not as if I'm perfect.  It just bothers me when I see someone who might have the skills to be a writer waste them on yet more played out zombie nonsense.

As I've said before: let's do something new with horror. 

And the script is not good. It seems thrown together.


FS (Scott) Kessler
"Get excited Motherf**ker!" -
Rocco in The Boondock Saints
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R.E._Freak
Posted: February 25th, 2004, 1:30pm Report to Moderator
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Since I'm obsessed with zombies I thought I'd give this a read. First thing I noticed was it only took me about ten minutes to read it, it's pretty short. Your tone's a bit off too. You say a horror tragedy, and yet at times it seems more like 'Pleasantville' meets 'Dawn of the Dead.' The dialogue needs a little work, at times it follows your 1950's theme, but at other times it seems a little too modern. As for the chainsaw, I was half expecting him to start shouting things like 'Hail to the king, baby!'

My advice, rewrite it as a strict spoof. Forget being serious, just stick with the 1950's theme and go nuts. Be as stereotypical as you can. Have them blow off an undead head and say 'Golly gee that sure was fun!'
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the goose
Posted: February 25th, 2004, 1:48pm Report to Moderator
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Yippie-kay-ay.

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I'm about to have a look, good to know that although Kessler hates and has vowed never to read a Zombie script again is having a look at one. I'm gonna have a look at this, I love Zombies. Oh, guy who wrote this, is that a Lucio Fulici still I see under your name?


"We don't make movies for critics, since they don't pay to see them anyhow."

-- Charles Bronson.
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R.E._Freak
Posted: February 25th, 2004, 2:25pm Report to Moderator
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Looks like Derrik eating the head in 'Bad Taste,' if I know my horror movies, which I do.
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TylerDurden1544
Posted: February 25th, 2004, 4:22pm Report to Moderator
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Peter jackson should go back to the old days of making horror Films, Bad Taste and Dead Alive(braindead) were fantastic
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FSKessler
Posted: February 27th, 2004, 2:57am Report to Moderator
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Ya know...actually I DO like Zombie movies.  I'm just sick of them.  Enough already.  Let it rest a few years and come back to it.  It's just getting played out.

I like the title of this script a lot.  That's what drew me to it.


FS (Scott) Kessler
"Get excited Motherf**ker!" -
Rocco in The Boondock Saints
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R.E._Freak
Posted: February 27th, 2004, 3:58pm Report to Moderator
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The Italians need to start making zombie movies again. They knew how to make a good undead gore fest.
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the goose
Posted: February 27th, 2004, 4:03pm Report to Moderator
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Yippie-kay-ay.

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The ending of this was just too obvious. But it was okay in parts. I've never actually seen Bad Taste is it very good.


"We don't make movies for critics, since they don't pay to see them anyhow."

-- Charles Bronson.
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Zombie Sean
Posted: November 20th, 2005, 6:03pm Report to Moderator
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I love zombies. I thought this script was okay and I read it all and I have some advice on how you can make it better:

> Character development. Like FSKessler had said, some of the family members barely even care that their mom or sister or son or whoever is dying. John finally got some development towards the end when he had to kill Jimmy and looked around seeing his family decapitated.

> All they do is kill zombies with nails being driven in their foreheads. There are other tools that could be used, like drills, saws, sledgehammers, screwdrivers...There are thousands more, but I don't want to list them all.

> Jimmy seems to know about the dead rising. Why doesn't he know that if you are bitten you will turn until after their mom dies and comes back to life?

> If the owner and the dog died right before the family got to the house, would the dog actually have started rotting away immediately, with maggots crawling inside the corpse? It takes a while for maggots to find food unless the dog was killed over a pile of maggots...

> 1950s? It kind of starts out like that, until Jimmy comes in, then it just starts sounding like today's world.

> Spelling and grammar need to be checked.

That is all I have to say for now. Keep writing!
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Horrorwriter20
Posted: November 21st, 2005, 1:44pm Report to Moderator
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hey give the guy a break. it was his first major script. yeah, he needs work on fomatting and other things but dont lash out on the guy juss cuz he wrote one bad script.
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