Just Before Dawn by Ian Warren - Horror - An adaptation of 1981's Just Before Dawn. A group of teens venture into the mountains on a camping trip for a weekend of sun and solitude, away from the stresses of city life. Unbeknownst to them, they are being watched, and one by one they start to fall prey to a vicious killer. As day becomes night, their pleasant camping trip becomes a relentless fight to stay alive. Will any of them survive those dark hours Just Before Dawn? - Contains strong language/violence and scenes of a sexual nature. - doc format.

Hi. This is my first attempt at a script. Although it's an adaptation, it's very different to the original. I kept the basic story line but created my own characters and action sequences. It plays very differently to the original but I guess there are enough similarities for me to be deemed a thief if I passed it off as completely my own lol.
By the way, the character called Warren is not named after me lol. That was the name of one of the characters in the original. I kept it so that there would be some links to my version and the one from 1981.

Please give it a read and let me know what you think, I'd really like some feedback .

Ian.

p.s. Oney (Oness) has left me a GREAT post about this script somewhere down there, but it gives away a lot in the way of twists and deaths that happen along the way. If you don't want to know these details before you read, I suggest you don't read his post until afterwards. It's a fantastic post though! Thanks Oney!

Ian, this was awesome. I COULD stop right there, and my point would be made, but i dont feel like stopping. As your first experience of writing a feature length script, i have to praise you. I've written some pretty decent scripts before in my opinion, but nothing could compare to this. This is just truly awesome writing, it's described beautifully, and you can just imagine it all in your head. You have incredibly likeable characters in this (Kansas being my fave.) and it's sad to see them go when it's their time, i didn't see that survivor coming though, very nice. Very unexpected as well, i would LOVE to see this get made into an actual remake, it (IMO) would be a box office smash. Keep up the writing Ian, i can only wait to see what you have next. Talk to you soon.

Thanks! I really appreciate your comments on it. You of all people know how long I've been writing it! I keep noticing mistakes in it now, it's really annoying > lol. I'm really glad you enjoyed it, especially because I've been talking about it to you since I only had 2 pages written! Thanks again for the great feedback; I can only hope that I get more of the same.

Ian

Thank you. I was excitedly and nervously awaiting your review because I had been going on about this script to you and I was worried I was building it up too much! I'm really glad you liked the deaths and dialogue; I spent a long time on those things in particular. I have honestly been spending months on it, half a year maybe. I've learnt stuff from a faithful Christmas present (a book called "How NOT to write a screenplay"), and from both resources and people on this very site. As I have gained this information during the writing process, I've been able to use it and get it up to a better standard.

Yes, I have the same problem with Freya! The script was getting too long, and more dialogue to ease her in would have made it HUGE! That's why when she appears I did a cut - time passes. The group have been walking and talking for a while, and we just miss it all to keep the story going. I did my best, with Warren being suspicious of her actions and not trusting her completely to begin with, and Kansas lashing out at her. I also told myself that the fear that they all share would bring them together very quickly, to make myself feel better lol. I may do a re-write one day to fix this, I want to correct some small mistakes anyway, like Kansas having three lines in succession; none of which have (CONT'D) written next to them lol. I also messed up Maddy's introduction, by saying "sits opposite" at the end. I changed it and forgot to delete that bit.

Kansas is my favourite character! I loved writing her because she gets to be friendly, witty and bitchy because of her relationships with Maddy, Jimmy and Adrienne. I deliberately kept all the characters around for a long time because I wanted to create a network between them; none of this stuff where they are separated and only really speak to one other character because they only play one role (e.g. the best friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a b*tch, an underdog etc). I tried really hard to make them all link and make them just as important as each other. I hope it worked!

The bit in the lake was lifted directly from the original. All I changed was the dialogue. I feel the same. It shouldn't show him at the waterfall. However, the shot in the original of him sneaking into the water in the distance is so creepy, and I wanted to keep some bits true to the film. I may change it if I do this rewrite lol.

Wow! Your script is very similar! And nearly all the stuff you've mentioned is my own; NOT stuff from the original that I kept in the script. So it really is us thinking alike lol. I look forward to your witchcraft script (I love "The Craft", so if it's anything like that I'm sure I'll enjoy it).
I do have an idea for another teen slasher film (tired concept I know but if you do them well they’re great lol), one that is completely my own. It's been in my head for ages! I have deaths and chase/action sequences written down that I've thought of and don't want to forget, and I know the basic plot. I won't be able to start if for a while unfortunately, because I have exams coming up. I'm actually on study leave right now so I shouldn't have been doing THIS script! But it was so close to being finished that I had to get it done lol.

I'll forgive you for your spoilers because by giving away stuff that happens, you've commented on parts that I'm really proud of so I'm really glad you said them! Besides, I did the same to you with my Spencer comment lol. I think I might put a spoiler warning in my first post, just saying not to read your post until after they've read the script if they don't want things to be given away .

I'm really happy about this feedback and that you liked it as much as you did. I'm glad you pointed out its flaws, I agree with them! I'm sure I'll fix them one day lol. Thanks again!

Ian

Ian,

  Yeah. Sorry, I should of a spoiler warning on it. I gave a lot away I think. Hopefully they'll think what I mentioned more exciting and want to read your script. By, the way what is the differences from your script and the original? Just to get an idea how different your script was from the film. My next script "Revenant" isn't like the "Craft" its more horror. I don't really want to tell you write now until because (like you) I have exams and finals coming up so I won't be able to write for a week or two and I don't want anyone to read my premise and steal my idea! LOL. Its mainly about a young woman getting her revenge through witchcraft after her death.

Cool, sounds good. If you go to http://www.terrortrap.com and then look in underrated slashers, there is a quite detailed outline of the whole original film on there. However, anyone who doesn’t want plot twists given away won’t want to read it until after they’ve read the script. The basic plot and plot twists are from the film, but I put more emphasis on them, and created a bit of a back story. Plus, there are a lot of differences:

-The main characters are mine. Their personalities, relationships and dialogue are all my own stuff. All I kept was one original name (there is a character called Warren in the original).
-Trey and Victor are in the original (but they're called Ty and Vechal), but their uncle and nephew, not father and son. They are nice in the original as well, and never have any contact with the family. Also, it's Ty that runs and away and sees the van. They DO stop, but they don't believe his drunken ramblings, and drive on. He sees the killer hitch a ride and merely laughs at their misfortune. He doesn't go looking for them. The original has a mountain ranger who goes to help.
-The Logan family is in the film, but I've changed their names (the surname "Logan" is from the original though) and given them more dimensions. We barely see them in the original, and they hardly talk. Their house is in the original, but we never see inside it. The whole scene where the teens go there is my own.
- Mine has a high body count. The original only had four deaths. Only one of the deaths in my script if lifted from the film, and that's the machete through the groin one (I came up with all the other ones). It was one of a few cool moments in the original that I wanted to transfer into mine. The scene in the lake is from the original, along with the opening scene (only mine is very different) and the Jimmy/Adrienne with the reveal in the church. The differences are the deaths. The church is in the original.
- The tree bit is in the original, but all it does is fall to the ground. There's also only one character UP it. Other than that, everything from the Jimmy/Adrienne/Church scene is my own right up to the end.

If you go on terror trap and read about it, you may find more similarities and differences.

WARNING: SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! I deleted the other post and added this because I felt bad tha I revealed a lot of stuff.


Ian, I am so impressed at this being your first script ever written! It was so awesome. I have no idea if this is anything like the original, because I've never seen it, but you wrote one of the most entertaining scripts I've read in a long time.

First of all, your characters, they were all likable(except Adrienne) you made them their own person and they all had edgy dialogue and their fair amount of time in the script. I didn't get a sense of who was your main character at first. I thought it was Freya, then Kansas, then finally Maddy. Though, when thing I really didn't like about Freya was that when she finally appeared in the script with the other characters(right after Adrienne's death) she seemed to know them and was like a really good friend. That is the only problem I had, don't let it bother you it's nothing major.

Second, your death scenes were the best! I liked how you had Adrienne's brief chase scene, revealing the two killers(which was a good twist). My favorite death though belongs to my favorite character, Kansas. The bear trap! That was so disgusting. I can't believe you killed her off like that! LOL. You were also very detailed with the deaths, which is good.

Thirdly, I liked the buildup of the ending, I thought it would be boring, but the edgy and comedic dialogue you added between the characters made up for that. My favorite line was, Kansas(to Adrienne) "Its beautiful and you suck, so stop talking, you're damaging the enviornment." I really liked that.

When Kansas and Jimmy are in the lake, playing around, I thought it would be more effective if you didn't show us the killer stepping into the lake, but either way it was effective and creepy. I wanted more backstory about the killers, but we've learned enough about them from the Logan family so I should just shut up.

Remember when we said that we thinked alike? On Prom Night board? This is so weird, you probably won't believe me, but I'm telling you anyways, because this is amazingly weird. I started a script last July, it was called "Road", it opens with Kat and Connor who's car is broken down on the side of the road in a very bad storm, on an isolated highway. They hitch a ride with a man named Jesse, who kidnaps them. When they awaken they're in his basement and he tortures them, killing Connor. Kat escapes from the cabin and gets chased around for about 15 pages, and finds the road and gets picked up by a couple on the edge of divorce, Erika and Gavin. Anyways, after getting the couple involved, all of them are being stalked by not just one killer, two killers(brothers), isn't that weird? I had scenes similar to yours: ex. (yours) tree falls down, halfway over the cliff (mine) car is halfway over the cliff(from a car accident). (yours) The get help from a teenager and go to a cabin where they learn about the killers (mine) Three of them go to a cabin, where an old couple live and they tell them about the killers. (yours) Freya and Maddy run down the highway almost at dawn (mine) Kat runs down the highway at dawn.

Isn't that weird? Good thing I never finished the script, because if I posted people would think I ripped off your script. So, do you have plans for your next script? I just started writing mine, it's about witchcraft.

Very suspenseful! I liked it a lot, even though it was like "The Hills Have Eyes", "Wrong Turn", and "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", but I find scripts like that interesting to read. Your characters were likable, except for Adrienne, I was praying for her to die. I thought you should have included SPOILER AHEAD.....A little more dialogue with Peter before he died. Throughout the whole script I was certain that Kansas was the main character, but I was wrong and said to see her...you know in such a brutal way. The scariest scene I thought was when Freya, Kansas, and Maddy were in the basement and saw the skeleton's of Warren's dad. I thought it was sad for the family to die because they were really trying to avoid being killed. The only problem I had with the script was that it took way too long to buildup, most of the dialogue wasn't that important and could of been left out, but you made up for that in the last 30 pages of the script. I've never seen the movie so I can't say if it lives up to the original.

Adrienne was my favourite character, pretty much because she had character, it was sad to see her go, she was interesting. The part when they were in the van and it cuts to Freya and then back to the van and stuff was VERY reminicent to "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (2003).
The only thing I don't like about your script is Jimmy, just going after Adrienne after all that crap, that was a bit stupid.

Thanks for the comments, they're great! I thought I'd had my lot and then happily found 2 new ones!  .

Eboms,

I'm glad you liked it! I'm pleased with the response I've had to Adrienne, people either love her or hate her, but always for the same reason; she's a B*TCH! Lol. I like Peter, and I wanted to develop him further, but the script was already very long (perhaps TOO long?). Like you said it takes a long time to build up, and more Peter related scenes would have slowed it down even more. Besides, I HAD to kill someone; it had been like 40 pages since we'd had a death! Lol.
The Kansas thing was intentional. I wanted to make her as likeable as possible and make her chances of survival look high, and then take her down just like THAT lol. I want people to care and it obviously worked; she seems to be a lot of people's favourite character (including mine!). But she had to go out with a bang, so I saved that....exit, JUST for her lol  .
The original isn't all that great, it's a cheap 80's film with about 4 deaths lol. That's why I remade it. My version is very different.

Jason,

It's cool that you liked Adrienne. I worked hard on giving her bitchy lines but also trying to make the audience feel sorry for her before she died. That's why I had the whole Adrienne/Jimmy scene that you didn't like. I wanted to develop her further, and I wanted people to warm to Jimmy as to me he seemed underwritten compared to some of the others. I also wanted his death to come out of nowhere, so they're talking about something to do with their personal lives unaware of what is about to come lol. AND, I needed them to be alone together so that no one would know about what had become of them until later.
The van sequence is in the original but I changed it slightly.

Thanks once again for these comments, I'm really happy with how people have responded, especially because this is my first script! Anyone else have any comments on it?

Yeah...
Here is an idea.
Maybe everyone else who is "ADAPTING" other peoples scripts should pay attention to this:


THIS IS NOT SCREENWRITING! THIS IS TAKING SOMEONE ELSES HARD WORK AN ATTACHING YOUR NAME TO IT.

STOP USING THE WORD ADAPTATION!
ADAPTATION refers to crafting a screenplay from another medium (poetry, Plays, Novels) Taking an already produced piece of work and changing some of the character names and death scenes is HACKISH NONSENSE! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP IT!

I still think that its one of the best scripts I've read on the site. What more could you want? Action, Sex, Deaths, Gore, and Drama. Its good and leaves an ending like "what are we going to do now?" and "how do we explain the whole situation?", someone said it was like "Wrong Turn" in some ways yeah, but this I think would make a more intense film on screen. It has twists(a whole lot during the last 30 pages) and it just came off like you had a really fun time writing the script.

Thanks Oney  

Ho,

This is pretty much ALL mine. I used the basic plot and that was IT! It was hardly a very complex or original plot anyway, and since you obviously haven't seen the original (if you had then you would see how different this is), you wouldn't have even known this was an adaptation if I hadn't said. I could have used a different title and pretended it was all mine, and I swear NO ONE on this site would've noticed. But, I have the decency to credit the film from which I got the plot (although I made changes to the plot as well). Jumping to conclusions much?! I didn't just "change some of the character names and death scenes". All the deaths bar ONE are my own creations, the chase/action sequences are too, the characters, their personal stories, relationships and the dialogue are all mine...I just didn't want to pawn it off as an original script when I took the BASIC idea from somewhere else.

You obviously just see the word adaptation and decided to waltz in and sh*t all over the person who wrote it, when (in my case anyway), you're way off (have you even read it?). You've done it in at least 3 threads now. We got the picture the FIRST time . When you repeat the same rant over and over it gives the impression that you're merely bored and feel the need to lay into people to busy yourself, rather than making you look moralistic in your attempts to defend the films that people have re-worked. I agree with you in a way, people should use their own ideas. But Oney has about 3 scripts on this site EXCLUDING Prom Night, so obviously he DOES have his own ideas and puts his name on them. I on the other hand have never written a script before. I wanted to try it and I have now. Remaking a film was easier. I had a basic template for the film, so I could concentrate less on structure and more on character development, dialogue and action scenes. As I have had a good response (generally), I feel confident to write one that's completely my own and I will start it in the near future.

Oh, and one more thing, you went into the Silent Night thread and slagged that one off for being unoriginal. Well, it wasn't a remake, and people are free to write what they want (again have you even read it?). You're just having a go at EVERYONE now aren't you. You don't even leave people feedback on what they've done. You just initially shout at them for it being an adaptation or whatever. Well that just SCREAMS maturity doesn't it. And bearing that whole freedom thing in mind, maybe you could just…I don't know...get over it? I'm afraid people are allowed to do what they want, so embrace the pain, and move on.

Ian

"Will any of them survive those dark hours Just Before Dawn?"

I am impressed. Did you come up with this?