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I got to say Sean that I love your stuff and you inspire me to write horror/survival scripts that can use old elements but with a different flare. You are one of my favorite screenwriters on SimplyScripts and Dead and Walking is your best script yet (I did like SM5 too! ). Also when I become a director(in about who knows how many year) I want to direct this!
I thought it was unqiue how you kept on adding on characters throughout the script like Vivian, and how they help each other out. I also like how you didn't do a ZOMBIE DOG scene with Mix. Also, there wasx a nice flow from the Ice scene to the Zombie fight scene.
However, the ending suprised me even with that Dawn of the Dead aspect.
I have finally finished reading this, Sean. Man was this fast paced! I had some nostalgic feelings when I saw the name Rachel pop up, so I was pulling for her the whole way and was pretty pissed when she died. I think the character I liked the most was Troy, I kind of wish he had more of a backstory, because he was kind of badass. I'm not a zombie officianado, but why do certain people that get bit turn into zombies right away, but others don't turn for hours? Is it just a main and minor character thing? Or was it because they would get bit in the arms and legs and it would take longer, rather than those that got bit in the neck?
There is not much to say. You have written a fine script complete with developed characters. The arc of the story seems to fit together well and it moved along at a good pace. You definately have a knack for the zombie genre. I almost envy you, hehe.
The only problems I have were that there was no down time in the script from the zombie attacks. In nearly every scene a zombie was popping out. After a while it was getting a little repetitive, but you managed to make each encounter unique, how I don't know because that was a lot of action you had to come up with, but different each time so it made it worthwhile. The other problem was with your pronoun antecedents and semantics. Now I am probably one of the few people on this planent that could really care less about how you write your script, I believe it is a personal choice. But when you were intercutting between certain scenes, you would start it like:
INT. CITY
Rachel and Andrew blah blah
EXT. GAS STATION
Vivian and Troy blah blah
INT. CITY
She picks him up.
I was getting lost at some points. I feel everytime you start a new scene, just let the reader know the characters' names that are involved in that scene, regardless of how many times you have cut back to it. It would make it much more easier to follow.
The ending definately caught me by surprise. It had a Dawn of the Dead feel to it at first, then a Shaun of the Dead with them finding the basement passage. I thought Christie and Chase would have survived but when he pulled the gun out I knew it was over.
Very good, Sean. I applaud you for making a 120 page zombie script actually worthwhile to read. I enjoyed it all the way through.
I had some nostalgic feelings when I saw the name Rachel pop up, so I was pulling for her the whole way and was pretty pissed when she died.
Haha yeah I realized that also. Sorry she died and she is nothing compared to the Rachel in your script. Your's is the hardcore, cowardless girl that everyone loves, while mine is the whimpy one who whines a lot, and ends up dying anyways.
Quoted from Guy Jackson
I'm not a zombie officianado, but why do certain people that get bit turn into zombies right away, but others don't turn for hours? Is it just a main and minor character thing? Or was it because they would get bit in the arms and legs and it would take longer, rather than those that got bit in the neck?
You nailed it on the head. If you've seen the Dawn of the Dead remake (or in fact any kind of zombie film) the longest it has been before anyone has turned was around five hours or so, depending on where the bite is. Like you said, if it was on the neck, you're pretty muched screwed over for the first five or ten minutes. If it's around the arms, legs, anything below the head, etc., then it usually takes much longer.
Quoted from Guy Jackson
The only problems I have were that there was no down time in the script from the zombie attacks. In nearly every scene a zombie was popping out. After a while it was getting a little repetitive, but you managed to make each encounter unique, how I don't know because that was a lot of action you had to come up with, but different each time so it made it worthwhile.
You never know what could be around the corner of a building until you reached that spot.
Quoted from Guy Jackson
antecedents and semantics
My what and what? Hehe sorry, in English, we read and do worksheets, not learn grammar and spelling, along with other English vocabulary stuff.
Quoted from Guy Jackson
The ending definately caught me by surprise. It had a Dawn of the Dead feel to it at first, then a Shaun of the Dead with them finding the basement passage. I thought Christie and Chase would have survived but when he pulled the gun out I knew it was over.
Haha that made my day...sort of...(sorry my bad day started in Theater), but that was what I hoping for for everyone. You'd think they'd get out alive, and then WHAM! Something gets in the way and all becomes one depressing ending.
Well thanks for the comment Jackson and everyone else, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
rock on man, a zombie flick I could sink my teeth in
a great story and some great scenes made for one of the better zombie / horror scripts I've read on this site.
One minor complaint is that some of your scenes are a little close to other zombies movies out there, but then again after 9 million zombie movies there isn't a whole lot of new ground to cover.
overall a big thumbs up and I'd pay to go see this. At night even lol
Pg. 2 - Once again... I can feel the atmosphere. You're great at setting mood and describing setting
Pg. 7 - Sure, we know it's a zombie but are you sure you should identify the dead guy as a zombie right away?
Pg. 8 -
Quoted Text
Rachel, a brunette with nothing on her mind but her looks
we can't see what's on her mind. I think instead you should describe just how she looks.
Pg. 9 -
Quoted Text
[center]
ANDREW[/center] So what if people are being 'bitten' or 'attacked' at the city we're headed to. There's nothing that is going to ruin my break
What an idiot!
Pg. 10 - Wow! That deer came out of nowhere! The car crash was well written.
Pg. 12 - The animals running away in the snow, sensing the danger, reminds me of that one scene in Dreamcatcher.
Pg. 14 -
Quoted Text
Her teeth ripping his lips off his face
Ouch! Sounds really painful.
Pg. 21 - Rachel's bitching is getting on my nerves!
Quoted Text
RACHEL
Make it go away, Andrew. please make it go away
What is she five?
Pg. 22 - With the switching back and forth of the scenes...i'm getting the characters mixed up. I'm sure I'll get them down soon. I always do.
Pg. 29 - FROZEN LAKE: Nice setting. I liked this scene...very entertaining.
1 MONTH LATER The above are the notes I made while reading this. I had to stop(Busy with school) now I'm continuing a little over a month later. I skimmed over the pages i read again.
Pg. 31 - We need to be reminded who is in this scene at first ... even though you just came from that scene.
Pg. 32 - ICICLE DEATH: Nice an nasty (Oxymoron?)
Pg. 33 - I wonder what effect the ice and freezing would have. Wouldn't it slow down the decaying process?
That's it Rachel! Fight back! Now all you have to do is stop whining.
Pg. 34 - HOMEMADE CAMPFIRE: What is she a forest ranger?...........oh nevermind...she explains it.
Pg. 47 -
Quoted Text
The window whistles through the branches above them.
I got confused at first 'til I realized that's supposed to be wind instead of window.
Pg. 49 - Poor mix...I love zombie dogs!
Pg. 50 - Barricade + Zombie movie = Bad NEWS
Pg. 51 -
Quoted Text
Chase and Christie sit on a crappy sofa
Lol! whay s that funny?
Pg. 53 -
Quoted Text
RICK
What exactly are those things are there?
I'm assuming it's supposed to be out instead of are
Quoted Text
Christie stands up, covering her mouth, read to cry.
Read to Ready
Pg. 60 - I love/hate how in every horror movie somebody rips a piece of their shirt (with ease) and wraps it around a wound. Like tearing a shirt is like tearing paper. lol
Quoted Text
He kicks another in the stomach, but the creature is so decayed, his foot smashes through it's bosy with ease.
Ugh...Soggy Zombies!
Pg 69 -
Quoted Text
RACHEL
We should fill these up for further use]
Why is she talking like a Newreporter? Sometimes your characters use words that people wouldn't normally use.
Pg. 70 - VIVIAN - Ooh! Army Bitch! LOL!
Pg. 74 -
Quoted Text
Exposing the outside world to the inside of the van
Nice Phrasing.
Pg. 75 -
Quoted Text
The van hits two threes
I think you mean two trees
Pg. 78 - Ha-ha Cool! MUD ZOMBIES! LOL.
Pg. 85 - The whole Jason situation is sad. Yep. It's kinda like that scene in Dawn of Dawn (Remake) when they kill Lindy Booth's dad.
Pg. 90 - Repeated:
Quoted Text
A dead a dead
The zombies have a enhanced sense of smell?
Pg. 98 -
Quoted Text
...when a cat pops out through the window
This is the the most cliche fake out scare ever.
Pg. 113 - I like Christie but why would she do something so stupid. Why did she open the bathroom door?
Pg. 117 - Aw. Too Bad. I kinda liked Rachel even though she was a whiner. It would be really messed up if they were stuck sitting on an elevated forklift with the zombies below them.
FINISHED
The ending really gives you that sense of hopelessness. It reminds me of the ending to Return of the Living Dead and Shaun of The Dead. This was a pretty good read...better than Kill Ride. This is the 2nd Zombie script I've read on simply scripts (I think;1st being Tanner Murray's Apocalypse...I think) This went by fast. Even though it took more than a month for me to read it I liked most of the characters too. I'll look forward to reading more of your scripts.
Hey Shawn thanks for the review. Wow I didn't realize I had that many spelling mistakes in it. But thanks for pointing them out.
I was thinking about having them find a few frozen or really, really slow moving zombies in the snow on their way to the warehouse, but I will have to find time to do a rewrite.
Quoted Text
Pg. 85 - The whole Jason situation is sad. Yep. It's kinda like that scene in Dawn of Dawn (Remake) when they kill Lindy Booth's dad.
Yeah I was kind of afraid that it would turn out to be like that, so I tried to give the same effect, but write it as differently as possible.
Quoted Text
The zombies have a enhanced sense of smell?
Yes. Lol.
Quoted Text
This is the the most cliche fake out scare ever.
Hey what's a movie with any cliché fake out scares?
Well anyways, thanks for the comments/advice/review and I will try and take a look at your stuff before school starts again. Unfortunately, I have summer school P.E. (Which really sucks by the way!) and so I am exhausted whenever I come home so I always just sit down and rest. I could try and squeeze in a few hours during the weekends when I have nothing else to do.
OMFG!!! I love this script... This is the first REAL script I've read. Everyone is giving me crap about all of my scripts... but yours is great and I see what I did wrong in my scripts. I give your script a 9.2/10
I'll prove to you I read it SPOILERS.....
1. I think it was RICK and CHRISTENE talking in the beginning when they saw the ambuliences. and then CHASE and MIX come into the story
2. RACHAEL, JASON, ANDREW, and WHITNEY. Whitney is a goth and andrew is like a football player type. And they Hit this deer and Jason has to call a towtruck when a zombie comes out of the woods and bites whitney in the arm? and Jason tries to help her and andrew takes a tire rotator and hits the zombie in the scull. Jason makes a bed of blankets for Whitney and hen a bunch more zombies come. Rachael is scared and runs into the woods (They have to walk 10 miles to the city anyways) Andrew chses after her. Jason picks up whitney and goes through the wall of zombies into the woods.
3. CHRISTENE wakes up and is in a carcrash and gets out of the car and a bunch of zombies attack her. One is on her and then out of nowhere TROY shoots them all and CHRISTNE gets in troy's truck and they drive away.
4. Andy and Rachael are in the woods talking and trying to get to the city before the zombies get them.
5. Jason has to kill rachael because she "died" then came back to life and Jason had to hit her with a branch.
6. Rachael and andy have to run across a thin ice on the pond whie hundreds of zombies try to get them. Jason falls in (OK, ANDY WAS IN THE WATER FOR ABOUT TWO MINUTES IF YOU TIME THE STORY WITH REAL LIF TIME... AND HE WOULD OF GONE INTO HYPERTHERMIA AND DIED... that's a little problem.) And ?Rachael makes it across and Andy makes it to land and Rachael fights off some zombies and makes a fire for jason.
7. Christene and Troy are talking. Then Christene sees her apartment and the roof is collapsed. Christene goes in and Troy sees that zombies are coming. So Troy fights off the zombies with a MACHETE, SHOTGUN, and his FISTS. And then his car blows up. They get inside and Troy, RICK, Chase and Mix come and they board up the bottom door.
8. Rachael hears a noise and goes into the woods and gets scared by JASON, who has made it. The two see smoke to the city and run up to the city and see it's destroyed. Then they hear gunshots and run down, they run into an alley where the zombies get them, Jason gets his finger bit "off"? and then they get out when Rick? gets them They Get in a Van and leave.
9. They end Up at a gas station where they get suplies and meet... VIVIAN, who is a good shooter. They leave with vivian and then they crash into a ditch soon after and zombies come up out of the mud, but no one dies. Then SADLY... Jason HAS to die. but Troy shot him in the HEART before he changed, now they shoot him in the head.
10. They get to this wearhouse where it looks like no one was. They seem safe, CHRISTENE TAKES A SHOWER, EVERYONE GETS LOOKING FOR FOOD... then Racheal and Andy start to kiss and go into the other room and see ZOMBIES ALL AROUND THE ROOM!!!! The others come in and shoot all of them.
11. The zombies start to come and they are trying to get in. And the others put forklifts agienst the doors. And the zombies break down the gate and Vivian and Rick are out there shooting when they get attacked and Vivian gets bit on the shoulders and Rick gets taken back into the crowd...and eaten. Troy dos something to the forklift and it goes by itsself and impales Rach in the stomach. And then turns to a zombie and bites Andy.
12. It's just Troy, Chase, and CHRISTENE... they go into the back room. Troy tells them he was bit on the wrist. CHASE AND CHRISTENE find a basement they go into... and troy gets devowered.
13. CHASE AND CHRISTENE are in the basement waiting to be rescued, but they know they wont...so Chase shoots CHRSTENE and then himself.......... the next day a helicopter is riding around the US looking for survivors and talking to the president.
THE END
I love the script so much. It was great.
MY CAST...
CHRISTENE--- Jessica Biel TROY--- Kurt Russel RICK--- Bruce Campbell CHASE--- Jake Gyllenhaal RACHAEL--- Monica Keena ANDY--- Tobey Maguire JASON--- Ryan Merriman VIVIAN--- Amanda Peet WHITNEY---Ali Larter
I wish Rachael didn't die, I thought it would be the 2 younger people who lived... I didn't want Vivian and Troy to die either... AND MIX!!! WHY MIX!!!!???
GREAT SCRIPT... I KNO WHAT I DID WRONG!!! THANK YOU, I'M GOING TO READ MORE HORROR SCRIPTS TO LEARN.
im so mad by the ending!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they wait this long, only to kill themselves when help is right around the corner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u r brilliant! great story, def. reading this again!