Hey Guy.  People seem to like your stuff pretty well, but for the most part you write outside the genres I usually delve into.  I've been meaning to read this one for a while -- but right up front -- I gotta tell ya' the title and logline aren't talking to me.  It sounds too conventional.  I haven't read McClung's "Abattoir" for much the same reason.

I'll keep an open mind, though.  I've purposely been avoiding the comments on this one, so if I repeat anything -- well, then maybe it's a valid point.

Comments will certainly contain SPOILERS:

*  There are "about five" in this group?  Scripts tell us specifically, not maybe.  And it's "beeline".  Willie -- the reason we're here -- demands a much better description than "odd-looking".  I wanna "see" this guy, you know?  And it's "grisly", not "grizzly" haha.  And "sheer" anger.  It may seem like I'm busting your chops here -- the introduction is pretty good -- but after five pages I've found a bunch of "non-spell check" typos.  It hurts the story.  I'm not gonna examine the whole story like this, but every writer needs a dictionary beside their desk, and they should consult it whenever there is even a shadow of doubt about their word choice.  My opinion on that, anyway.  On with the story.
*  You seem to know women, Guy.  Don't you think Rachel is letting Justin off way too easy?  I sure do. You've created good tension between these two, and you should keep it ramped up to "high" instead of resolving it.  Have her reject his proposal.  It serves the story better and makes us like Rachel better.  You will lose the sex scene, but then, you just had lesbians a minute ago, so nobody will miss it.
*  OK.  We've arrived at the slaughterhouse.  I would bet $10.00 at this point that I know who lives and who dies.  I'll let you know at the end whether or not you surprised me.
*  Wait a minute.  The freezer is cold and stocked with carcasses?  Does this place still have power?  That's kind of weird.  Why not just have 20-year-old rotting carcasses, eh?
*  And phone service, after all this time?  We're stretching things.
*  Bringing back Rachel's athleticism with jumping the gate.  Good.  Early setup and late payoff.  That's how it's supposed to be done.  But give her a better final line for Willie.  Something with more resonance.

It would be nice if we got to the slaughterhouse a bit faster, but at the same time, the pace still felt about right. You also use your setting very well, utilizing a number of different scenarios inside this mammoth building.  I didn't get bored with this location, and I thought I would.  Nice job finding new situations there.

I would again encourage you to consider having Rachel and Justin angry with one another.  Particularly since it ultimately comes down to these two.  There is a deep well of potential conflict here that you are not tapping into at all.  Exploit it, and let the struggle for survival draw them back together gradually.  Then tear them apart again.  All the more tragic.

Stoner and the Cop are wasted here. I would lose the cop (and lose calling the cops on the phone -- they give the story nothing), and use Stoner differently.  He has the wig and the fake knife, so why isn't he wandering around the slaughterhouse in a drug-induced haze trying to scare people -- adding to the confusion while being completely unaware of what is really going on?  And what happens when Stoner meets Willy?  The comic aspects Stoner brings to this story could be much stronger than they are.  My opinion, anyway.

Speaking broadly now, your writing is clean, and reads fast.  I like the style.  The action is crisp and visual.  An occasional flourish, but just the right amount.  And the format is good.  That's always a nice bonus.

I also want to add that I found very few incorrect words once I left the prologue.  Odd.  I wonder why the prologue had so many?  Seems I busted your chops on that prematurely.  Anyway, go fix the first five pages haha.  The rest is fine.

Good job, Guy.  I probably won't read any video game scripts (not my speed), but if you wander into the Horror section again, I liked this enough that I would probably check out something else.

BTW, I was surprised Stoner lived.  I thought he would be the very first to go haha.  But it's not like you are getting ten bucks or anything.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.  Lois this isn't my Batman cup" - Peter Griffin

Haha just had to put that I saw it today on Family Guy and it cracked me up.  But seriously is the writer of The Farm telling me "good job"????????

Oh yeah!

Thanks for the read bert.  I'm glad you read this.  On to your review.

I don't know what the hell was up with all those typos.  I'm usually a good speller, I don't know what I was smoking that night, but damn.  Grizzly?  Did I really type that?  Wow.  Thanks for the heads up.

I really had second thoughts about Rachel giving Justin a break.  When I first mapped out the story I had Rachel angry at Justin the whole time until the end when they were the only ones left.  I thought readers would have thought that to be "cliche" so I ditched it, but now I really should have kept that arc.  I think it would have done wonders for the characters.  Thanks for the feedback on that.

I'm glad I utilized the slaughterhouse the way I planned.  I really wanted to make it an interesting setting.  Not just some "house of horrors" that many films use nowadays.

I really wanted to use Stoner more, but I couldn't really find a way to interact him with everyone while keeping him alive.  So I kind of kept him in the background most of the time.

Thanks for the compliments on the format.  I'm getting better with each script on that.  Some people are real pissy moany about that around here so I make sure that is clean.

Anyway, you have no idea how awesome this is to have you read my script.  The Farm was a great script and having you think positive of this horror script, and it being my first one ever is really promising.

Thanks again, dude.

Ok, so maybe this is too late to reply - but, I have a question.

With the para' calling Rachel 'super-girl' and Willie's body disappearing (although, it literally would) - was the intention to suggest that Rachel would be held accountable for the crimes? Ahh, I lied, I have a second question - I was never able to fully ascertain what's  the situation vis-a-vis Willie and his state of life??

Good script, definitely an enjoyable read. I also cared for the characters, and any minor suggestions for improvements have already been touched upon.

Good work.

hey um, i just read your story, and i felt like it was a good plot, but i feel kind of like everything was rushed... I didn't like any of your characters.... idk, i feel like the lines that each of them had were rushed, and it felt very highschool, not really college. They just all acted like kids, and stuff... I just didn't like them.... But i like your concept. even though it was 97 pages, i felt like nobody really talked... if you get me. And it wa hard to actually imagine this slaughter house. To me, if you read a story you have to be able to imagine the places we are visiting in the story, and i didn't imagine anything cause it was too hard... but overall nice plot. this story has a bunch of potential.
i don't mean to sound too critical, i'm no expert.

First I would like to congratulate you on being my first review here on this site. Your so special I know lol But on with the review shall we.

1. This story from the first couple of pages already reminds me of " I know what you did last summer" so Im not sure if you have seen that movie or not but the beginning already reminds of that but u have given it your own little touch so 1 point for that.

2. On Page # 4 you said "The group rushes Willie and grabs him by his arms.  Bobby
fishes the remaining rope out of his pocket until a noose
is shown.  He wraps the noose around Willie’s neck."

My Advice: I suggest instead of the group rushing the guy grabbing him by his arms first you should say that Bobby rushes the guy by himself breaking his jaw at this very moment knocking him to the floor, kicking and stomping on him and then bobby and his friend finds a rope near by. But with further advice I would suggest another way that he should be taken out instead of hanging him on a table because the scene doesnt feel realistic or logical enough that someone would suggest this but this is not my story and I'm just here to give advice.

3. On page # 4 "Bobby’s four friends run out of the room.  Bobby jumps down
off of the table and heads into the freezer.  He picks up a
very dead Tina and walks back out in front of Willie as he
suffocates to death."

My Advice: Tina is dead and I suggest instead of bobby picking her up after they have just brutally killed a guy u should show Bobby moping a little in distress that she is obviously dead and leave her there and have Bobby friend suggest that they should live quickly pushing Bobby along so they can get out there without getting caught for the murder they just committed.

This is all I have for you right now. Will read more later.

I'm a little busy right now so I'll read the first page. I'll do a full read as soon as possible.

For your first descriptions:
“Nowhere” is a little too vague. Give something that invokes a setting. Field dessert, etc.  Nowhere invokes imagery of an empty void.

Young adult men strikes me as redundant. If you’re a man, you’re obviously an adult. Say “young men,” or “young adults.” And instead of saying there are five in the group, you can cut out fat by saying “five young adults.”

Instead of saying he’s in a hurry, say “he runs away.” Whenever you try to spell out a character’s intentions or thoughts you make the read feel very difficult. Show don’t tell. What action will convey to the reader he’s in a hurry?

The line of dialogue felt contrived the way Bobby's Friend just spell's out the suspects name. Replace "Willie Slaughter is" with something more casual like "that Slaughter guy" or just simply "he's." People don't talk in such a formal way. If you want his name to be known to the aduience, try to weave it in a way that feels a little more natural.

Reccher and VA, just so you're aware, this script is 5 years old and the writer is no longer even on the boards, meaning your feedback is falling on deaf ears.

Feel free to read and comment, but don't expect the writer to respond or care at this point.