Prom Night by Tyler King (ghostface) - Horror - Remake of the 1980 slasher flick which starred Jamie Lee Curtis. The plot is about four friends, Cecilee, Adam, Chelsea, and Will. They all make a fatal mistake and they vowl to keep it a secret... But six years later, someone knows what they did and they'll be getting revenge on the most anticipated night of their lives... 85 pages - rtf, format

Is this an update of the Prom Night remake script that was on the boards before or is this someone elses take at the Prom Night remake?
Wanted to know.


-shawn

I wrote the other "Prom Night" rewrite. I had the script taken down about a year ago. This is someone elses work and I will read in the upcoming days.

-ONEY

Hey you guys! I hope you like my own take on "Prom Night". Yeah, I was about to say that this is my own take on the remake. This is actually the first full script that I've written. Like I said, I hope you like it but I'll be glad for whatever feedback you give me! Thanks.

I noticed that some people weren't replying..let me give you a tip. If you reply to there's giving them a review they sure will review yours..i liked it and I might as well write a review as well.

Well at the beginning there was some gore..but then for a long time there wasn't. That disappointed me. As bob weinstein said "If no one dies for the next thirty pages...add a death cause usually...someone will die." I thought i might as well mention that. I couldn't find any spelling mistakes, so thats good. Your descriptions were awesome, but don't get to overboard with it..alright? The twist at the end was beautiful, there were so many twists I couldn't count. Basically i loved it...but one bad thing that kept nagging me...how come Will swears so much? Does he like addicted to swearing...lol?

Quoted from Toran I noticed that some people weren't replying..let me give you a tip. If you reply to there's giving them a review they sure will review yours..i liked it and I might as well write a review as well.

I know. I'm just hardly ever on to reply, but I'll work on that.

Quoted from Toran Well at the beginning there was some gore..but then for a long time there wasn't. That disappointed me. As bob weinstein said "If no one dies for the next thirty pages...add a death cause usually...someone will die." I thought i might as well mention that.

I can see your point, but I didn't want this to be an all out blood fest. I wanted to give it a sort of Hitchcock feel, you know? I wanted the beginning and middle to be suspenseful so you could get attatched to the characters and such. Then at the end, where they're actually at the prom, that's when they'd die off and you'd feel for them because you'd get to know them, you know?

Quoted from Toran I couldn't find any spelling mistakes, so thats good. Your descriptions were awesome, but don't get to overboard with it..alright?

It's just to give people a distinct image of what's going on.

Quoted from Toran The twist at the end was beautiful, there were so many twists I couldn't count. Basically i loved it...but one bad thing that kept nagging me...how come Will swears so much? Does he like addicted to swearing...lol?

Well Will cusses a lot because basically he's just an overall unlikeable asshole. lol I wanted him to be like this sort of rude, jocko jerk who pretty much as an anger management problem and just hates everyone. Also, thanks for the positive feedback... And negative too! I appreciate it.

Your welcome...and I am glad your following in a horror masters steps. Maybe you'll become the next hitchhock? Who knows?

I just start reading this and (being a fan of "Scream" myself) I noticed all your characters have the same last name of some character from that movie. Homage? This is quite noticable.


-shawn

SPOILAS......BELOW








The opening is okay...just wish you would describe the characters a little. It helps when trying to tell them apart.
Will is an idiot and the rest are too for being so submissive to his dumb plan. He acts like he physically pushed the guy out the window himself. He merely scared some random guy and he fell out a window..complete obvious accident. He barely had a thing to do with it and he's scared to go to the police...he freaking twelve. In the original they were more at fault cuz they scared her on purpose and cornered her. I think they should have more of a reason to be secretive.

In scene headings, EXT already tells us it's outside so you don't have to say it again.

I think you should have another name to refer to the killer as rather than "The man, the one who accidentally fell to his death out of the school window"
It's long and gets a bit repetitive.
I don't know why but this is reminding me more of "I Know what you did Last summer" rather than "Prom Night" though the stories are similar.

I liked the 'Kelly' character in the original and felt sorry for her when she died but she barely had any lines in this and I didn't really care when she got it....but then again this could be a different girl from the original like in the Carrie remake Norma who was a funny-popular red hat wearing girl in the original was a geek in the remake and all the character's attributes were given to Tina.

"Can we at least do a little
on top of the clothes stuff? - oh boy....you weren't kiddin when you talked about being a 'Scream' fan!

-uh...who's Jason again?

Poor amber...it must suck to be pinned to a chalkboard. lol!
You 'have' to have an EPIC stalk sequence in this. I think that huge chase scene to Prom Night is like the dinner table scene in Texas chainsaw. You just have to have it!

Still reading....


Um....How do you decapitate an arm? Decapitate is to cut off the "head" of something. But i get your point...it just sounded weird.

Okay, I was rooting for chelsea(though i know shes going to die) but that completely went away when she decided to jump into the pool.

That stalk sequence was cool. i liked it. But the resulting death earns the killer a 0 in creativity points (I sound like a psycho, i know lol)

Mrs. Lauren Tate!*Cough*The faculty*Cough. I'd assume you're a big fan of Kevin Williamson's stuff. Tate's better than Tingle, I guess.

MRS. TATE
The 2006 Prom King and Prom
Queen are... Adam Gale and
Cecilee Campbell!

How perfect!!!!

Lol....i picture the d.j. as being played by some famous rapper. That'd be funny.

I think you should definately introduce miss tate earlier. We don't even know who this woman is...she just came out of nowhere.

And the Mrs. The whole killer "Why I Did It" Monologue it kinda outdated I think you should shorten it....there's no need to tell the backstory of the dead guy(the suicide thing)...once you get the initial idea "They killed her husband" that's all you really need.

DEPUTY STEVE STONE - you've gone a bit overboard with the Scream names.


I'll have to admit that you fooled me with the very end but as I was reading the pages these words entered my head:
"I WON'T LET ANYONE COME BETWEEN US ANYMORE"
"I WON'T LET ANYONE COME BETWEEN US ANYMORE"
"I WON'T LET ANYONE COME BETWEEN US ANYMORE"
"I WON'T LET ANYONE COME BETWEEN US ANYMORE"
If you didn't realize....that's what the insane girl said over and over and over and over again at the end of High Tension. This ending brought me back to that. It works for the BETTER here though.


I thought this was an okay redo. I think it was lacking something. It was like you cut a hole in the original Prom Night and filled it up with references to Kevin Williamson movies. I enjoyed myself though. Not the worst and not the best. Hey...if you can, track down a script on this site called "HOMECOMING". I think you'll like it. It's a slasher. Hope this helps


-Shawn

Quoted from Shawnkjr SPOILAS......BELOW The opening is okay...just wish you would describe the characters a little. It helps when trying to tell them apart. Will is an idiot and the rest are too for being so submissive to his dumb plan. He acts like he physically pushed the guy out the window himself. He merely scared some random guy and he fell out a window..complete obvious accident. He barely had a thing to do with it and he's scared to go to the police...he freaking twelve. In the original they were more at fault cuz they scared her on purpose and cornered her. I think they should have more of a reason to be secretive. In scene headings, EXT already tells us it's outside so you don't have to say it again. I think you should have another name to refer to the killer as rather than "The man, the one who accidentally fell to his death out of the school window" It's long and gets a bit repetitive. I don't know why but this is reminding me more of "I Know what you did Last summer" rather than "Prom Night" though the stories are similar. I liked the 'Kelly' character in the original and felt sorry for her when she died but she barely had any lines in this and I didn't really care when she got it....but then again this could be a different girl from the original like in the Carrie remake Norma who was a funny-popular red hat wearing girl in the original was a geek in the remake and all the character's attributes were given to Tina. "Can we at least do a little on top of the clothes stuff? - oh boy....you weren't kiddin when you talked about being a 'Scream' fan! -uh...who's Jason again? Poor amber...it must suck to be pinned to a chalkboard. lol! You 'have' to have an EPIC stalk sequence in this. I think that huge chase scene to Prom Night is like the dinner table scene in Texas chainsaw. You just have to have it! Still reading.... Um....How do you decapitate an arm? Decapitate is to cut off the "head" of something. But i get your point...it just sounded weird. Okay, I was rooting for chelsea(though i know shes going to die) but that completely went away when she decided to jump into the pool. That stalk sequence was cool. i liked it. But the resulting death earns the killer a 0 in creativity points (I sound like a psycho, i know lol) Mrs. Lauren Tate!*Cough*The faculty*Cough. I'd assume you're a big fan of Kevin Williamson's stuff. Tate's better than Tingle, I guess. MRS. TATE The 2006 Prom King and Prom Queen are... Adam Gale and Cecilee Campbell! How perfect!!!! Lol....i picture the d.j. as being played by some famous rapper. That'd be funny. I think you should definately introduce miss tate earlier. We don't even know who this woman is...she just came out of nowhere. And the Mrs. The whole killer "Why I Did It" Monologue it kinda outdated I think you should shorten it....there's no need to tell the backstory of the dead guy(the suicide thing)...once you get the initial idea "They killed her husband" that's all you really need. DEPUTY STEVE STONE - you've gone a bit overboard with the Scream names. I'll have to admit that you fooled me with the very end but as I was reading the pages these words entered my head: "I WON'T LET ANYONE COME BETWEEN US ANYMORE" "I WON'T LET ANYONE COME BETWEEN US ANYMORE" "I WON'T LET ANYONE COME BETWEEN US ANYMORE" "I WON'T LET ANYONE COME BETWEEN US ANYMORE" If you didn't realize....that's what the insane girl said over and over and over and over again at the end of High Tension. This ending brought me back to that. It works for the BETTER here though. I thought this was an okay redo. I think it was lacking something. It was like you cut a hole in the original Prom Night and filled it up with references to Kevin Williamson movies. I enjoyed myself though. Not the worst and not the best. Hey...if you can, track down a script on this site called "HOMECOMING". I think you'll like it. It's a slasher. Hope this helps -Shawn

Thanks for taking the time to reply! I appreciate it a lot! Anyway, I know this script isn't the best, but I'm only 16 and this is actually the first full script that I've written. Like I said, though, I appreciate your comments. I'll definately pick up on my mistakes and try to make my next script better, which will be "Saw IV".

Hey Ghostface, extremely valiant effort, especially for a 16 year old.  I am a screenwriter myself, and was not writing to this degree at that age.  

Here are a few notes to take into consideration for revisions:
*Your script may be 85 pages rich text format, but it's only about 64 minutes long, so it's not yet long enough to be a full-length feature.  You might think about purchasing Final Draft in order to better gauge your running time.  I suggest you extend the entire prom scene...the deaths (outside Amber and Chelsea) happen too quickly, and one death scene happens right after the other...give us some down time before you throw us into the next death scene.
*Although after a couple scenes here and there I had an idea of who the characters are, you might better broadly define their voices.  First off, a physical description should be introduced with the character...the description should be brief (typically hair colors don't do, so give us more...something that gives us a picture of who we are supposed to be seeing.)
*Definitely a lot of homages to Williamson flicks.  A little postmodern thrown in here or there that I'm not sure works entirely...the lines she and Tate spout back and forth about "heroines" and "killers" are funny, but they are off with the tone of your film...if you are going to go down the self-referential themes route, make sure we get mentions of this before the climax.
*I agree with Shawn about Will and the guy falling out...they would know it was an accident...they should somehow play a more intricate part in the man's accidental death.
**Minor spoilers ahead if you haven't read the script**The twists are good but hard to swallow...first off, if you're going to involve Lauren Tate, she needs to be introduced earlier in the script, not just as a convenience near the end (I understand she announced king and queen, but I mean she should be introduced WAY before then, even).  Second, would the doctor really tell the other doctor "They accidentally killed a man..."?  Wouldn't these doctors have found out via medical records and such that the man who fell out the window was Cecilee's father?  And wouldn't Cecilee have asked her mom at some point over the last six years where her father was?  Wouldn't her friends have wondered where her father disappeared to?  The mother being the culprit comes out of left field...nothing in the script foreshadows that she is anything but a regular ol' June Cleaver...we need to see something that makes us go, "Oh shit, I should have seen that coming!"...otherwise, we as the audience simply feel more like we've been slapped in the face and forced into an unfathomable suspension of disbelief.

That said, there are a few things in this script that work.  There are some good one-liners, the scene with Chelsea works well (until she jumps in the pool), and in general your script has a good heart.  I can see you put yourself into your work, and that is the biggest achievement an aspiring screenwriter can do.  Keep up the good work, get Final Draft and remember...if you are going to post your scripts up on the net for anyone to see, be sure and purchase copyrights on everything you do through the Writer's Guild of America to protect your works!  

Thank you for the replies. I'm terribly sorry that I haven't been on lately but my Internet has been shut off for a few months. It's finally back on, though, so I'll try and post here more.

In retrospect...this is most likely better than the upcoming remake that has absolutely nothing to do with the original. It's a PG-13er about a teen girl being stalked by her teacher who is in love with her and goes crazy at the end.

Are you planning on doing a rewrite. Are you working on anything new?


-SHAWN

Prom Night
By
Tyler King

These were notes taken as I read, so I’m delve right into it…

I think the possibility that the sound could be cops should be brought up to keep the anticipation that they maybe caught and in trouble. After the man’s death, when Chelsea runs she makes into another room before she’s stopped by Will and others follow suite. Outside of the window on the other side of the building cops are out there, before we had the anticipation of them being caught as trespassers and now with the dead man the suspense of them being caught is magnified. Also the conversation has more tension should read quicker cause they have a quick decision to make, which can lead to irrational actions, like not going to the cops. After they swear not say anything they mention, “how are they going to get out” before the cops come in or see the body. But seeing as how you probably don’t want the scene any longer the cops can just leave and the kids a breath sigh of relief, for now.

I think after establishing that both Will and Amber relationships are over or on the rocks cause one another that we see them interact, so we can get a sense of this “friendship” and it adds anticipation cause we know how Becca feels and what would happen if she caught them after the blowup at Will’s locker, keep you audience wondering about something that could or may happen that’s how you create a page turner where the audience wants to keep reading to find out what happens. Same with Cecile we know Adams wants to take her out so any conversation she has with her current date/boyfriend would have that underlining it. I would like to see them interact a little. And you can end the conversation with Cecile boyfriend saying what’s wrong, cut to the end of the day were she approaches Adam.

I think Becca should mention in her defense “did her name show up in his phone, cause it would if she called”.

I think you should switch it up some by the third call which is Adam and have him miss the call, so we never know if it was the “Strange Voice” and find out late in some shocking revelation down the road. Or when he answers the audience assumes it’s the “Strange Voice”, but its just Cecile and this would really be the perfect moment to reveal that she willing to give it a shot with him if Prom goes smoothly. Also it may ruin any anticipation that one of the original four is behind these callings if we see each one receive a phone call.

CECILEE
Justin Wade.

AMBER
Your boyfriend?

CECILEE
Not anymore.

AMBER
Why in the hell did you break
up with him?

CECILEE
Because I have a new date.

AMBER
Who?

CECILEE
Adam Gale.

AMBER
Your boyfriend?

CECILEE
(smiling)
What's wrong with that?

I like this cause it can mean two things that Amber isn’t over the shock of the first bit of news of Cecile pimpin out Justin to her, second Ambers heard so much about Adam from Cecile that she knew that Cecile was never really over Adam and has always had a claim on him.
The tone of the first “Your Boyfriend” (your ex, really?), the second “Your Boyfriend” (oh, your real boyfriend, the boy you’ve always been in love with)

I think there should be some sort of montage narrative description to let us know that prom is upon us rather then Cecile’s mom walking in an announcing it.

I hate that Will brings up the fact that isn’t a horror movie. A wink at the camera.

That first kill scene is a hoot, I don’t know whether to be frighten or laughing.

You know I never understood why in horror or many other genres for that matter always make the other guy a jerk, then one has to ask why did our hero, in this instant Cecile see in him in the first place that she dated him. All I have to say is Victor Laszlo.

Now this is great stuff. First you established there wasn’t a lock on the door in a genuine concern that they may get caught, so there’s the reason for mentioning the door has no lock they may get caught, but then after the death of Kyle, and the Killer about to strike Chelsea, rather her running down the hall, she occupies the storage room, and surprise you bring back the fact that’s there’s no lock on the door in a new and even more dangerous way then embarrassment and detention, with you may get killed for it. You should study what this part of your story and mull over how you came to the decision of having it play out this way and duplicate that surprise through out the script, and creating bigger gaps between “no lock = embarrassment”, “no lock = death”. This is textbook and makes reading the script worthwhile that you have your finger on a pulse; I must admit I was worried a little…

With what I think is little narrative description cause of the prose you’ve written in is “telling” the story not “showing it”. But it does read fast, so addition by subtraction. I wasn’t to concern on originality or plot cause it’s a remake movie, but still you can tell if a writer can bring suspense, anticipation, surprise to the table every time he writes, so I focused on that. Where it showed up, could of up, etc…

Not is it shocking that Adam and Cecile won, but that Will and Becca were so upset they leave saying Prom was a waste even though between the four of them I had no idea winning King and Queen meant so much, they say nothing about  making it look completely contrived. I mean these two just decided to marry and then they win, out of left field to me. Let somebody else win or some one has mention how good winning would be.

I’m not going to go into who the killer is or the motive.

One last thought… I think that the group should return to the old school when they were twelve, its just more epic. A clean getaway for this to transpire is that its been six years from twelve to eighteen plenty of time to fix up that old school, into the new high school for next, but before the ’06 class leaves the Class President wins a ballot cast to allow them to have their prom in the new school before they all leave. Of course this should be announced early so there’s time to get a reaction and dread of Cecile, Adam, Will, and Chelsea.

Thanks for the read, Busy Little Bee.