The Scary Man by Eric Dickson - Horror - A rebelious high school girl on restriction is forced to babysit a murder witness while her ex cop father investigates the crime, only to have the killer follow the detective home. - pdf, format

-Great first page – caught my attention
-Good use of paragraph breaks – none too long, none go over five lines.  I can't stress how much I hate enormous paragraphs.
-You used Final Draft, yes?  Don't use the format that inserts "CONTINUE" on the tops and bottoms of pages.  These are no longer used in scripts.
-Don't use transitions like "CUT TO", as these are only put into shooting scripts by the director and editor.
-Jake's Friend should get a name right away.
-You always need to indicate whether it's day or night in your slugline (unless it's continuous).
-There are some parts that are overwritten.  You get into "novel-writing" territory.  For example, "Her eyes remain shut, scared he will pop one of them out with his weapon."  You should only describe what she does, not why she does it, because the 'why' part is going on inside her head.  Does that make sense?  Also, you don't need to say that Jake is getting up for a drink if the next scene you show is of him getting a drink.

This was re-named Dark Games and was filmed last October.  This is only the first draft of this thing and is pretty rough to say the least.  I'll try to get the final draft up in a few days.  

Congrats! got any clips up from the movie?

Quoted from JD_OK Congrats! got any clips up from the movie?

No, not yet.  We wrapped in November and the director is still doing re-shoots, trying to shoot an ending that works.  It's been a real struggle.  You can check it on imdb.  It lists us as post-production, but the movie is actually done, minus a new ending.  

Thanks for your support.

Eric