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Ladies and gents, this stupid thing needs a title. In a nutshell, it's about an engaged couple and the bride's brother going to the groom's parent's summer home in the middle of no where. They get attacked by an infected dog who bites the groom's leg. The groom then slowly changes into a wicked, nasty creature as they all freak out about it.
I'm open to any suggestions anyone might have on a cool-sounding title.
Kinda sounds like a mix of Cujo and Splinter. For the title, what about something like, uh... "Mongrel"? Too on the nose?
"Bad Dog" "Fangs" "Inhuman." "Monstrosity."
With that Canis suggestion, I actually used that in my Trail of the Wolf script for Babz. Guy called the werewolf a Canis diabolicus. That script was completely tongue in cheek, though. Haven't read this one yet, so I don't know what tone you have.
Thanks for your comments on my post, they were helpful. It's been an informative and fun couple of weeks here on SimplyScripts.
I wonder where you are on this property? Is this just a title search thread now or is the script still in the revision stage? If revisions are still possible, I'll gladly share notes and thoughts.
For now, I'll submit my idea for a title.
"Animal Control"
It serves a double meaning and alludes to the inhibitions in all of us that get unleashed during extraordinary circumstances. There you have it.
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I'm still open to suggestions on tweaking it until I get word to send something. Word has not yet come. Hence, the comments are still wide open. In that spirit, I just uploaded a revision.
And as for the title suggestions, be assured I'm listening. Thanks all for them.
Gah, I just finished reading the previous incarnation with story credits. My notes will reflect that draft of your story.
The comments here suggest there are many stipulations behind this script. I will try to avoid commenting on things involving these various restrictions. I will also do my best to stay away from vague notes. I'll go through page cited examples then try my best to sum everything up, here goes.
That being said, I like the premise of transformation and animal instincts here. The conflict between human repression and animal lust are fertile ground. I would like to see a lot more of those themes explored in this material. I think this is a fantastic effort for the time allotted, here are my thoughts:
p. 12 The sneaky ex-smoker. Why is that such a big secret? Where's the payoff? Did I miss the return of that repressed vice in the story? If so, my bad.
p. 18 The dog attack. I don't buy it. Mike is a veterinarian in training. I was a vet tech for 5 years. The first thing they teach you is NEVER turn your back on a challenging animal. I can see Emma panicking and Mike paying the price to defend her though. Could lead to juicy post incident tension between the happy couple with that scenario.
p. 24 The secret guitar playing. Ethan sounds 14 to me here, not 24. Is he really that repressed? It sticks out to me, I didn't feel it was necessary.
p. 28 Aborted advances from Emma. I prefer impotence over abstinence here. It makes more sense to me the emotional scars of childhood would cause that.
p. 50 Ethan is a real jerk to Sam. Why? I'm ready for him to die now.
p. 58 Second aborted sex scene. Impotency versus abstinence is stronger here too. This where the animal breaks through that, Emma doesn't recognize the lust at first. She stops him, but its too late. Wham. Bam. Thank you, sequel.
p. 72 The creature recognizes Mike as a kindred. So, it spares his life, right? Mike still thinks like a human. Why doesn't he drive down the road and call the cops? If I am missing a bit of logic here, I apologize.
p. 82 I like the duality of the dog kept in the basement, very nice touch.
p. 98 If memory serves, this deal is a tight production. Two critters on screen at once. Given that, this scene doubles your creature effects budget. Does it need it?
Ending. Repressed son now tragic victim never gets a shot at monstrous father. I want to see poor Mike take a shot at dear old dad before departing this world. That's a juicy scene I want to read, face to face, monster to monster. Endgame. Evil dad still wins but you have a half breed bun in the oven for a sequel.
I really love the concepts you're playing with here... Repression, regrets, sexual tension, animal lust, emotional predators and victims. This is all great stuff and I can't wait to see more of it!
Thanks so much for posting the read.
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Electric Dreamer, thanks for the comments. Especially the bit on the dog attack. That first hand stuff is gold. You've caught onto some stuff that are purely character moments and possibly those that don't really pay off. However, if you look at Emma, you'll see that while the smoking bit doesn't necessarily payoff as smoking, it goes with her backstory without talking about it. She smoked. She's been around more than once. She's had a lot of boyfriends (hinted when Ethan says "one of your-" and she nods). Her brother contrasts her by being the "good son." A lot of siblings actually do this. The older one goes down a path of destruction while the younger tries to show how good they are, and in doing so, goes to the other extreme.
Why doesn't Mike leave? Well, for what it's worth, I just didn't think of it, and it's possible that in the heat of that moment, they might not either. But it might also be worth mentioning that even if they did, the creature might come after the others. Perhaps a conversation that needs to be worked in there.
I do kind of like the impotence versus abstinence. It would enhance Emma's insecurity over their relationship. It becomes worse than he can but he chooses not to. It works into "he can't get it up, and is it my fault?" It won't matter the real reason; women make stuff their fault (been married for eleven years, folks, I'm not just being sexist here). The lust scene would also allow for that R-rated tit shot everyone wants out of it, I suppose. Oh come on, you knew its absence was disappointing you.
An irony with Mike is that the "good father" is the one that ultimately kills him (albeit indirectly). Can't really work out how Mike would have a showdown with Dad since he doesn't know the dad that caused all the problems. Perhaps anoher thing I'll think about.
The lust scene would also allow for that R-rated tit shot everyone wants out of it, I suppose. Oh come on, you knew its absence was disappointing you.
An irony with Mike is that the "good father" is the one that ultimately kills him (albeit indirectly). Can't really work out how Mike would have a showdown with Dad since he doesn't know the dad that caused all the problems. Perhaps anoher thing I'll think about.
Great comments though. Thanks a lot.
Action with consequences is always more interesting to me than an aborted set up. In this case, breasts and a built in sequel are the gravy.
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