Can someone explain the US rating system?

In the Uk we have U...which means Universal...for everybody.

PG Parental Guidance...anyone can go, but there may be some dark scenes some parents may feel are unsuitable for very young children.

12. 12A. Means someone younger than 12 can't go without an adult.

15.

18. Presumably what R rated is?

R18...special category for violent, abusive porn, or porn that may encourage paedophilia..eg role play with adults as children.

Since 1990, the MPAA movie ratings have been as follows:

G- General Audiences
    All ages admitted
    (1968–present)

PG- Parental Guidance Suggested
    Some material may not be suitable for children
    (1978–present; between 1972 and 1977, the word "children" instead read "pre-teenagers.")


PG-13- Parents Strongly Cautioned
    Some material may be inappropriate for children under 13
    (1984–present)

R- Restricted
    Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian
    (1970–present; during 1968 and 1969, the designated age was 16)

NC-17- No One 17 and Under Admitted
    (1996–present; between 1990 and 1996, the wording was "No Children Under 17 Admitted")

     

If a film is not submitted for rating, the label NR (Not Rated) or UR (Unrated) is often used. Many older films have the label NR or UR, but merely because a film is labelled NR or UR does not always mean that it is suitable for children.

Interesting.

I find it quite odd that Hostel is only R rated.

What kind of films have made NC 17?

I'm pretty sure the remake of "I spit on your Grave" was NC17.  You could most likely do a google search as well.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films Interesting. I find it quite odd that Hostel is only R rated. What kind of films have made NC 17?

NC-17 typically gets dragged out for sexually explicit films.
For instance, the new McQueen/Fassbender collab is a tale of sexual addiction.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1723811/

E.D.

**SMALL SPOILERS***

"This script, for the most part, walks the line of pg 13."

Um - agree and disagree on this one, Kev!  Until the final acts, I'd agree.  But the ending conflict?  By *no means* would I consider it PG 13!  Unlike some of the other reviewers, I really don't have a problem with the kid getting killed.  Considered it no worse than a million other scenes in produced horror films that can get brutal at times...  I'm a little surprised that some have a problem with it (though I respect their right to set their own limits...)

I do agree - you'll have to address the issue as to why Kara didn't simply call the cops when she couldn't get through to her family.  Though she could do both - call the cops, and then race home anyway...  No reason that both actions wouldn't be appropriate...  (Once the cops arrived, they'd find nothing was wrong and simply leave...)

Yeah, I had not thought of it until Ryan pointed it out. Have to come up with something. She would call 911, which would get her Boston police. Then she would have to explain to them that she saw an intruder on Skype at her home in Groton, Ma. They would then have to contact Groton police. Obviously I can't show show all that on film.

I could have her call the police after she calls Marcus, but only show the beginning of the call. The problem with this is, what would be her first reaction? Call the police, or call for a ride? So it's a problem.

Another issue is why her mother doesn't call her back. It's already a little of a surprise, but certainly it would be hard to explain that after the cops show up.

Actually, I don't think it needs to be complicated or overly explained.  Kara calls the MA police, gives them the information.  But she refuses to wait to find out the results second hand - and calls Marcus to get a ride.  She figures, her family's going to need her., either way.  As for her mother not calling back...she's kind of busy - after all, the cops just knocked on her door!  

Once the power to the computer and phone shut off, I assumed the entity had done it.  You write that "The screen goes black. DIAL TONE on the phone."  Combine that with the fact that Kara saw a figure moving through the room, and I think that's definitely sufficient reason for Kara to call 911.  When she calls, just have her tell the skeptical 911 dispatcher that she saw an intruder in the room.

What you might want to do is have the power to the computer go out after the figure looks into the webcam, and then have Kara try to call her mother and get voicemail.  That way you don't have to worry about the mother not returning the call.

Also, one of the problems I had with that sequence was how long it took for them to get to the house, which was right around page 30.  The reason mainly being because Marcus has to jump on the train, meet James and have his flashback.  I'd consider moving that flashback forward in the movie, like before Marcus enters the party at the apartment.  The beheading was a cool scene and would help to break up all that dialogue in there.

After Willy stabbed himself in the eye it seemed like a non event.

The lab, and the lizard, feels like a genre change. The whole tap at the window is a spooky kind of thing and the lizard is science.

Kara and Father Conner, the after us thing. Not fitting. Not consistent, this "after us" that science can not explain. It's like an after thought in her life that comes forward as the main thrust here. Like, she first realizes now but there is no set up or chase for me to think something is after her.

All this weird stuff is happening to Kara but she is not freaking out about any of it. She is not like wtf? The best example I can think of are the soldiers in the first Transformers that see and record the Transformer that destroys the base and then battle the transformer scorpion in the desert (one of the coolest scenes in movies). They are trained soldiers that have discipline in the face of danger and battle. So it's set up, but they still freak out in their own way and it's shown. Kara sees stuff that is way weirder happen and she keeps on keeping on with nary a thought about it.

Okay, the conversation between Kara and Conner is where this breaks down for me. Explaining way too much? The whole science thing being explained.

The beginning 49 pages are different than what follows.

George buys a round of beers? In the wake of what is happening, they pause to drink beer?

Done.

I have to think about this since I read it in two sittings with days between.

It's disjointed for some reason.

It's like the beginning could have been cut out and I wouldn't have missed much.

I see what you mean about how you've written Melissa in and how Kara is true to her word and saves her.

Willy stabbing himself in the eye could be lost.

I think I might have to skim back over to get a whole feel for it. However, I've broke like this in scripts before and haven't lost a beat. I think it's a story issue for me.

I don't really care too much about any of the characters because the story seems to be more about the event more than about how the characters go through the event.

Have to think on it some more.

Wonka: yeah, agree, and that's what I meant, though poorly worded. A good chunk of the script is pg13 ish, but a few scenes are definitely not. So as it stands, it could not be pg 13 unless I removed those scenes.

Thanks for jumping back Ryan and Clorox.

Clorox, I did enter this as "sci fi horror", so it is both genres. This was kind of the first story I wrote when I began writing about a year ago, but it's a rewritten version. Melissa was not a character in the original, but I brought her in to try to add some more horror. That might be part of what disjoints it. Could be other things too.

It was definitely not a character piece, To be honest, I was thinking in many ways about creating some trailer scenes that might attract a low budget producer and trying to string them together.

As far as Kara freaking out, has that much happened to her for her to freak out? With the baby scene, she does freak out. But not much freaky happens to her, except the retarded kid stabbing himself. She freaks, though I cut away from the scene. Should she remain in a freaked out state, though? It's more about she is determined to get to the bottom of this and fight back.

The bar was just a place to meet and plan. Getting a round of beers was not a party but just something you do in bars. I ran bars for 20 years, and this is natural for many people. The bar is a hub, a meeting place before important activities. When there, people get beers. Remember, they don't know what James is doing to Marcus. They need time to get in touch with other people to help and come up with what to do.

But I appreciate the read, guys, really do.

Hi Kev,

As promised, I'm going to do my best to check this out. I'll post in chunks, rather than just do one long review, dealing with things as they occur to me.

Initial impression based on title and logline.

Title. OK in of itself, but doesn't give me a sense of either the specific story as suggested by the logline, or a sense that this is a dark, scary story.

The title seems more at home in the adolescent horror genre. As a matter of fact I can picture it on a bookshelf...luminous green writing, with a goblin face at a window.

That's the kind of thing it evokes in me.

Suggestion: Endangered Species.

This works in two ways...the almost extinct antagonists OR the humans who are about to come under threat.

I like the premise/logline. It has a bit of everything. Mystery, suspense, irony, threat to humanity.


On to the script.

EDIT: This is going to come across as incredibly harsh, just to warn you. I think there's a lot of good stuff in the script, some inventive scenes, some good writing, but I found it very incohesive. Funnily enough, it was quite an easy read, despite that. There's the heart of a good story in there, I just think you need to find what it is you're really trying to say....and when I say good story, I mean one that could be a strong, produced film.

Small point:

Sabre Toothed "Tiger" (Smilodon) fossils have been found in North America and South America.

There are other species of Sabre Toothed Cat that lived in Africa.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saber-toothed_cat

Each one lived in a different time-line and became extinct at different times.

This may seem petty, but it's your opening scene and you're about to try and incorporate a new species in human history (I'm presuming from the log line and opening scene). That being the case, I think it's important that you get the species right...in the absence of SUPERS telling us where and when we are, it's also important because it places us in the historical setting.

Other than that, I quite like the opening scene. I am wondering whether we would want to see more of whatever it is that's causing the terror. I don't mean see it straight out, but maybe something coming through the undergrowth, or just some scary eyes coming out of the darkness.

We then go to a strange scene with what seem to be modern day Arabs. It doesn't seem to lead either thematically, or logically on from the opening scene.

We then jump to another place...this time 18 years in the past. This scene is nicely written. I particularly like the "secret words" thing and you've set up a nice conflict between faith and reason, and between mother and father.

Another jump to the present day. There appears to be no way of knowing that this is still the same girl. There's no visible transition, and no SUPER telling us it's the present day.

It's a bit confusing.

At this point we go into some hardcore exposition about just about everything...who Marcus is, and his traumatic background, a spate of scizopherinc cases in the area, a rehash of Kara's "Tap at the Window" problem. Feels like you're just trying to throw everything out there at once.

Almost all of it is not revisited for pages and pages, if at all. Why are the likes of Justin, Bonnie and David even in this thing? They don't seem to ever reappear....

We've spoken about exposition before, and how it's required for certain genres. It just is. Watch Minority Report by Spielberg and there isn't a single line of dialogue that isn't pure exposition.

The problem here is that people are talking about stuff that isn't even on the screen. People watch films, they don't listen to them. It's fine to explain what we're watching....maybe a later experiment and what those weird graphs mean, for instance...but when you're giving us lots of info. about characters we've never even seen then there's a problem. The audience will simply ignore it because they haven't got a frame of reference.

For instance...let's say we meet Marcus in the lab. Someone tries to speak to him...he's a bit weird. You see a conversation between Kara and the other, with Marcus in the background.
"What's his problem?" Kara: "That's Marcus, go easy on him OK?  He's a genius, but he's got something of a...past".

That's not perfect, by any means, but it allows you to explain a situation whilst the situation can be seen and understood by the audience.

Of course, you can just suggest these things. when someone in the lab asks Marcus about his past...he just says "I don't like to talk about it". Something like that tells us he's got a secret. It creates a mystery without having to explain it.

Think about your transitions as well. Kara is still talking about the tapping at the window. You have the perfect opportunity to transition directly from the previous scene into this one by having the same thing happen to her...this instantly allows us to transition between the time frames..telling us it's the same girl, and cuts out the need to tell us that it's still happening.

Not liking the Ouija board thing. Not only very old hat, but seemingly out of place. Seems these people are scientists, yet they've got the ouija board? It seems like a very weird mix. I was expecting these young researchers to be finding stuff out through research, but instead it's through the occult.

From page 11 onwards things start getting more interesting.

It feels like a different script though. This could be page one of the story. Why have all that exposition, and all that hinting of something just to outright reveal these sinister beings are already around and others are aware of them?

The next scene is very effective by itself with Melissa. I'm very confused by the story at this point though. Here we meet a new character for the first time, find she's going through what Kara went through.

It's scary, it's good...but I'm completely lost. There's no throughline to be found in any scene. We keep getting introduced to different characters and then things happen to even newer characters.

P18.

Marcus says: Kara, everything's riding on this
experiment. Everything we've worked
for.

We've seen Kara as a child. We've seen her in two flats. At no point has she ever been seen working on an experiment. It was only briefly mentioned once. For something so important this seems bizarre.

The logline is very succint. "Two young researchers, determined to bring back recently extinct species, discover humanity is threatened by ancient entities planning their own return".

But it doesn't appear to have much to do with the story. They don't really "discover" it in any way. They're sort of vaguely becoming involved it, whilst other people (and even the audience to some degree) know what's going on.

They could be actors, or bin men or politicians and it wouldn't impact on what's happened so far.

There is an implicit irony in the logline that doesn't seem to have made it into the story so far...that they are trying to find a way to revive/save endgangered/extinct species and in doing so they awaken a threat to humanity itself.

Why aren't we seeing their research?

P19. Seems odd that he's willing to abandon the experiment (thus realising how important the situation is), just to fall asleep.

You then pick the strangest time to go to a flashback about Marcus' past. At the point you've cranked up the tension about the sister, you jump out to focus on yet another character.

Then back to Kara briefly. Then yet another deviation to Father Conner and more new characters...

Then we have incredibly long talking scenes before we finally get back to Melissa. By the time we get there it's been about 16 minutes. I couldn't care less what's happened to her at this point. Not sure most people would even remember who she was.

At this point, I'm backing out for a little bit.

Like I said earlier, I do think this is a good concept, and there's a lot I like within the body of the work. I'm just not following the logic of it.

The vast majority of films tend to be incredibly simple. We follow people on a simple journey from one scene to the next scene which grew organically from the last.  This just seems to be unneccessarily complicated, too many time lines, too many people.

Seems to be crying out for a simple story whereby they are at the lab, finding out new ways to restore species, weird stuff starts happening, they discover they're linked, there are a few shadowy characters seemingly trying to influence the experiments, a breakthrough in the lab leads them to meet Father Conner..etc. Just a simple, strong throughline that you can hang the action on.

From my own POV it would go something like this: Opening scene in North America (not Africa). Next scene North America in the present day...ie linking the first shot with the present...the exact same place, just in a different time. This creates a sense of foreboding....the past is about to affect the future. (All the best films the opening shot tells the whole story...ypu just don't realise it at the time).

Kara reading a tale about Prehistory to her DAUGHTER Melissa...consistent with the story, Kara's character, the theme and the opening shot. Tells her the secret words, and that there's nothing to be scared of and how everything has an explanation. (Same scene you have, just different characters). Then see Kara in bed with window tapping and her holding the rosary...establishes everything in much shorter time....that she's going through the same thing and doesn't quite believe what she's telling Melissa herself. Next scene is in the lab where we find out about their work and meet Marcus and JAMES...who can be the Head of Operations in the Lab and is secretly guiding their work...as we find out later.

This is just a quick example, but would this kind of thing help to condense the story and keep it more centred? You can cut out numerous characters and a few scenes and not lose anything. It's certainly the way I would play it, but that's not necessarily the right way.


Another couple of drafts should knock this into a better shape. It's definitely got real potential.

Rick.

Excellent remarks, Rick, and thank you. Convincing on all or most points.

I guess several things led to problems in this draft. First, of course, is my own talent limitation. Another issue is that this was a rewrite of what was one of my first scripts, written before I had found SS and developed at least a little clue. For the rewrite, I decided to pretty much start over keeping many of the same characters, the premise, and some scenes. But this led to a poor concoction, perhaps. Bonnie, Justin, and David had much larger roles in the original. I just couldn't find the space for them here.

Melissa was created for the second draft with the goal of adding more horror scenes.

Other issues could be trying to blend sci fi with horror, or at least that type of horror.

Thanks for pointing that out about the saber tooth. I just have to find another extinct cat people will recognize. It does have to be Africa, however. The gist of the story is that there was once a species of predator, long before man, that dominated the planet, but was wiped out by a natural disaster. From the spiritual plane, it plots to return in physical form. Over time, the stronger of the entities learn how to possess, but the real goal is bringing back their own kind. The recognized a way to do this in the intelligent apes they found in the jungles of Africa, apes which had one thing they needed in a species: hands.

So the entities terrified and guided the apes, molding them into a civilization that would one day develop the technology to bring about their return. They've been with us guiding, and terrorizing, us all along.

I don't know if that's a good idea or not, but I do know that it creates the problem of exposition. The African scene shows them being spooked from the jungle, and the second scene shows an early civilization which they influenced. While they are guiding us, there is also an evil inherent in what they do, and this recalled by the Bedouin in their own legends. They avoid the buried city.

I could go the research route, as you suggest. But I do fear that would require even more exposition, so I don't know.

Thanks man! Appreciate the help!

I took very detailed notes on this (21 pages!) and sent them directly to Kevin, as I was a bit worried by the harsh tone that it should remain something that only Kevin sees.

Rick, Ryan, and Clorox have already brought up many issues that I did, and in times, using the exact same words to describe the issues that I did, so if nothing else, I feel a bit better about what I said.

I also want to agree that there are many positives in the script, especially early on.

Kevin gives alot of reads and support here on SS, so hopefully, he'll get that back here with his own work.

I get the non-character element, I thought about that. The point isn't to fall in love with these characters, it's to be frightened out of your seat.

I got an overall thought...

We can't really beat these guys except for Conner's ritual (why didn't Conner devine Melissa?) and a shot to the head (if they are in a human body, are they really dead or just on the other side waiting for another body?). So the protags are defenseless and as a result there is no battle between the good guys and the bad guys. They have not figured out how to defeat the creatures or really figured who the creatures are. But Conner has known from the beginning and he has not trained Marcus or Kara in ways they can win. The end shows that the creatures are not defeated, they've just withdrawn but I don't see why. Maybe I missed it.

I think if Kara and Marcus had some battle time, I would be more interested. They don't fight which makes them passive. I like Conner, he's the muscle, but maybe it would be cool if he could mentor someone to wave a figurine around? Maybe Kara? She could save Marcus?

There are these predators on the other side, the spirit side, but that's all that lies over there on the other side? We aren't over there after we pass? There is only evil, these predators on the other side?

However, as I'm thinking about this, in Jurassic Park, the heroes had no hope of defeating the Raptors and T-Rex so all they did is run until they escaped. But they fought back at times, outwitted at times, there was somethings they tried and in the end it was the shot in the head (T-rex munching on the Raptors) that gave the chance to escape. The heroes weren't passive even though they seemed doomed. They stompled, kicked, and shouted.