Hey, MacDuff

Only looked at the first 11 pages to see what I had in store, and so far I like it. Can't wait to get back to reading it. I have a another script to finish reading then I'm moving on to yours.

Every genre has a contract with the viewer and the viewer should be able to see if the writer is living up to the contract his/her genre of choice has presented. Yours delivers. Kill in the first scene introduces an opponent. Soon after we meet the Father and daughter (protagonist), who've just been introduced to a new environment as have we the audience.

She stuck in a situation can't do anything about, the move. She's suffering personal issues lost of her mother. Also, and just as important to story she has a issue in that she's hurting her father with her attitude. These two issues are linked obviously. We'll see how the rest plays out.

Good start.

BLB

Quoted from Busy Little Bee Hey, MacDuff Only looked at the first 11 pages to see what I had in store, and so far I like it. Can't wait to get back to reading it. I have a another script to finish reading then I'm moving on to yours. Every genre has a contract with the viewer and the viewer should be able to see if the writer is living up to the contract his/her genre of choice has presented. Yours delivers. Kill in the first scene introduces an opponent. Soon after we meet the Father and daughter (protagonist), who've just been introduced to a new environment as have we the audience. She stuck in a situation can't do anything about, the move. She's suffering personal issues lost of her mother. Also, and just as important to story she has a issue in that she's hurting her father with her attitude. These two issues are linked obviously. We'll see how the rest plays out. Good start. BLB

Hey BLB,

Appreciate the comments. This one is on my slate to rewrite so appreciate any and all comments, concerns and suggestions.

Hope you enjoy!


Stew

Hey, Mac

Finally, got around to finishing reading. I found the last part of the story started picking up on not only the action but also the reveals, with Eric and Louise.

The middle though I felt was same beat or just dragged with not much happening on the surface or under. The middle of a story is always difficult. I'm sure you get a handle on it during the rewrite. I think Katie was jus reactive hero during the middle, she wasn't trying to solve any problem. Ridlow vs. the mayor almost seemed separate story to Katie.

I did like the beginning and the ending picked some of the steam I felt the middle lacked. But, nevertheless, another feature to add to your experience.


BLB

Quoted from Busy Little Bee Hey, Mac Finally, got around to finishing reading. I found the last part of the story started picking up on not only the action but also the reveals, with Eric and Louise. The middle though I felt was same beat or just dragged with not much happening on the surface or under. The middle of a story is always difficult. I'm sure you get a handle on it during the rewrite. I think Katie was jus reactive hero during the middle, she wasn't trying to solve any problem. Ridlow vs. the mayor almost seemed separate story to Katie. I did like the beginning and the ending picked some of the steam I felt the middle lacked. But, nevertheless, another feature to add to your experience. BLB

Hey BLB,

Thanks for the read. Much appreciated. You nailed some of the issues I'll be working on - especially Katie being too reactive in the middle part of the story.

Thanks again!

Stew