SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 1:21am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Quarantine Island - optioned Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 3 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2, 3, 4 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Quarantine Island - optioned  (currently 8154 views)
Pale Yellow
Posted: March 12th, 2013, 9:05am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Posts
2083
Posts Per Day
1.40
Thanks Shawn
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 45 - 50
Ledbetter
Posted: March 17th, 2013, 11:22am Report to Moderator
Guest User



Hi Dena,

Got this downloaded today and will be getting it read this week.

Just cracking it open, I can say, it looks like a great read.

Take care.

Shawn.....><
Logged
e-mail Reply: 46 - 50
James R
Posted: March 21st, 2013, 3:27pm Report to Moderator
New


Supper time!

Location
Arizona
Posts
219
Posts Per Day
0.04
I'm not sure if you even want comments on this since it is a "vomit draft".

The fist page and the murder was great. Pulled me in.

After that, I had to stop several times to go back and re-read to understand what was happening. The part with Kevin messing with Beth's hair was confusing at first and the dialogue in the next scene was pretty corny. I'm not sure if this was on purpose or not, it felt a little like Scream when Jamie Kennedy explains the rules of a horror movie:

"Jeff, our local film buff, said all
of those are cliche’. Blah
blah...It’ll be fine babe. It’s
just an abandoned old island."

It might be a good idea to somehow work in who the Norway Seven are in that first scene or in the second scene with Kevin and Beth. Since that is the thing driving the whole story it would be a good thing to define early so the audience has a firm grasp of it and why these kids want to make a documentary about it.

I can tell from your descriptions that you either have a great picture in your mind of this place or it is a real place you have been to. Very nice.

How is it that a horror movie/documentary about an abandoned island is not cliche? Or is that part of the corniness again?

You really hammer it in that Beth is a good swimmer. I'm on page 19 and I think it's the fourth mention of it. Just saying.

And I understand that you want the canoe to be gone in the morning but it seems weird that they would get to the island and just spend the afternoon sitting on the beach. Maybe have a reason that they can't get there until dark?

Anyway, those are my comments for the first half - I'll get to the second half as soon as I can.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 47 - 50
Pale Yellow
Posted: March 21st, 2013, 4:36pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Posts
2083
Posts Per Day
1.40
Thanks James. This is an early work...my first attempt at found footage. Cliche or not...Corny or not...I keep trying

You brought up some good points. I'll get to them as soon as I'm done with my current projects...

d
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 48 - 50
Ledbetter
Posted: March 25th, 2013, 3:15pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Hi Dena,

Okay, what you have with me here is a blank slate. I read a few of the comments and it seems the structure was more on the menu than the story IMO. Having never written a FF script or even read one for that matter, I’m going into this with no opinion.

And I liked this lot. The writing is good. You have a very nice and unique way of laying out your dialog that just flows. It’s like you ride along the lines if that makes since.  I guess the word would be effortless reading. Btw, I saw a request for a FF script here recently.

I think it was babz.

One of the things with Jeff is you should have him appear on a little more. Have him turn the camera back on himself of have someone yank the camera away so we can get some glimpses of him.

I can’t help but think there should be a recovery story here as well. Maybe tell a story in “real time” as someone finds the film, and then investigates the whereabouts of the main people. You could then drop in and out of the found footage portion to real time to give the reader a break in the footage action.

Structure wise, this was very well done. I really enjoyed the story line.

For an earlier work, I’m impressed…

Take care

Shawn…..><
Logged
e-mail Reply: 49 - 50
Pale Yellow
Posted: March 25th, 2013, 3:21pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Posts
2083
Posts Per Day
1.40
Thanks a ton Shawn...you need to email me Cosmic...I'm going to play with this one on down the road a lil...it was written quick and my first FF attempt

I have a lot to learn...and all the reviews surely helps me to decipher where to go/what to fix with a script.

I agree with you on the Jeff thing so we see more of him. I didn't do my homework as far as reading some FF scripts before I dove into this thing...I know it would have helped to do my research. Kev tells me all the time...you gotta do the research.

I appreciate the read again and would love to return the favor for you. Hit me up if you need a read Shawn....

tyt
dena
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 50 - 50
 Pages: « 1, 2, 3, 4 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Horror Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006