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I just saw a trailer for some movie haha that is currently escaping my mind that had the same hook, Groundhog's Day. The trailer I saw looked interesting, and so does your premise.
I do wish it included a little more of a hint of the "young woman" characteristic. But, that's just nit picking. Going to give the first 10 a read and see where it takes me.
BLB
Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."
I just saw a trailer for some movie haha that is currently escaping my mind that had the same hook, Groundhog's Day. The trailer I saw looked interesting, and so does your premise.
I do wish it included a little more of a hint of the "young woman" characteristic. But, that's just nit picking. Going to give the first 10 a read and see where it takes me.
BLB
I would encourage you to read well past the first 10. The first act is specifically set up to mirror the typical beginning of any slasher film. The fun Groundhog Day stuff doesn't happen until Act 2.
OMG I'm just now reading this and it's VERY good so far. Well written, fast paced, and the dialogue banter is cracking me up!!! I'll add more comments as I continue to read, but so far good job!! I'm digging it
Sorry to post a double comment but I literally just finished reading this and I liked it a lot! I thought it was very good, entertaining... I'm not going to lie, it did get somewhat repetitive, but I suppose that's the point of the plot, eh? Haha... I was honestly surprised as all hell by the ending though. Great twist. And it was a nice change to actually have a HAPPY ENDING... I liked this a lot. Great great job, and much luck to you!
Sorry to post a double comment but I literally just finished reading this and I liked it a lot! I thought it was very good, entertaining... I'm not going to lie, it did get somewhat repetitive, but I suppose that's the point of the plot, eh? Haha... I was honestly surprised as all hell by the ending though. Great twist. And it was a nice change to actually have a HAPPY ENDING... I liked this a lot. Great great job, and much luck to you!
Thanks for the kind comments. Glad you enjoyed it! The script was selected as a Quarter Finalist in this year's Screencraft Sci-Fi competition and I'm sure it will place even higher in the horror category once those results come out.
I'm not sure how much further I can take this script. I thought the idea was original... then I caught the trailer for Happy Death Day. Pretty much exactly the same concept (although probably minus the twist at the end).
Just finished the script. A heck of a lot of fun. I hadn't read the logline, so I was expecting something like Jack Ketchum's The Offspring or the Wrong Turn movies. It was a nice surprise when the entire movie rebooted at page 30-something. And you have a great style, your often humourous way of describing things really adding to the plot.
Though there are a few similar ideas out there (Blood Punch, Mine Games are some that come to mind) yours is easily the most entertaining take on the "time loop" idea.
It might be interesting if another character (if it's a multiplayer game where you can play as a good guy or bad guy) is aware of the cycle as well, perhaps a villain, and it trying to break the cycle too. Might be a nice final line from a villain (something like "I thought it would end this time"). But that might be dumb, just hate to think of the script as dead in the water. It's a really good one.
Just finished the script. A heck of a lot of fun. I hadn't read the logline, so I was expecting something like Jack Ketchum's The Offspring or the Wrong Turn movies. It was a nice surprise when the entire movie rebooted at page 30-something. And you have a great style, your often humourous way of describing things really adding to the plot.
Though there are a few similar ideas out there (Blood Punch, Mine Games are some that come to mind) yours is easily the most entertaining take on the "time loop" idea.
It might be interesting if another character (if it's a multiplayer game where you can play as a good guy or bad guy) is aware of the cycle as well, perhaps a villain, and it trying to break the cycle too. Might be a nice final line from a villain (something like "I thought it would end this time"). But that might be dumb, just hate to think of the script as dead in the water. It's a really good one.
Thank you for your comments, and glad you liked it. The more I thought it was a wholly original idea the more I am discovering other horror films with a similar spin. However, I remain hopeful for a good result in the Horror category for that screenplay competition then hopefully some interest from an indie producer.
So, no, it's not dead in the water completely. Just sitting in the middle of the ocean and the raft has sprung a leak.
I read your script yesterday and REALLY liked it! You have an excellent writing style, inspired descriptions and some cool dialogue. I really enjoyed the concept and the script is very well paced. Certainly doesn't read like a first draft
A few minor things caught my eye:
Page 13: Angela keels over and vomits.
I think that's too strong. I would write something like: "Angela gags, turning her head away in disgust" or something like that.
Page 19: "Signal's dead. I got nothing. No bars. We've officially discovered the only place in America without any bars." - "...without any reception" The second "bars" kind of broke the flow for me while reading.
Page 23: "Oh yeah, me too. I love camping without a tent. My mom made me bring it." Was that meant to be sarcastic? It's not evident to me, especially with Angela's response "If you three start comparing the size of your dicks, we're leaving.". If i wasn't meant to be sarcastic, I think it's a weird line, even for a nerd like Oliver. But hey, maybe it's just the language barrier (I'm not a native speaker).
Page 29: INT. ANGELA'S TENT - NIGHT Angela holds a pillow over her ears. No use. Hayley’s SCREAMS make it through. She SIGHS. Frustrated. Exits her tent. Her wounded hand leaves a blood stain on the tent flap.
It sounds like she's laying in her tent, fully in control of herself and the moment she exits, she's on a trip to the moon from Tyler's pill. I would write something like: Angela is moaning like an anaesthesized kid at the dentist. Make it clear that she is already high as a kite before exiting the tent.
Page 87:
Her weight lifts Scar into the air.
So Scar is even lighter than Angela?
As I said, most of these notes are absolutely minor things that don't impede the story and are mostly a matter of personal taste.
If I may ask: How many scripts have you written to get to this level?
I read that this script has drawn interest from a producer. Congratulations and good luck on the further process!
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