Quoted Text Thanks brother.  Totally understand what you say. I will shift my gears to KNIVES OUT after reading JOJO RABBIT( any say on this one?). You'll be a known writer brother, pretty sure of that. That's what your script says, not me. Thanks once again.

Haven't read JoJo Rabbit yet, but will eventually give it a look... still haven't seen the movie.

"Knives Out" is very well written. Really easy to follow, even with a complex plot, as was "Looper". Really lean and smooth. A perfect example of great presentation on the page.

As for Tarantino, he's a fantastic writer, there's no debating that. But once you read one Tarantino script, you pretty much get the gist of his writing style, it hasn't evolved (talking strictly about the actual writing). And if you thought Inglourious Basterds was talky, I'm sure Once Upon A Time (which I absolutely loved -- it gets better with repeated viewings) is even more so.

Thanks for the encouragement, bro, appreciate it. And if you ever get a chance, check out "The Suicide Theory" on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc. Unfortunately, it left Netflix last year, and the $ per view isn't nearly as fruitful on the other streaming services (trying to get the producers to see about getting it on Shudder). But, at least on Prime, I think I, as the writer, get a hundredth of a penny lol.

Thanks again!

-- Michael

I've been absent for a few years and wanted to read an unproduced script that I knew would be quality. Your name stood out as I read Corpse Flower a few years back and enjoyed it.

You have a lot feedback already from some very good writers, and all the little details I would change personally are subject to my opinion. So in saying that, I like it. Very much so.

Good stuff.

Quoted Text I've been absent for a few years and wanted to read an unproduced script that I knew would be quality. Your name stood out as I read Corpse Flower a few years back and enjoyed it. You have a lot feedback already from some very good writers, and all the little details I would change personally are subject to my opinion. So in saying that, I like it. Very much so. Good stuff.

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!

Was thinking of giving Corpse Flower a page one rewrite, glossed over it not too long ago. Not my best work, but glad you liked that one, too.

-- Michael

Hi Michael

I read here with interest, as I enjoy your stories / writing. I searched, but don't find- Corpse Flower here. I'd like to read it if you could link it here. Or PM me.

Barry John  

Corpse Flower is here: BarryJohn -
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1473457035/

Just as an FYI: if looking for scripts - the search button is at the very top right hand side of the discussion board.  Works for Writer's name search too.  

Quoted Text Hi Michael I read here with interest, as I enjoy your stories / writing. I searched, but don't find- Corpse Flower here. I'd like to read it if you could link it here. Or PM me. Barry John

What Libby said. Though it's really not one of my favorite scripts. Budget's overblown and the plot needs to be simplified -- and it's not my best writing. If I ever get around to it, maybe I'll give it a page one rewrite if I feel it's worth the time. It is probably my favorite title of anything I've written, but that's about it, really. Honestly surprised anybody remembers that one. I personally think "Honey Mustard" makes that script look like a piece of garbage, but that's just my opinion.

-- Michael

Thanks LC

Michael - To read how you wrote then V now, is a learning transition for me. As said, I enjoy reading your scripts. Honey Mustard, been my beast read of yours.

I'll give Corpse Flower a read this weekend.
  

Quoted Text Michael - To read how you wrote then V now, is a learning transition for me. As said, I enjoy reading your scripts. Honey Mustard, been my beast read of yours. I'll give Corpse Flower a read this weekend.

My writing style really hasn't changed since like the early 2010's, though w/ CF, I did some small things differently (bold-facing brands for some reason). Once you get the writing part down, it's easier to focus on the things that should be focused on. And CF simply didn't cut it IMO -- main flaw being the 1st 10 pages, which is kind of a big no-no, though some people seemed to like the script overall. And there are a few similarities to Honey Mustard (the home invasion aspect, strong female characters). I dunno. Just not my favorite script. But I hope you enjoy it.

-- Michael

Well, I made Carson's "HIGH-MAYBE" list as a semi-finalist in his "Last Great Screenplay" contest. Guess he really liked the first 10 pages. We'll see what he thinks about the first 60.

http://scriptshadow.net/

Quoted from spesh2k Well, I made Carson's "HIGH-MAYBE" list as a semi-finalist in his "Last Great Screenplay" contest. Guess he loved the first 10 pages. We'll see what he thinks about the first 60. http://scriptshadow.net/

Saw that this morning. Congrats, man. Fingers crossed for you. =)

Quoted from Mr. Blonde Saw that this morning. Congrats, man. Fingers crossed for you. =)

Thanks, man! I feel like the script gets better and better as it builds, 2nd act is definitely its strength, so hopefully he digs the first 60 pages. Definitely my most "commercial" script I've ever written, which is up his alley.

Hi Michael,

First, congratulations on making the Maybe-Yes pile in Carson's script comp. Hopefully he will continue on and love what he reads. You already have some great notes on this from people who are far more insightful than myself, so I basically read this for fun and didn't really take any detailed notes.

I loved the opening. It was gripping and brutal and drew me right in. I can see why this impressed Carson. I also really enjoyed meeting Buford and his family. You made him someone we can empathize with, at least in the beginning. He genuinely seemed like a good guy just trying to make ends meet. (Which is why your midpoint twist blind-sided me). - That was absolutely fantastic!

It was after that moment that things started to feel a bit off to me. I had myself questioning whether or not I had gotten the right tone of the story from the beginning. Things become increasingly violent and one liners are dropping all over the place. It was a major shift in gears from what seemed like some pretty heavy material that was very well handled up until that point.

Skimming through the comments I see you defend Stella's lack of dialogue. She was shot through the mouth, I get it, but not at one point did she impress me as someone who would toy with her prey so slyly as to write Honey Mustard with mustard on his front door. It felt like you were creating your own Bride from Kill Bill, but the Bride had one hell of a backstory (Intense training/former assassin). All we know of Stella is that she's pretty much mistreated by everyone except Matilda in her life. I get her angst. She snapped. I just didn't get that a few hours after making the biggest stand of her life that she was someone who would be hell bent on revenge. I just wish we could've gotten to know her a bit more.

So for me the second half wasn't quite as brilliant as the first half. Your writing alone makes this worth the read. This script flew by in no time at all and I did enjoy it. I wish you the best of luck with it. I'm sure the right director and cast could turn this into an absolute joy ride for people like me.

James

Quoted from jwent6688 Hi Michael, First, congratulations on making the Maybe-Yes pile in Carson's script comp. Hopefully he will continue on and love what he reads. You already have some great notes on this from people who are far more insightful than myself, so I basically read this for fun and didn't really take any detailed notes. I loved the opening. It was gripping and brutal and drew me right in. I can see why this impressed Carson. I also really enjoyed meeting Buford and his family. You made him someone we can empathize with, at least in the beginning. He genuinely seemed like a good guy just trying to make ends meet. (Which is why your midpoint twist blind-sided me). - That was absolutely fantastic! It was after that moment that things started to feel a bit off to me. I had myself questioning whether or not I had gotten the right tone of the story from the beginning. Things become increasingly violent and one liners are dropping all over the place. It was a major shift in gears from what seemed like some pretty heavy material that was very well handled up until that point. Skimming through the comments I see you defend Stella's lack of dialogue. She was shot through the mouth, I get it, but not at one point did she impress me as someone who would toy with her prey so slyly as to write Honey Mustard with mustard on his front door. It felt like you were creating your own Bride from Kill Bill, but the Bride had one hell of a backstory (Intense training/former assassin). All we know of Stella is that she's pretty much mistreated by everyone except Matilda in her life. I get her angst. She snapped. I just didn't get that a few hours after making the biggest stand of her life that she was someone who would be hell bent on revenge. I just wish we could've gotten to know her a bit more. So for me the second half wasn't quite as brilliant as the first half. Your writing alone makes this worth the read. This script flew by in no time at all and I did enjoy it. I wish you the best of luck with it. I'm sure the right director and cast could turn this into an absolute joy ride for people like me. James

Hey, James, thanks for reading it, man. I'm glad you enjoyed the read. RE: The tone of the 2nd half vs. 1st half -- I hear you, I tried to keep the tone consistent, but felt the need to ramp thinks up a bit going into the 3rd act, especially with that 2nd reveal (the Blumpkin family's human trafficking thing, their son's a psycho just like Dad, etc), so as new reveals got more "absurd" I guess you can say, so did the level of violence. I tried to fit in some lighter (or more comedic) moments during the 1st act going into the 2nd while also having some gore to establish what kind of ride this was going to be (Stella's husband coming out of the house, pulling the knife out of his neck, the opening, etc).

Also, I hear you about wanting to know more about Stella -- I was thinking of having the Sheriff at the station going over her record a bit and revealing a violent past (in and of juvie, fights, grew up in abusive foster homes, then some behavioral conditioning at an institute, etc) that may explain why and how she could be capable of pursuing this twisted act of vengeance after losing the only person she cared about/cared about her.

Thanks again for reading, glad I blind-sided you at the midpoint, was afraid I was telegraphing that twist too much in the first half.

-- Michael

Hey, Michael...

Thought I'd give this a read having read the original short, which I'm assuming inspired this longer version.

Reading the reviews for that one I notice I wasn't a big fan. This one however is a different beast.

I've not got much to add really that hasn't already been said... Minor typos along the lines of queue/cue etc., but that's just me nit-picking and nothing stood out to affect the read.

I love this version of Honey Mustard.
The horror/action comes thick and fast and never lets up and the writing is terrific. Lots of terrific surprises from left field that kept me on tenterhooks.

I flew through this yesterday so just thought I'd add a few words of admiration to the pile.

Good luck with it moving up the finalist ranks of Script Shadow.
A much deserved selection.

Quoted from spesh2k Well, I made Carson's "HIGH-MAYBE" list as a semi-finalist in his "Last Great Screenplay" contest. Guess he really liked the first 10 pages. We'll see what he thinks about the first 60. http://scriptshadow.net/

Congrats Michael! I certainly smiled when I saw this on the list. Well deserved. I threw Bad Influence in there, but I believe it ended up in the maybe pile. Got an email saying it's getting thrown into the amateur showdown, we'll see how it fares there. Best of luck with it!