Hi writer. I read the whole screenplay, which is always a good sign, but it nearly lost me at the start, which I'll explain a bit later - but in summary, this is an intriguing story with, in my opinion, an excellent horror concept at its core. I most enjoyed the writing when it focussed on the creepy sequences and the dreams. The scenes where Swati was isolated and alone with her thoughts and fears - some great writing. And I loved the reveal, the twist if you will. Clever, and I didn't see it coming. In my opinion, this screenplay has the foundations for a great psychological ghost story if you could just sort out one thing -- The dialogue. There is a lot of it. Much of it feels unnecessary. Some of it feels on the nose, explains too much and extends the scenes for too long. There is a lot of this at the start, which could put readers off. It nearly did me. I would strip it down. Try to replace some of it with gestures and expressions. I would say strip the dialogue down and concentrate on more creepy scenes, perhaps create more ambiguity towards your great reveal. A couple of other points - didn't realise it was set in India until page 61. Yeah, the names point towards it but had in my mind that it was North America - India makes the 'dangerous animals' aspect more prevalent. I think you should describe Swati's painting on page 2. It would help tell us more about her character. This is good stuff in the main, try and get some other opinions if poss. Mine certainly ain't gospel  |
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Wealdmount
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