Hi Mark,

LOL, yes screenplay notches are great..

I will look into the dialogue issue and make sure it's time appropriate.

LOl, okay good point about the phone coverage.. ohhh how us horror writers try so hard to make it impossible for someone to 'make a call' to help save them, but here I am giving a character carte blanche with his phone... yes I will re-work that one..your jealously is legit...

Oh shoot, I originally wrote Emily's mother as being called Jane, then I changed it and forgot to change it at the end. One of those errors from going nuts with this and wanting fresh eyes on it.
The daughters thing is a typo... it's suppose to be 'daughter's'.... She cuts off mid sentence because ....(incoming dramatic effect placement)...she doesn't want to say it...that her daughter is....DEAAAADDDD!!!! Could be a good opportunity for an Oscar winning performance?

Okay, you don't like that the antagonist is a doppelganger? It seems silly? Kind of a let down for you? I only ask because I want to get a feel of what people think of the premise.... which is..... if an identical twin has possession of the cursed object they will be taunted by their doppelganger till they finally do themselves in... if everyone thinks it is stupid I have no problem with that. if it's not a silly premise maybe its the way I'm telling it that is making it come across that way.

Great summary! Thanks for all the positive comments, they help! I'm very pleased that the characters are okay and you enjoyed the atmosphere. I'll definitely be taking out a lot of the flashbacks and getting rid of all the exposition and repetitiveness.

Thanks again Mark, you have no idea how much I appreciate this! And if you have any features or shorts you would like me to look at just P.M me.. I see you have one feature on here so I'll def take a look at that..








Hey Matthew

Thank you so much or this... Like I said to Mark, these notes are incredibly helpful and I'm loving the fresh eyes on this..

Thank you, I'm glad the opening got you hooked, and the depressing atmosphere is coming across well.

I haven't mentioned that he killed himself till the end, so thanks for pointing that out. i will add it to the conversation with the prisoner officer. And I will rethink this section a more. I did have issues trying to make this scene logical. And for it to show how much Michael has put his relationship with is brother in the trash..

Thank you for letting me know you love the boat scene.. that's gold!

Good point...Ray is suppose to be like a father figure to Michael, he knows about what happened with max 'supposedly' murdering his family, and probably knows Michael is worried he is like his Twin brother, so he is reassuring him he's not..I need to make sure the audience knows Ray has a close relationship with Michaels family, so when he says it doesn't seem so disconnected.

"RAY Do you remember talking to Henrietta last night?"....I will take a look at the timing of the timing of this.

The nose to nose scene could be made less in your face lol... I get it.. If it spoils the mystery I will work on it.

oh crap... you caught a major muck up... I originally had Tony having had killed his girlfriend, and obviously not texting her lol... thats why there's the strangulation dialogue. I changed it because I thought it was too over the top, and must have gotten side tracked by having to go to work, and forgot to finish the rest of the changes..lol


okay need a brain break... BRB...

I could have the encounter at the casino in a more secluded dingy part of the casino and still have Michael acting crazy and Henrietta still seeing him. I wanted something to happen at the casino so that everyone could see Michael loosing it in his favorite place.

I see what you mean about the letter. I need to add stuff. It's too vague as is...


Definitely planning on working on the ending dialogue with Sky and Michael.

Another awesome summary! I actually wrote a note to start interweaving the witch story earlier, but I was afraid I was going to give too much away. Thanks for reminding me to trust in the audience...There's a lot of ways to tell a story. Just have to work on the most effective and emotionally inducing one..

Well Geezze. Thanks..  I'll have to send that last note to Jordan Peele... Funny though, I didn't like the story of US..Well acted and produced of course but I was like...nahhhhh.

Anyways, Mark, Colin, and Matthew, thank you, thank you, thank you! Did I say thank you? I will fix this up after I have hunted down your scripts and given them a critique...

Cheers Kirsten

"Okay, you don't like that the antagonist is a doppelganger? It seems silly? Kind of a let down for you? I only ask because I want to get a feel of what people think of the premise.... which is..... if an identical twin has possession of the cursed object they will be taunted by their doppelganger till they finally do themselves in... if everyone thinks it is stupid I have no problem with that. if it's not a silly premise maybe its the way I'm telling it that is making it come across that way." - Kirsten

Haha! Sorry! I forgot the proper format for quotes!

Anyway, I just did a bit of research, (which means I googled it and read the first two paragraphs), and I do have to apologize for my ignorance on the meaning of doppelgangers. I guess I just always used and really only ever heard doppelganger referred to as just someone who looks like or resembles someone else. (Evidently, there's somebody else here in Youngstown named Chris, because everywhere I go, several strangers have always told me 'You look just like my friend Chris!' I guess one time I went into a convenient store and just missed him by two minutes.)

I had no idea it actually meant a ghostly or  paranormal phenomenon or apparition, often a harbinger of bad luck, so that definitely changes things! So when Sky refers to the apparition as a doppelganger, because my only really known use of the word was from a Seinfeld episode, it really took me out of the story. But that's my own fault! It was only the use of the word doppelganger that I didn't like, not the idea and premise behind your story!


"And if you have any features or shorts you would like me to look at just P.M me.. I see you have one feature on here so I'll def take a look at that.." - Kirsten

Well, I will be updating a lot of my scripts over the next few months, mainly all to update my e-mail address on all the title pages, but I also will be uploading some new features and shorts and rewrites to a lot of older stories, so I may be overflooding SimplyScripts very soon! I do have 'Thistles' here, which is pretty much in final draft form, but I always love to hear thoughts on it! I also have 'But You Can Learn to Play', a feature somewhere on the boards, but I do have a heavy rewrite I have to upload for that one, so if that's the one you're referring to, you may want to skip that one for now!  Thanks for the offer!

And thanks for 'The Fisherman', Kirsten! I think you have a lot to work with and it show a lot of promise! I know you said that's your first feature, do you have any shorts posted here?

Hey Mark, I got Dave to tell me how to do the quotes and I still haven't got it right..

You don't have to apologize, its not your fault you didn't know much about them.. It makes me realize I should make sure it's clear what they are. I'm sure theres lots of people out there that think the same as you..

If you do bump onto 'Chris' finally, get a pic I've got a couple of them out there as well, apparently.  Your doppelganger meetup might make a good short....

Good, I will take a look at Thistles, and then be on the look out for your new posts...

And thank you for the kind words. I have a few shorts on here, Go Fish, The Camper, The Others, Just a Load of Baloney, Prom night.. those are the ones that have had some attention from students etc. The Others is in pre production right now in the UK. So fingers crossed it makes it through to completion.

Hi Mark, Matthew and Colin. I just wanted to say hi and that I'm sorry I haven't gotten back with you on reading your scripts. I did start on yours Matthew 6mnths ago lol...but my father in-law passed and all hell broke loose. I'm finally able to get back into my writing routine and will be able to do some reads!...

Hi Kirsten, sorry to hear about your troubles.
Great to have you back!

Hey LC, Thank you, very glad to be back.....!!!