Pumpkin Guts by Zackary Akers - Horror, Slasher - A couple of amateur ghost hunters check out an infamous pumpkin patch only to discover a group of punks with their own motives. An undead scarecrow slices and dices pumpkin patch intruders in this punk rock slasher! 78 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Thanks for getting this one up so fast, Don. You're awesome.

I've LONG felt that scarecrows and slasher horror should go together like chocolate and peanut butter. It's just such an obvious concept! And yet, no one's been able to get it right! Every scarecrow slasher flick I've ever seen has sucked BIG TIME. Like, even the best scarecrow slashers are still at the bottom of the barrel of the slasher genre. That's fuckin' ROUGH. How has no one knocked this concept out of the park yet!?

That's why I wrote this. I'm hoping to finally deliver on this very basic concept's awesome potential.   Any and all constructive feedback is greatly appreciated. I'll happily exchange a read for another horror feature. Doesn't have to be slasher, but I prefer horror. Would love to get some feedback from fans of old school slashers.  

Looking to add about 10 to 15 pages with the next draft.

The poster art was created by the extremely talented Sean Elwood.

Also, there is a play list to help get you in the mood. Hope you don't mind, Zack. But the music very much helped to orient me as I was reading the screenplay.

Quoted from Don Also, there is a play list to help get you in the mood. Hope you don't mind, Zack. But the music very much helped to orient me as I was reading the screenplay.

Not at all! Appreciate you sharing it, actually!    

This is a Zack Ackers endorsed playlist -> >Pumpkin Guts Soundtrack

That's a great play list! 😄

Quoted from LC That's a great play list! 😄

I had fun with this one.

hi zack, glad to see new work from you. I'm giving this a look because I'm always down for breezy, vibey slashers. this seems like something that somebody would make in the lower budget realm, which is absolutely my shit, and I assume it's your wheelhouse, as well. if you want to get more ambitious I think you'd need a fresher take on the slasher tropes and have a logline that suggests more about the characters than just telling us it's a slasher. I love slashers, though, and for quaint october fare, it's something I'd queue up if it showed up on tubi or something, although that is something I'm kind of primed to expect will operate in a lower-stakes category than, say, something from universal or a24.

what I like about slashers, though, is despite how derivative they are, the good ones always bring something interesting to the table, whether it be characters or unique atmosphere or inventive set pieces. the best of the bunch are modest yet ambitious.

you’re always kind of at a disadvantage with slashers vs. other subgenres because every kill seems to lessen the tension a little bit -- “ok, she’s dead, it’s over for this character now.� something like terrifier or wolf creek gets to drag things out considerably, but slashers are about succession. the trick is to make us really afraid something bad will happen to the characters as we steadily pick through them, which entails just enough character work to make them engaging without bogging things down in exposition.

pivoting from that, I think this is a little too tropey in the sense that a knowing viewer will immediately peg ruby as the final girl, which makes us less afraid for her throughout because we are pretty sure she’ll be ok at least until the rest of the characters are dispatched. so there’s little sense of danger for her, when it should be the opposite.

it's a bit of a slow start here, with much of the first page spent on description of idyllic scenery. it reminds me of the opening of "all the boys love mandy lane" and trent haaga's "american maniacs" script, setting us up with a rural farm area and a man walking. but I think those scripts manage to be a little more foreboding right off the bat. I'm assuming the pleasantness of the intro is going to lead into carnage, but I think you could kick things off more succinctly with a bit more of a hint at things to come. because I'm not really hooked from the get-go, and it's worrisome to have a description-heavy page in a feature that's already on the short side.

I hate making technical gripes, but "fade" is for colors; when you are transitioning from image to image it's DISSOLVE TO:

big ups: gg allin, defacing the words "colonial manor" to read "colon manor"
need more of this energy here

I get the contrast of the pleasant old timey farm at the start transitioning to a grungy, bombed out wasteland, but the latter is where this really has its own dna and I think the script gets better, aesthetically, once we get to the trailer park. this should be front and center, honestly. I'm always hungry for good hesher/trailer trash slasher shit and if you started there, it'd hook me a lot quicker.

this reminds me of "doom asylum" a little bit -- not quite as silly, but with the punks and the disparate groups of characters bickering as they venture into danger. now, "doom asylum" isn't a great film by any means, padding its runtime with weird goofy asides and music, but it pretty much makes up for it by being totally weird and having pretty unique set pieces. but things aren't as off the walls here.

the punk/urbex element is what would really set this apart, imo, and maybe there's more to be explored with that ?

from experience, people involved in these sorts of scenes tend to have unique backstories, but this feels very standard slasher fare. which is what I signed up for, but I can't help but worry things could get monotonous without more depth. the characters feel kind of like archetypical punks but they don’t really feel real.

I think it's due to the nature of the conflict -- lots of "dude, get me to the fucking pumpkin patch !" “we have to get out of here !� but not much weight. what's their story when they aren't being menaced by a scarecrow ? and the film duo are just kind of driving around getting footage, despite feeling like they're meant to be the centerpiece ? we eventually do start to get hints at some kind of backstory for ruby, but this is nearly a third of the way in and might be too late.

I’m not sure if the pseudo-blair witch documentary angle really adds much the way it is currently. it’s almost like we’re watching two separate movies, a punk slasher and a found footage film. without the found footage angle, though, ruby and phillip would have nothing to do, which is probably not a good thing.

once the paths converge, we spend a lot of time in the shack, which is always my least favorite type of scene in a slasher. it’s tough because you set up a very contained area for the action to take place, so it’s not like there’s a ton of options for running around once they arrive at the pumpkin patch. but this thing is so lean, at 75 pages, so once things kick off, the comparatively lengthy segue into staying holed up in the shack with no immediate danger inside stalls things out. staying contained would keep the budget lower but I feel like staying too boxed in makes the slasher cycle feel more monotonous than it really needs to be. I would find more opportunities to split people up, give us some eerie, isolated set pieces.

what I keep thinking is, “could you nix [character] and still have the same movie ?� and for a handful of people here, this is the case. like the cop. I usually find cops pretty boring in horror films and guerra doesn’t really do much to stand out, either. it would basically be the same story without him, so I kept wondering why he was here.

ok, these are just some stray thoughts I jotted down while reading. I hope some of this can be useful. I think this has potential -- it's a cool niche in a subgenre that’s still kicking, and you keep the budget low, so I think it could be a pretty viable script. I’d definitely watch it. and if you do a new draft, keep me posted, because I’m always interested in stuff like this. wishing you the best for it !!

for what it’s worth, while it’s more a time loop movie than a normal slasher, my favorite scarecrow movie is “husk� from 2010. I wish more people saw that one.

Got a read already!? Hell yeah! Thanks for looking through this and leaving your thoughts, Grace! I'm happy you were able to enjoy it, despite it being kinda light and basic.

You'll find that I'm not a particularly ambitious writer.

When it comes to the tropes, you've got me there. I love me some horror tropes and I'm not afraid to lean on them. Been told I lean too hard. Bah!

Appreciate the note about FADE IN.

As for it being obvious who the "final person" will be, you got me there. I did try to set up and create small arcs for most of the characters, hoping that would throw people off the scent a bit. I know I've got to do more, though.

Deputy Guerra. I definitely need to expand his character a bit. All the characters need more meat, for sure, but Guerra in particular is way too light. The reason he's there is simple, though. If he weren't present, I figured people would ask, "Where the hell are the police?"

Like I mentioned before, I'd like to expand this by about 10 to 15 pages. Feel like I've got good bones here. Just needs more meat!

I really do appreciate the feedback! A lot of good stuff to think about while I plan the rewrite.

Anything I can read for you in return?

Oh yeah. About the movie Husk... I thought it was awful. To each their own, though.

Zack, I'm sure I read and gave feedback on this one. Was it posted previously?

Quoted from LC Zack, I'm sure I read and gave feedback on this one. Was it posted previously?

This has never been posted here before. Just finished up a complete draft very recently. I believe you read the first 20 or so pages a while back. If I'm remembering correctly, you enjoyed it.  

Quoted from Zack Anything I can read for you in return?

you're very kind ! unfortunately, I think I need to get a little less ambitious myself in order to finally get something out the gate. hoping to have new work up soon.

hope more people check this one out !!

Appreciate it, Grace. Let me know if/when you get something up.

Dear Zack,
I think to break up the opening pages of description (respect the white page man!)  Edgar could say something to his charges "You gourdes are growin great" as for me the visual aspects are (him) the lanky man, rifle & dead squirrels with serene b.g. of pumpkin rows.
Being a slasher he could peel his dinner before the screams alert him. Maybe they should be closer so as to get quickly to his injury. Would a neck break bleed ? A branch in the eye would easily leave an orb dangling - leaking fluids. . . .
The senses of writing - you are atuned to the soundtrack and visuals; thru the dialogue you could layer in the smells of the weed, wet cemetary etc maybe strange weather can help out.
Maybe shorten some scenes for pace and tension - start late - finish early!
Gourd jokes - they need Gonks too!! These are NOT Gnomes - they are golfball sized fluffballs, having stuck on eyes and a ribbon tail carrying the advertising message. Yours would be pumpkins.
All best --

Quoted from JtF Dear Zack, I think to break up the opening pages of description (respect the white page man!)  Edgar could say something to his charges "You gourdes are growin great" as for me the visual aspects are (him) the lanky man, rifle & dead squirrels with serene b.g. of pumpkin rows. Being a slasher he could peel his dinner before the screams alert him. Maybe they should be closer so as to get quickly to his injury. Would a neck break bleed ? A branch in the eye would easily leave an orb dangling - leaking fluids. . . . The senses of writing - you are atuned to the soundtrack and visuals; thru the dialogue you could layer in the smells of the weed, wet cemetary etc maybe strange weather can help out. Maybe shorten some scenes for pace and tension - start late - finish early! Gourd jokes - they need Gonks too!! These are NOT Gnomes - they are golfball sized fluffballs, having stuck on eyes and a ribbon tail carrying the advertising message. Yours would be pumpkins. All best --

Appreciate you taking a peek at this one, Jtf. These notes are very helpful.