Very well written with a distinctive style. The characters were caricatures, oh so cliché, but it was clear we wouldn't be expecting much more from this story, so it fits.

I just found it all easy and boring. Nobody is affected by any of the big events. The boy arriving doesn't make an impact on Danny Boy. The boy losing his mother doesn't seem to bother him. The boy settles in really easily despite what should have been a culture shock to him. Even the interaction with Wade is too easy. And the sex, well, that was just gratuitous, but it also fits with the over-the-top characterizations.

Strong writing that's kind of wasted on a wisp of a story, IMO.

Ummm,
     I didn't buy into the story.  There is no way that a social worker is gonna just drop a kid off at Danny Ray's place.  No way.

You set it up with the social worker looking for him, then the kid just shows up, without the social worker interviewing him??  

I think you have a good story, but, the wrong fish-out-of-water.  It's much funnier to have him find out he's a father and have him turn his act around to take care of his son.

I mean, the kid's gonna get drunk on beer and die from alcohol poisoning because he doesn't know better!!

And since when does a 14 year-old do chores on the first request?  

Like I said, I just didn't buy into it, at all.

Dan

Did Danny Rae have split personalities?  He was rough and tough at the beginning then after Corey catches him screwing Daisy Duke he isn't pissed at all.  Didn't make sense to me.  Sorry not my style.  But others probably like it.

Meets the challenge, for sure. I think I'd like it a lot more if it was drawn out. Definitely needs more conflict and time for the transition of Danny Ray.

That said, I love the Wade character and his interaction with Corey. A battle of wits ending with an odd couple friendship. Great job , writer!

Not sure what the opening line is supposed to mean or be.

Dialogue is pretty good, but you slipped up many times, by using words ending in "ing", as opposed to what you correctly did several times, ending them in"'in".  Simple clean up later, when you have more time.

Writing is pretty good, but actually, not very visual, as it's actually hard to visualize, based on your writing style.

Seems like we're now in comedy realm here?  I don't know but I was hoping for more.

Well, it meets the challenge, that's for sure.  It's kind of nice and sweet, that's for sure.  But, the tone is all over the place here and when you get right down to it, this is more fairy tale than reality.  It's pretty good, though, but nothing memorable here, sorry to say.

Grade - ***

A tough subject to effectively get across in 9 pages but this writer is strong, confident and knows it.

Very well written. I was confused by some of the dialogue but I figured that was down to me being a Brit and not from them there parts. It did also seem to be filled with cliche's and stereotypes from that part of the world, but again, what do I know? I get all my info about that region from True Blood and True Detective. Hey, I just realized both of those shows have the word True in it, is that something to do with the South?

Unfortunately the story, while charming, is thin and lacks tension or conflict. The boy fits in too easily, the relationship with his estranged father resolves too quickly.

However for a OWC this is a very solid start which will greatly benefit from a re-write and a few more pages. It's not my 'cup of tea' but I can appreciate the effort and creativity that went into this.

Nice work.

-Mark

Writer,

Hmm. That was pretty good, the writing style unique and brief, giving us just enough to see what you want us to. My only issue is that there wasn't much here to hang your hat on, not a lot of meat on the bones. And I wish there was more from where this came from, cause I'd be down to reading. It all went down so smooth, but as a short, it feels very incomplete. And I feel there's much more to this. If not, there should be. That's how much I enjoyed reading what you have so far. Very good work.

Steve

Nice story with good dialogue, but nothing really happened except that a kid finds a new home and starts a new life without any hassles. It might happen that way, but it's not a story people are going to read.