Maybe Tim McGraw? Maybe half an ounce? Maybe NWA? It's your story, make a decision. A bit overwritten in parts with long action but overall I enjoyed reading it. Had to see how it ended, so that's good. Clean it up and you'll have a good short.

I was also led astray with the 'black comedy' genre. Maybe dark comedy would be more fitting. I was expecting Cosby or In Living Color. My bad!

Great logline here! This really lets pop up several expectations.

Why not call him Rich "Tucker" Stratton?

The way you did it, the cop has two nicknames now and I needed to check out their introductions because it was confusing to hear he obviously has two nicknames in the script.

Another thing: Regarding their last names, it seems Owen and Rich are family. But there's no hint that we get it. This kind of stuff is irritating since we ask ourselves why they talk like complete strangers. You imo should set up and establish such name things better. Like, is it pure coincidence that he followed Jackson right on his brother's junkyard??

Okay you clear up at p9 but that all is coming from nowhere and I don't know what it means to the plot despite of shouting some "cool" lines there.

"JACKSON
(whispers)
I could get you more, man."

Whaaat? Like he collaborates with them??

Then Donny points a gun toward a uniformed policeman???

Can't believe that as well? Policemen are imo trained to finish the situation. And they are prepared well to succeed in those situations most times.

A hit in the side, especially from a rifle, is equivalent with a lethal shot by 99,99% since it crosses the body through the wide area not the short cross-section if you may understand. There's no flesh wound possible – if it happens you go down period…

Okay, it's a movie so I go on…

Lol the ending was funny. There also was some entertainment before, I clearly give you that.

All in all, this concept felt too unsure, insecure by now. Some parts felt serious -- there I questioned the interactions of the characters and couldn't believe them.

If it would have been clearer from the start that it's a full spoof, I probably would have gone with all those unbelievable happenings. Unfortunately, as you see, this concept hasn't translated to me from the start.

It wasn't bad. In hindsight the unrealistic gunfight was fitting the concept for sure. Only the first half of the script just hasn't established that goofy tone well enough to follow the script in the crazy trash mood, I as a viewer must feel to completely buy into it. Personal opinion of course.

A good job nevertheless. You took a lot of chances. Some reforming, reshaping and editing might get it in a real wtf comedy area once.

Writer,

Nice! Good writing, cool story. Loved the tension throughout. Enjoyed the backstory of Rich - you gave this a nice set up with stakes and payoff. Not
This one will stay with me. One of the better entries for sure!

Steve

Thank you for the warning about extremely offensive language.

I could tell by the logline I wasn't interested in this type of story.

It's a no-go for me.

Sandra

Well described and good dialogue. But the story about "Tucker" is hard to believe. Even if someone would do what he did to save a black kid from being beaten, half the town isn't going to cheer the humiliation on.