You can't just not write the dialogue that's clearly going on to meet the challenge requirement.

It was nice to see Jagger and company make another OWC appearance. Last time was a ghost story, this time they're partying up in Studio 54 the night of the great blackout. And you throw David Berkowitz, the Summer of Sam killer, in there just for good measure.

There's really no story here. Partying it up, lights go out, a shot rings out, escape, and accidentally get the drop on the serial killer that's been terrorizing the neighborhood. It's just a series of events that don't gel together into anything cohesive.

Good effort, but missed the mark.

The story here was lost on me.

I had to google Studio 54 so not off to a great start.

The no dialogue parameter seemed to be skipped over by showing people chatting and asking for things, just not writing what they actually say.

I can't see how the weather impacts the plot.

Not for me.  

Writer,

I can appreciate your take on Son Of Sam -- historical fiction, it's all up to you, I guess. Others are right--a pound of cocaine is freaking huge! And unless they were in a private room or something, as far back as I can remember, cocaine was still illegal back in the 70s. Maybe ownership turns a blind eye back in the wild 70s. Now Mick and Keith are here. Wow! Honestly, it ads nothing to the story here, but okay. So, you have dialogue going on in your action blocks. Well, I guess you already know that counts as dialogue, right? Anyway, not a horrible entry, but doesn't work for me. Good effort!

Steve

This started out strong. but lost me when the celebs showed up. is there a reason they are there? Was this a real life event? If so then I guess it makes sense, but having them all pop in as cameos takes away from your characters and story I think. Instead on wondering whats going on, now all I'm thinking about is what is Kieth Richards gonna do next? You got in your own way.

There are a few times you have characters speak in the action and that's a no no with the challenge parameters. It works at first as the music blares over them but once the power goes out and it's a lot quieter it doesn't work for me. Lots of this in the script actually.

Why have Harold appear at the end as he appears to be the main protag in that the actually does something? The other three do next to nothing to advance your story. They are window dressing.

Shame. The writing is good and the beginning was strong. But I feel the constraints of 6 pages and no dialogue hampered you quite a bit here.

pound of cocaine--already loving this one.

I was really into this until you started naming all the stars. I do not know half of these people or about them and didn't feel like spending an hour googling. So there may be a really cool story... something you have done with history to change the events to change history but I'm not sure because I do not have time to do the research.

Also the jumping around of POVs was a bit confusing for me during the read.

I really wanted to love this one but you need to remember that not everyone will know who you are writing about so you better make a really good story so we have no need to know of the real people or you better give us all the backstory somehow.

Good job

Hey writer

I'm not sure if this is totally historically accurate, but one thing is for sure -
that's a lot of cocaine!  

The heat parameter - meh.  Okay, it's summer in NYC.    Although, much of the action takes place inside the club which was air conditioned  even in the 70's .
The dialogue - not so much.  Although there are no written words, you have entire conversations going on in your action lines. And not all of them are drowned out by the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack.

I don't know if a gun has a POV, since it lacks vision.

Dark Void?


Good luck in the contest.

Last one. This better be good.

A pound of cocaine is a bit much, no? I can understand not being good with measurements, or Google being of no help.

I'm surprised some of my fellow writers don't know the NYC heat wave of '77, the blackout, or the Son of Sam. Spike Lee made a movie about it.

Some people are giving you, and other writers, flack for having "non-dialogue" "dialogue." Ignore them. They would disqualify every silent movie ever made. I assume this is meant to play as a silent film?

The gun barrel P.O.V. could have been written as

Quoted Text KILLER'S P.O.V. (GUN BARREL)

But it's small potatoes.

I like the character minislugs. They are very helpful in orienting the reader.

It's very clear what's happening.

I assume you meant a "gram" of coke and not a "pound." Easy mistake to make.

And who doesn't know who Keith Richards, Mick Jagger, David Bowie, and Andy Warhol are/were? They were frequent 54 patrons, so this isn't totally out of the realm of possibility.

The night vision scene is very easy to understand, as is that Jenny turns her flashlight on. How could the reader have missed this? Must have skimmed.

This could easily be shot as a silent movie as pass the "no dialogue" test. It seems several readers didn't take that into consideration.

It's not a masterpiece, but it's very well done, for the most part. You've satisfied the challenge in my book. Congratulations, writer.