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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    July 2018 One Week Challenge  ›  Curiosity Killed The Cat - OWC
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  Author    Curiosity Killed The Cat - OWC  (currently 1079 views)
realxwriter
Posted: August 10th, 2018, 12:53pm Report to Moderator
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I'm not sure if it's possible for the director to tell us that they are one year older in each photo.

There was a lot of funny moments in this short. However, your lead character had no clear goal. Also, the ending was too dark to fit in this comedy. I'm not sure how people would react to that kind of ending.
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ChrisBodily
Posted: August 11th, 2018, 6:29am Report to Moderator
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Ouch. A typo in the logline?

Since the clock is ticking, this is gonna be super brief. Not too technical.

You have a few missing commas and a missing space in the opening line. It should be "Kakis," not the possessive.

Kim Paige. A Melissa McCarthy type?

So, we open with two people flipping the bird for no apparent reason? Okay...

Are we talking a tabby or a jaguar?

iPod? What's wrong with a CD? Or the radio? Who even still has an iPod? I never had one to begin with.

Hard for anything, let alone Tom Jones, to blare out of those puny speakers, unless it's hooked up to the car stereo, or good headphones.

A few grammar niggles.

"The Lion Sleeps Tonight" should be capitalized. No excuse for that.

"pee distraction"? WTF is that?


Quoted Text
The sound of LOUD CHEWING can be heard.



Quoted Text
the gates of hell await


Literally?

I admit I skimmed. The story didn't engage me, but you have good taste in music. Writing needs some work. Lots of missing commas and spaces. And a lowercase song title (a very popular oldie, mind you).

A fair effort.


FADE IN:
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: August 11th, 2018, 9:03am Report to Moderator
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That’s a bit nuts

A few good lines and I’ve seen pictures of people dragged from overturned porta loo’s and it’s not pretty

Story wise there wasn’t much but it was certainly different


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Grandma Bear
Posted: August 11th, 2018, 8:05pm Report to Moderator
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Have you ever read Stephen King's A Very Tight Place?

I felt bad for Gilda, but I did find this sort of funny. Can't really picture it getting produced, but...  Stranger things have happened, lol.

Well written. You had the heat and the suspense was there. For me it was worrying about Gilda.

I liked how the photos  showed Jason fawning over Gilda while Kim was getting crankier in every picture as the years went by.

Good job!  


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Pale Yellow
Posted: August 11th, 2018, 11:06pm Report to Moderator
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Hmm comedy.. this wasn't a comedy to me.

I'm not sure why the cat exploded in the car?

Ugh... getting grossed out thinking about it. Sad.

This one just wasn't for me.

Good on entering a script...
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