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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    June 2011 One Week Challenge  ›  June 2011 Who Wrote What
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c m hall
Posted: June 14th, 2011, 2:56pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks to all who read "You Betcha", as disheartening as it is to have missed the mark on genre, character development and continuity... spelling, dramatic interest... geez there's really no bright side to this, after all.  Anyway, I enjoyed reading all of the other entries and appreciate all of your time and effort.  
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grademan
Posted: June 14th, 2011, 4:02pm Report to Moderator
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CM, mind if I sit on the bar stool next to you?

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RayW
Posted: June 14th, 2011, 4:13pm Report to Moderator
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I'll buy for all of us.

Cheers!



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Heretic
Posted: June 14th, 2011, 4:29pm Report to Moderator
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Awesome work everyone!  I really enjoyed reading these.  

Ray, you gonna explain the premise of Gen, or what???  I'm ever so curious.

I will now head over to the thread for Quarter and attempt to explain where I was going with it...
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RayW
Posted: June 14th, 2011, 4:57pm Report to Moderator
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Sure.

Gen was just flat out runnin' N gunnin' with the story unfolding as it developed.
You'll notice most of the other stories submitted had formula expository set up followed by action that didn't really communicate much and then often followed by another round of exposition.
Here the story has puzzle pieces to be put together as it literally ran along.

The thing in the bag developed as they ran along and were pursued.
What the thing in the bag was, a clone of the three siblings' mother, became apparent at the end - but the daughter was mature while the mother a juvenile.
TWIST!

Sci-fi action short, opening sequence to a feature sort of stuff.
Not a buttoned up tight story.
Just a suggestive SFX bonanza, both practical in camera and post, with minimal cast and dialog.


Now, in my heart, I had names for every precious character that was about to be shot and killed.
Clone One was Will.
Clone Two was Tom
Clone Three was Theo
Clone Four was Phillip (He was the most special to me, too. When he got shot behind the driver's wheel I... I... just wept silent tears in my little itty bitty burnt-out heart of a dog turd).
Clone Five was Fred

If you guys want, I'll go back and insert these five GENUINE names into the script and we'll see if their gut wrenching plight pulls a bitter tear from your callous eyes as they fight so hard to save their mother from the Little Sister clones.

Do you guys want their names, too... ?





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c m hall
Posted: June 14th, 2011, 7:05pm Report to Moderator
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Mudslides all around!  
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TheUsualSuspect
Posted: June 14th, 2011, 11:08pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the vote of confidence Ray.

My biggest downfall, besides everyone tearing down the format, was the story.

Look forward to the next OWC.


A Picture Is Worth

If you want me to read your script, send me a link.
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Hugh Hoyland
Posted: June 15th, 2011, 7:38am Report to Moderator
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Thanks to everyone that took the time to read May the best man win!

Lousy... yes.

spur of the moment...yes. (wrote the thing fast)

Took out the main theme of the whole story "Hot lady is really a dude" thinking it may be viewed as more comedy than action...yes.

Scaled back the "action"...yes

But I'm kinda proud because honesly I had nothing and I mean NOTHING going into this the day before they were due. And being new to this stuff and at least putting something out is a good thing IMO.  

I know I have a lot to improve on indeed.

And NO Im not into this kind of thing in real life or looking at net porn when I wrote it! lol Its just a story!

But I really have enjoyed the other stripts I've read so far. Good stuff for sure. I will get to all of them asap but Ive had the stomach flu for a week now. :[


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