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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Discussion of...    Getting to know you, getting to know all about you...  ›  House Eighteen - Produced Moderators: Administrator
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  Author    House Eighteen - Produced  (currently 2701 views)
stebrown
Posted: March 27th, 2009, 1:46pm Report to Moderator
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I've managed to change it to an MOV now...I think. I've tried emailing before when it was a VOB file. I'll try sending it again now if that's ok, cheers.


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stebrown
Posted: March 27th, 2009, 1:50pm Report to Moderator
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Yeah, it seem like the file is too big to email over.


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Shelton
Posted: March 27th, 2009, 1:50pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from stebrown
I've managed to change it to an MOV now...I think. I've tried emailing before when it was a VOB file. I'll try sending it again now if that's ok, cheers.


Sure, send it over.


Shelton's IMDb Profile

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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stebrown
Posted: March 29th, 2009, 12:21pm Report to Moderator
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My mate managed to upload it to youtube. Here you go.



Let me know what you lot think.


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Toby_E
Posted: March 29th, 2009, 2:11pm Report to Moderator
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I actually really liked this short, felt that it was well made. Direction was pretty decent, and the music... Well, the music IMO made it. I'm glad there wasn't much dialogue, as I felt that the women couldn't act very well... The lines she did say sounded a bit forced. But nothing major, as there was very little dialogue. Felt that the bear VO would have fitted well though... I missed that part.

But yeah, you should be proud of yourself - This short did your great script justice.

Toby.


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jayrex
Posted: March 29th, 2009, 5:14pm Report to Moderator
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Not bad, pretty good.  Even though most of the dialogue has left the script, I wish the Teddy Bear dialogue stayed in.

This is your first script made, right?

I'd be happy with this short.

Congrats.

JT.


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Shelton
Posted: March 29th, 2009, 9:44pm Report to Moderator
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I thought this was pretty good, Ste.

It definitely had good production value, and I didn't have that hard of a time with the actress myself, although the crying parts were a bit rough.  That's not all that easy to do though, so I can't go too much into that one.

I don't recall reading the short, but were the characters always this young?  They seem a bit on the young side for what they're going through given their situation.


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Tommyp
Posted: March 29th, 2009, 10:28pm Report to Moderator
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Well done getting this made. The music was really good... and, well it was all really good. Acting could have been slightly better, and there were a few dodgy angles here and there, but overall I would be very happy with how this turned out.


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stebrown
Posted: March 30th, 2009, 3:14am Report to Moderator
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Thanks

Yeah this is my first script produced. 'Coma' is in preproduction now.

I think the guy did a good job with this and yeah agree with everyone about the music. Would have been interesting to see how the bear VO would have looked, but what can you do?

Mike

In the script, the guy is middle-aged and the woman is in her late thirties. Alot is told through flashback when the guy is in his late twenties though.

Ste


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Tommyp
Posted: March 30th, 2009, 3:31am Report to Moderator
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Maybe make a Writers Cut? Include the bear... I think the film does need that little something else... and the bear could be it.


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escapist
Posted: March 30th, 2009, 4:57am Report to Moderator
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I never read your script, and based on the video alone, the story seems a bit thin for a ten minute video.  I see people mentioning you had lines for the teddy bear, which I think could have improved it.  As it is, this feels like it was stretched out too long, and the drama started getting tedious as a result.

I thought the cinematography was amazing, and that the music was quite good as well.  The woman couldn't act at all, though.  It seemed like she was laughing when she was crying, which was really distracting.


I have nothing that you can read.
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stebrown
Posted: March 30th, 2009, 5:20am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from escapist
I never read your script, and based on the video alone, the story seems a bit thin for a ten minute video.  I see people mentioning you had lines for the teddy bear, which I think could have improved it.


Yeah, the original script was about 6 pages long. The lines by the bear kind of finished off each scene. If you're interested there's a link to the script in my sig.


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steven8
Posted: March 30th, 2009, 11:12pm Report to Moderator
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The cinematography was awesome.  The angles, transitions and use of positive and negative space was really terrific.  He filled his frames just right, and used angles to their fullest.  Well done.

The music was first rate, and the way it was placed throughout the film worked great!

The use of the teddy bear as the object of how there love became strained, then went out with the trash worked pretty well.  I too wonder how it would have been if they'd left the bear's dialogue in place.  'Course, the majority of folks who will see this will never know.  That's the curse of reading scripts before a film is made.  

Congratulations, ste,  it's a terrific piece of work and will look great in your portfolio!


...in no particular order
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tonkatough
Posted: March 31st, 2009, 5:15am Report to Moderator
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Wow I think we have another Sam Mendes (I think that's how you pronounce his name) in the making here. This short was gorgeous.  

This dude loves tragic drama and films it well.  Which is why I'm guessing he chose your script Ste cause it is the perfect showcase to show off his dramatic direction chop.

and for everyone mourning the lose of creepy narrative bear I say relax. That bear was just words on paper and I can't see why Ste can't just incorporate that idea into another one of his scripts that might get picked up and produced then we will get to see the furry little critter on film and rejoice.  


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