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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  The Amazon - Logline Review Request Moderators: LC
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  Author    The Amazon - Logline Review Request  (currently 206 views)
Yacine
Posted: September 13th, 2019, 10:26am Report to Moderator
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Hi, I am currently working on an action/adventure screenplay.

I want to share my logline to get feedback and also to see if the theme can be interesting to an audience. Thanks a lot.

The Amazon
In search of her brother, a fierce Amazon warrior must protect her kingdom against a group of rebellious men but eventually join them to save a boy and reunify men and women by defeating the god of the Amazons.
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Lightfoot
Posted: September 13th, 2019, 8:41pm Report to Moderator
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The theme is interesting for sure

The logline seems to be all over the place. We don't really need to know she's searching for her brother or that she has to save a boy, these can be discovered in the reading part.. The bulk of this story ( based on  the logline) have to do with her joining the rebellious men to fight the Gods of the Amazon.

An Amazon warrior is forced to join her rebellious enemy in order to fight the true enemy, the Amazon Gods themselves.

Not a perfect example, but something to expand on.
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eldave1
Posted: September 14th, 2019, 11:28am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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Quoted from Lightfoot
The theme is interesting for sure

The logline seems to be all over the place. We don't really need to know she's searching for her brother or that she has to save a boy, these can be discovered in the reading part.. The bulk of this story ( based on  the logline) have to do with her joining the rebellious men to fight the Gods of the Amazon.

An Amazon warrior is forced to join her rebellious enemy in order to fight the true enemy, the Amazon Gods themselves.

Not a perfect example, but something to expand on.


Much better.

Yacine - a little more background on the story would help with feedback here



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Yacine
Posted: September 16th, 2019, 3:59pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Lightfood, thanks a lot for your reply.
Thanks to Eldav too.

My issue is that it is not only/simply an action/adventure movie. There is a strong theme's component about men and women relationship, how they have to work together in order to overcome some challenges. For instances in my story, in the end, men (rebels) and woman (amazons) join their forces together because:
1. they come to the realization that they should end this segregation and work/live together
2. the enemy (the "God" and his enslaved Amazon Queen) is strong and requires men and women to unite their efforts

I certainly understand that my logline was all over the place though...I tried to summarize everything in one sentence which is not really effective.
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eldave1
Posted: September 17th, 2019, 4:56pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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Quoted from Yacine
Hey Lightfood, thanks a lot for your reply.
Thanks to Eldav too.

My issue is that it is not only/simply an action/adventure movie. There is a strong theme's component about men and women relationship, how they have to work together in order to overcome some challenges. For instances in my story, in the end, men (rebels) and woman (amazons) join their forces together because:
1. they come to the realization that they should end this segregation and work/live together
2. the enemy (the "God" and his enslaved Amazon Queen) is strong and requires men and women to unite their efforts

I certainly understand that my logline was all over the place though...I tried to summarize everything in one sentence which is not really effective.


Certainly sounds interesting. Best of luck with it


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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