SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is January 22nd, 2020, 7:31am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Scripts Studios are posting for 2019 - 2020 award consideration
The January One Week Challenge is on

Scripts due to

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  Break Force! - Logine review request... Moderators: LC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Break Force! - Logine review request...  (currently 107 views)
Posted: December 30th, 2019, 6:27am Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
Break Force!

A group of forty something friends, who used to be in a breadance crew in the eighties bump into their old rivals and enter a contest to settle the old beef once and for all.
Logged Offline
Private Message
Posted: December 30th, 2019, 11:27am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

Southern California
Posts Per Day

Quoted from VicBurns
Break Force!

A group of forty something friends, who used to be in a breadance crew in the eighties bump into their old rivals and enter a contest to settle the old beef once and for all.

You meant break dance - yes?

Promising premise - but need a little bit about the stakes. Winner gets ??

My Scripts can all be seen here:
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 3
Posted: December 30th, 2019, 6:12pm Report to Moderator
Board Moderator

Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

The Great Southern Land
Posts Per Day
Yep, blonde that I am I looked up breadance, but the clue's in the title too, I suppose.

You need to be careful of typos, they can alter meaning quick as a wink and send people like me scampering to Google. Or worse: You only need look at #susanalbumparty   and a book that was promoted here in Oz under the banner of 'never fails to disappoint' - okay, not strictly typos but marketing fiascos that nobody along the long chain of production picked up on. Imagine the cost of all those published hardback books - into the trash they went.

'settle the old beef'?  I'd leave the vernacular for dialogue and write something like 'settlle old scores'.
That said, what are the stakes? What's at stake if they do or don't win?

The guys in The Full Monty were unemployed steelworkers trying to raise money but it became about a whole lot more than that..

These are not your typical young guys trying to break out of a small town, with big city dreams. The difference here is that your guys are in their forties. Forty-something, btw. That's key to originality, and a great fresh angle! Imho, you need to expand and pique my interest more with that.


Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
Posted: January 5th, 2020, 7:29pm Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
Sounds like a Kevin James vehicle.

I'll agree with others re: stakes.

And add... what's the old beef?

Could be fun!

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Review My Logline  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006