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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  Duel Reality - logline review request Moderators: LC
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  Author    Duel Reality - logline review request  (currently 108 views)
Gerasimos
Posted: July 30th, 2020, 4:19pm Report to Moderator
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very long version
A medical care military contractor expands its agenda into treating soldiers plagued by post traumatic stress disorder using an innovative brain-processing virtual reality system. However, when one of its leading scientists goes missing, his female counterpart will try to unveil the company’s shady plan to building the perfect soldier, with the help of a former marine who struggles to keep himself into reality.

short version
Going against her company and its shady plans to building the perfect soldier, an obsessed programmer must conquer a virtual reality world, before she drifts into it for ever, just like her lover.

shorter
A young programmer and her alter ego seek out redemption spanning across multiple virtual and real worlds, but with their company's plans intervening, will they succeed?


Features:
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ALEXANDER - RISE OF THE PALADIN
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A Soul's Plea For Help
Coincidence

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eldave1
Posted: August 1st, 2020, 1:04pm Report to Moderator
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First - I like your premise here - sounds interesting. A suggestion -

A programmer that helped invent a VR program designed to treat PTSD, must enter that VR world in order to stop a sinister military contractor from covertly using that program to build the perfect soldier.



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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dm36415
Posted: August 5th, 2020, 1:09pm Report to Moderator
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My preference is the "shorter," but perhaps with a descriptor of the alter ego? Maybe something like, "A young programmer and her virtual reality alter ego seek out redemption spanning across multiple virtual and real worlds, but with their company's plans intervening, will they succeed?"

Hope I got the context correct...
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khamanna
Posted: August 5th, 2020, 1:17pm Report to Moderator
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Wow to Dave's version.

Simple, clear and entices you to read the script.
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eldave1
Posted: August 5th, 2020, 2:08pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from khamanna
Wow to Dave's version.

Simple, clear and entices you to read the script.


Well - thank you, Kham.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Gerasimos
Posted: August 5th, 2020, 2:48pm Report to Moderator
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Thank you all.


Features:
KTT Part ONE - The Polar Cabal
ALEXANDER - RISE OF THE PALADIN
ARAGORN - A LORD OF THE RINGS STORY
A Soul's Plea For Help
Coincidence

My facebook script page
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eldave1
Posted: August 5th, 2020, 2:52pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Gerasimos
Thank you all.


No problem


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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