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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  Logline Help! Moderators: LC
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SAC
Posted: February 16th, 2021, 3:20pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

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Hey Gang,

Got a logline I need a little help with. Open to any and all suggestions —

I Want You For Christmas

An energetic country singer finds herself stuck in her childhood hometown, where a chance encounter with her ex leads to rekindled feelings, as well as an opportunity to mentor a young singer. But, a once-in-a-lifetime chance to sing a duet in Nashville could derail their burgeoning holiday romance.

Looking to make this POP! Thanks!

Steve


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eldave1
Posted: February 16th, 2021, 3:50pm Report to Moderator
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Hard to add value without knowing the story. But I do believe it can be shorter and I do believe you need to add the Christmas element.

I'll make up the Christmas angle for example purposes - but what I mean is something like:

A small-town country singer must choose between rekindling a romance with the love of her life or taking a once-in-a-lifetime chance to sing at the Nashville Christmas festival.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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SAC
Posted: February 16th, 2021, 4:11pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

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You da
Man!

Love that


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eldave1
Posted: February 16th, 2021, 4:15pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from SAC
You da
Man!

Love that


glad it helped


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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SAC
Posted: February 16th, 2021, 4:38pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

Location
Upstate NY
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3208
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Yeah, I definitely knew I wanted to trim it. When it’s my own I have a tendency to want to include as much as I can. Then I just stare at it. But yours seriously adds some urgency to it.


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LC
Posted: February 16th, 2021, 5:19pm Report to Moderator
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Can't really improve on Dave's.


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