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I have written a low budget horror, cast = 3/ locations, a single house (3 interiors) and one exterior (forest)
The logline I have is: An ageing city-couple seeking a fresh start in the country realize their young landlord hides a terrifying secret—trapped, isolated, they must outwit him or become the latest victims of his twisted sense of family.
Ashes - Semi-contained psychological horror thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
I agree - good idea and all is there. Tweaked a bit:
An aging city couple eager for a fresh start in the countryside soon discovers their charming young landlord harbors a chilling secret. Cut off from the outside world, they must outsmart hi or become the newest additions to his deranged idea of family.
Yeah, I just think if you give us a few of the details...there might be something in there worth adding. (As much as we writers hate it...there are no "secrets" in a logline.)
So, between "secret" and "twisted sense of family" more specificity would probably help. But, we'll see, once you check back in.
PaulKWrites.com
Ashes - Semi-contained psychological horror thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Really, really appreciate the feedback above - thank you for taking the time to help me out.
The terrifying secret is the landlord (20), someone brutalized and traumatized in his youth/ someone who killed his own parents and then led a tortured life under a cult until her burnt them all alive (I know, a lot of backstory) is looking for parent surrogates and has killed previous tenants when they haven't measured up to his perfect, puritanical ideals.
Regarding couple, they're middle aged so perhaps "ageing" might be a bit too strong- the idea is to contrast this with the nemesis character's youth.
I like "cut off from the outside world" thank you.
I'll also take out secret and see if I can rework it.
I'm just trying to see if there's a nugget of info related to his past that would make the logline more powerful.
So...he wants the perfect parents...kills the imperfect...that's interesting. Maybe explore how to work that in.
Does the couple have any backstory related to children...as in did they have any? Did they want a child and couldn't conceive? Is the landlord in any way a surrogate for what's missing in their lives? (Doesn't have to be...again, I'm just looking for possibilities...a sense of irony, which is always good for loglines.)
PaulKWrites.com
Ashes - Semi-contained psychological horror thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
James, we need to add a working title in the Review my Logline help. Let me know and I'll edit it so it can be found easily in the future, or you can do it yourself.
Hi Paul, the couple are childless because they never had time with their careers. They do feel the lack of not having children and the female protagonist has a maternal feeling for the landlord character at first until she realises he is unhinged. When the couple mention adoption and then take in a stray dog their landlord doesn't take it well (to say the least0 the dog ends up in bits in the washing machine)