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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    May 2018 One Week Challenge  ›  Thundarr The Barbarian - OWC Moderators: DanC
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  Author    Thundarr The Barbarian - OWC  (currently 3432 views)
FrankM
Posted: June 13th, 2018, 1:47pm Report to Moderator
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I liked this cartoon as a kid.

This... is not a cartoon. I like the story and the characters, and might even attract the same, now-older people who watched the original as a kid (like The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings).

I had a bunch of comments about the overstuffed story arc for a single episode... but DanC already wrote that review.

I guess Tufeld is an homage to the original series' narrator (and voice of the Lost In Space robot)? It doesn't sound like the mangled name of a real place.

A very solid entry.


Feature-length scripts:
Who Wants to Be a Princess? (Family)
Glass House (Horror anthology)

TV pilots:
"Kord" (Fantasy)
"Mal Suerte" (Superhero)

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ReneC
Posted: June 14th, 2018, 8:40pm Report to Moderator
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Phew. Okay, that was a tough read. Not that it was bad, typos aside, but it was dense and there was a whole lot going on but not enough description of the locations for me to really see it.

There’s just too much description, and it’s bloody Tolkien in form. This is less a script and more a short story. The actions are heavily described but there’s little in setting and character to go on. The characters especially are well described physically but I get almost no sense of who they are. In fact, the character I feel I got to know the most was Gemini/Janus.

What I love about this is the full HBO treatment you gave it. From dark kid’s animation to full on Rated R. It takes itself very seriously, maybe too much, but I like the maturity of it.

Tone down the purple prose and give us more character and I might be on board with this.


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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: June 28th, 2018, 8:43pm Report to Moderator
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The OWC/2WC was to reinvent and update old shows. I think the crop of entries has had mixed results, as folks, including myself, cannot divorce ourselves away from nostalgia. I wrote Thundarr as if it were done in a live action context, with a mix of the cartoon, 80s Italian style  b film mockbusters/ripoffs  of Road Warrior and Escape From New York (sort of in the likeness of 1990 The Bromx Warriors),  and 300 and Spartacus (STARZ series) sprinkled in.  It helps that one of my favorite series on right now is Into The Badlands.
(and in Thundarr, there is place called 'The Badlands'- which I avoided)

Thundaar as a show had respectable ratings, but focus groups deemed it 'too violent' for children. I found that out doing some back reserch; it surprised me. I thought focus groups only cared about The Bugs Bunny/Roadrunner hour, because poor Wile E kept falling off cliffs. But what do I know.

Also, the three main characters, Thundarr, Ariel and Oogla, are archetypes or straight out "inspirations" from other media, specifically Star Wars. and Conan. Written by comics writers, (including the late great Steve Gerber) even supporting characters bear a passing resemblance to other comic book characters, such as Gemini/Janus who could have been the long lost brother of DC villain Darkseid,  So in the "reimagination" I chose to skirt around some of this.

Thundarr would still be pretty much the same, very Conan/Kull like, but his sun sword was a problem. It is, if you seen any of the original show, a Jedi lightsaber. So I chose for it to be like a sword of fire or a sword ON FIRE, to be more specific.

Oogla was, in the show, a Wookie. Shameless. So I had the character have a tribal mask, and when he takes off the mask he looks more like Vincent from the 80s Beauty and The Beast, just with a few more scars. I also wanted him to talk. So a magic spell from Ariel took care of that. I also wanted Oogla to be seen first on the page, because of his updated, mysterious look.

One of my peeps commented on Ariel being Asian and that was an interesting choice. This isn't a change from the show.  There was an ep where she mentioned her linage, however briefly. giving the hint that she had come from Chinese descent.  

The minons (Groundlings) I slightly chaged to having more of a bat-faced appearance instead of rat was because I didn't want it looking goofy and a already have a unrelated feature script where a poor guy turns into a were-rat. I generally don't like repeating the same gags. When I do, I get bored quickly, and get more careless in the writing.

As mentioned, Gemini was slightly altered due to the Dartksied/Kirby look. And I could go all out with the mystical twin thing.

The series mentions Ariel's evil step father here and there, but he is never seen. What is told to us in the series is that Sabian had Thundarr and Oogla as slave gladiators, and she rescued Thundarr, gave him access to the Sun Sword, educated him a little bit, they freed Oogla and been together as a team ever since.

A rewrite  will be posted soon. Here are the changes, some of which were noted in the comments above:

Yes, my bad. an early typo of Manhat was indeed mispelled. Couldhave been worse. I could have wrote Manfat and I could just see Chis Bod having a field trip with that. (btw "Antonio del Sole" was meant to be a word play on those aforementioned Italian directors and/or the aliases they used in doing sci-fi and horor knockoffs; also, 'del sole' means The Sun)

The Groundlings say they will rape, or have raped, two people, Jen and Marcus (two new characters). I thought this sounded more sinister at the time, and I was going for that R rated B film vibe. I changed it to bleed them long enough
Point is still made.

Camgray made an observation in the OWC, one of coincidence. That being child and/or teen murder.  The new draft spares the young man's life. Gemini had more...sinister plans for him.

There is now a brief montage of the Thundarr/Ariel and Oogla backstory. Gave me a chance to throw in another critter cameo, this being The Chatterer.

I envisoned live action; but if it went all Heavy Metal that would be neat too. But that would mean someone would have to throw in System Of A down, Baroness and Five Finger Death Punch somewhere on the soundtrack. Maybe Ego Likeness too for good measure.

Food for thought.
Thanks to all who read.
DjS


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
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ReneC
Posted: June 28th, 2018, 8:59pm Report to Moderator
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You put a LOT of thought into this. I’m impressed, but that doesn’t mean much, does it? I wish I knew more about the original show so I could appreciate all the subtlety you infused into this reboot.

Full marks for your knowledge of the source material and the choices you made in rebooting it. You did well to steer clear of many pitfalls I wasn’t even aware of. The only comparison that came to mind when reading was She-Ra, and the hard R rating quickly abolished that.

I look forward to the rewrite, even more so armed with your thought process.


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